Let me hold you one last time
by raisedfistsurvivor
Summary: Linzin. Oneshots and chapters. NEW UPDATE!
1. Lin's couch

**Authors note: **Hey guys! This is a oneshot, about my favorite LoK OTP: Linzin. I also love Bumi x Lin, but this is a Linzin-fic. Rated T for safety. I've never written a fanfiction before, and I'm from Sweden so I'm sorry if my english is bad in anyway. R&R AND I WILL LOVE YOU. _I do not own AtLA or LoK!_

* * *

Whenever Tenzin and Pema had been fighting and didn't agree before nightfall, Tenzin would grab his glider, fly over to Lin's small apartment and sleep on her couch for the night.

* * *

He was dreaming. A very non-subtle, hazy dream. He couldn't grasp at all what it was about. His father appeared, so did his mother, Aunt Toph, his skybison, or maybe it was Appa, cactus juice seemed to be involved, Uncle Sokka was there and some kind of giant mushroom made out of sand? It was a really weird dream. He woke up eventually, letting out a deep sigh of relief, not liking to be so confused and tense while sleeping. He was going to shift side of the pillow when he noticed the living room partly was lit. He looked up, brows furrowed; eyes tired and saw Lin sitting at the kitchen table with a steaming cup of tea in her hands. She obviously had been staring at him because he caught her off guard and just had the time to see her recollect her face into that famous icy scowl of hers. _I wonder what she was thinking about… _He inhaled and sat up, rising from the couch with stiff limbs, walking up to the counter behind Lin, and poured some tea for himself, before finally settling at the table, in front of Lin. She was wearing sweats and a white tank top, revealing her rock hard muscles on her arms, her strong shoulders and her delicate neck. He saved her face for last, just like he always had. Her sharp jawline among with her distinct cheekbones, dark circles under her cold, hard eyes and lips tilting downwards, made her look like the 50 years she really was. In daylight, perhaps on a mission on behalf of the police force she looked a bit younger, more determined, with a dangerous, intelligent glint in her eyes. Now she looked like a defeated, heartbroken, old and alone woman, even though she hid it extremely well behind her attempt to the expressionless mask she was wearing. This made him confused and a sharp pain settled in his gut. This had him even more confused. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"What are you doing up so late Lin? It's 2 am."

She looked away and a nerve in her temple twitched in annoyance of his question. She rolled her shoulders back, trying to relax a little bit and took a long sip of her tea before answering.

"I couldn't sleep." She said.

"Oh…"

She rolled her eyes and let out a dry laugh.

"On a good night I'll sleep perhaps four or in very rare cases five hours a night." She glanced at him with a hard look before turning her head away again.

"On a bad night I don't sleep at all."

She stared off into the distance. Tenzin was both surprised and not surprised by this fact. He was surprised because she had, since her twenties, been working her ass off, literally, on the police force. Even before she was Chief. Such tiresome, intense work had him believing that she fell asleep at night before she even hit the bed. She had always been a sleeper when they still were together, as far as he could remember. But then again, they hadn't been a couple for almost 20 years. It didn't surprise him because he knew her all too well, and she was a workaholic. Right after their breakup she threw herself into work, drowning in it, more than she had ever done before. He was afraid for her health the first couple of months, there was an article every day in the paper about her latest heroic, stupid and dangerous actions, but after time he stopped thinking about it, until now. She had been working more than her body could possibly handle for 20 years. She could probably work for 30 straight hours without needing, or getting, any sleep even if she wanted to. To work like that, day and night, not having any routines for 20 years probably messed up anybody's sleeping schedule pretty bad. Her body didn't know when, or how, to relax after such a long time.

"What do you do when you can't sleep?"

She didn't expect another curious question from him. She wasn't used to have people in her apartment, especially not men. Especially not _him. _She was so taken aback by his question that she answered before she even registered what he was asking.

"I drink tea." She stated. As if it was obvious. "And then I work out, or clean. If I can relax I read a book. If I can't, I go to work."

She shrugged and got lost in thoughts as she finished the sentence, leaving Tenzin to naturally ponder over how to solve the problem. As an idea hit him, the guilt started burning in his chest. His heart ached of it, his arms and fingers tingling in discomfort. He started to move around uncomfortably on his chair. Of course, the Chief of Police Lin Beifong, that was barefoot, noticed, both with her seismic sense and eyes, and ears too. She shot an annoyed look at him, snarling:

"Stop fidgeting! You act as if you stood in front of Miss Lao in class, waiting to get a spanking for not behaving properly!"

This made him chuckle nervously of the memory, still uncomfortable; which in return outraged her even more. She grunted hard, trying to bite her harsh words down, but instead starting to mutter phrases to herself that was too quiet for him to hear. He swallowed, clenching his hands around the now cold tea cup harder, unsure of how she would react to his next words.

"Well Lin… I… Ehrm… Um…" This time, the look she shot at him was furious for real. Her eyes contained that dangerous look that she got when trying to break criminals down in the interrogation room. He once saw her making a man pee himself in pure fear. And that without giving the man a single punch. He knew how she hated it when he started to stumble on his words, which he always did when he was unsure or troubled somehow so he coughed and clearly said:

"I can help you. With your sleep I mean."

She slowly leaned back in her chair, all anger gone. Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked at him intently, trying to figure out what he was thinking about and form some sort of respond. Her bare feet to the floor, she could feel his heart beating at least 250 miles per hour, which made _her _nervous.

"How? Are you going to do my job for the next month? Are you going to take care of the Triple Threat Thriad's new members? Are you going to resurrect my mother so that I can talk to her one last time? Are you going to make me 25 again so that I don't have to deal with the chronic pain I have sustained from all the injuries I've been collecting like trophies the last 30 years? Are you…" She stopped, and then he realized why. He wasn't aiming for the cracks in her armor of stone. Yet somehow he had hit a soft spot in her. She wasn't used to get any help. She lived alone. She was so independent, strong, hard, heroic and fearless that no one even bothered to ask her if something was wrong. When her mother died a year after their break up, she didn't cry at the funeral. She wore her armor. The Lin Tenzin had known as a child, as a teenager, as a lover, was gone, but he desperately wanted her to feel loved and warm one last time. The guilt roared in his chest but he ignored it. Wanting his former lover, but still after all these years, best friend to be taken care off.

"No." He simply said. He stood up and walked over to hover above her. She leaned backwards on the chair to look at him, still her arms crossed protectively over her chest. She had a little triumph and on the same time sad look in her eyes. She was very tense; that she didn't break of the tension her body was trembling with was an amazing fact.

"But I can hold you tonight. Just for a couple of hours. So that you can sleep, I'll keep you warm." Her jaw dropped and her eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of their sockets and land on the floor any second. Tenzin wasn't nervous anymore. He felt guilty, he had a wife and four children, but he needed to do this. He needed to take care of his best friend. He needed to hold her one last time. Because he love-… _I'm doing this because she is my friend, I have known her since she was born, she needs me._ While looking down on Lin he saw that she was so taken by surprise, that her mouth moved around but no words came out. He could see all her feelings and thoughts running around in chaos in her eyes. There were chock, anger, sadness and a lot more he couldn't even identify storming around. He didn't know for how long he just stood there over her, her body frozen, her mouth hanging wide open, but when she finally got any words out it was just a weak:

"I… No." As she said this she shook her head, rose from the chair, looked him straight in the eye and said:

"You have a wife. And what the hell makes you think I would let you do that? Get out." The words started out in anger but ended in a heavy sigh.

"Lin…"

"NO, Tenzin. Get out. Get out of my apartment. Go home, for Spirits sake!" The anger in her words triggered something deep down inside of him. He ransacked through his brain, but only found himself throwing his arms around her, holding her tight to his chest while she swore, yelled and struggled to get free from his arms. The more she fought him, the harder he held her until he finally felt her slowly relaxing. She still didn't put her arms around him, but as he held her, her gray hair that used to be as black as coal, fell over her shoulders, making him inhale sharply. She smelled lovely, like something he once knew. He couldn't identify her scent, but if he tried it would be… No, he couldn't. Lin smelled like Lin. Like home. Like love. He slowly released his grip on her, letting one hand slide down her arm, holding her hand tight, locking their fingers together. He turned around, flicking of the lights, and moved the way into her bedroom. While there, he placed her on the bed. He looked her in the eye, feeling a deep sadness spreading through his body. She looked so _fragile._ Complete, done, crushed and devastated, as if she wasn't there anymore. As if she only was a shell. She looked drained of the will to live, exhausted, unloved, unwanted, wounded, empty and miserable beyond repair. He knew that what he did was right, as a friend. As a husband, perhaps not. But he angrily pushed the thoughts away. He leaned forward, kissing her forehead, stroking a thumb gently across her cheek before letting her go, walking around the bed and sitting down on the other side. He moved over to her side, maneuvering her down under the blankets, and then himself. He laid down close to her, and stretched out his arm so that she could sleep on it, her back to his chest, legs entangled with each other. He leaned over her, turning the light of, settled is chin in the crook of her neck and murmured:

"Goodnight Lin." In her ear. They both fell asleep fast after that.

* * *

A month later he saw her passing him on the other side of the street in Republic City. She didn't see him but she looked as hard and busy as usual. He remembered the night they had shared together. He had woken up at 7 am, and just stared at her relaxed features and beautiful face while sleeping next to him for a good 15 minutes before she had starting to move around slightly, about to wake up. He had risen, changed into his robes before she woke up and gone to a teashop to buy breakfast. They had run in to each other a few times after that, but never spoke of that night again. He shook his head and started walking down the street again, he had a council meeting to attend to.


	2. Lin's couch (Lin's POV)

**Authors note: **Hey! Oh man, I've busted my ass off with this chapter! I loooooove Lin, she's my baby, but damn that woman is hard to write about. What on earth is going on in her head? Argh... Anyway, I'm not very satisfied with this chapter, but right now I feel like I can't do it any better, and I promised you to update so here it comes! Again: sorry if there are any grammatical errors, I will correct them when I find them! _It's written from Lin's point of view. _R&R AND I WILL LOVE YOU!

* * *

She slowly sipped on her tea and burnt her tongue in the process. A small trembling in her hands also made it a slightly bit harder to hold the cup still and a large drop of hot tea landed on her wrist.

"Damn it…"

She muttered to herself, already annoyed, but mostly tired. She hadn't been sleeping well the last couple of days. She snorted to herself when this thought occurred. Who was she kidding? She hadn't been sleeping well for _20 years_. Not since _that _and she had thrown herself into too many horrible cases under a short period of time. The nightmares from those years still haunted her, and she shuddered. She had been so stupid. But she wasn't stupid _only_ _before _that... Thing. She had been reckless the first years too, resulting in her not being able to have children. She never told him, telling him that she didn't want children at all, instead. And the fact was, she didn't. But maybe she would have, when she got older… If she and him still- _Stop that thought right there Beifong. You're better than that. You're better than this._

As she thought this, he started to move around on her couch. He began to change the side of the pillow she had borrowed him when he noticed the light was on and sat up, quite confused. She understood why, it was 2 am after all. When he noticed her sitting at the table he inhaled deeply and rose, walked over to the counter behind her and poured himself a cup of tea before sitting down in front of her. She looked down at her cup and felt his eyes wander over her body. She wore sweats, the only pants she owned beside the ones she wore under her uniform, and a white tank top, that she had dozens of. Her arms were revealed, strong after 40 years of earth bending and 30 years on the police force. Her collarbones were exposed and her cleavage didn't look bad at all for a 50 year old. She looked up into his eyes and was a little bit surprised at what she found. She saw something in them that seemed similar to what most men looked like when they saw her. She was hot. But that wasn't it, in his eyes there were something more. 30 years ago she would have been able to recognize it, and maybe blushed because of it, but not anymore. Now she only felt terrified.

She had forgotten all about love and what it was like… But once again, who was she kidding? Well, everyone, except herself and perhaps Korra. She had tried to forget him, move on and do every stupid cliché thing she could remember, like burning pictures, but it hadn't helped. The only thing she could do to get her mind off of him was to go to work. The truth was, and Spirits forbid it would ever leave her head, that she missed him. She missed him so much that she had been having trouble sleeping for 20 years. He was the only man she had ever loved, and though she perfectly understood why things went wrong between them, and that most of it was her fault, she couldn't get over it. He broke up with her, but he didn't understand why she _let_ him do it. She could never give him children, even if she wanted to. She let him go because she loved him. But it had hurt her to see him move on so easily. She had at least thought that he would come crawling back, heartbroken, once. Because if he had, she would have explained it all to him, and they wouldn't have been strangers like they were now. Sure, she let him sleep on her couch twice a year, they had short chats with each other if they ran into one another in Republic City and such, but it was never the same again after their breakup.

While thinking about her previous life, Lin made sure that her face didn't show a thing. She was an expert in the art of facial expressions. It came with the job, and with her personality. It came naturally to her, and she had inherited an almost identical copy of Toph's temperament. She hid it all inside. Her anger was flying free. She swore, showed emotion by hitting people, in fact, the list could go on and on… But she was really amazing, when you got to know her. When she opened up. But that she hadn't done since Tenzin left.

To be Toph Beifong's daughter came with expectations and a legacy to uphold. She had been training hard since the first day she learnt how to earth bend. And on the police force she wasn't Toph's daughter, she was a hardworking soldier like everyone else. And there weren't any women except for Toph and herself, so her attitude and personality was rock hard, it had to be if she wanted to be respected and one day become chief herself. No one liked a brownnoser. But she was human too. But only her closest relatives knew that. Her mother, Aunt Katara, Aang, Uncle Sokka, Bumi, Kya, Honora and of course Tenzin. He knew her better than anyone else on the entire planet. She was tough, but she also was a woman. She had been able to make the majority of her surroundings to forget that, but she felt alone. Old, alone, bitter, angry about being old, alone and bitter, but she couldn't blame anyone but herself. The world thought of her as hard, bamf, life threatening and angry woman (don't get in the way of the Beifong rage), mainly because she was, but she wasn't angry at the world and the spirits, okay, maybe a little, but the one she was mad at: was herself. More than anything in the world she was so angry at herself for being such a weak and pathetic human being that still yearned for a married man that she broke up with 20 years ago, that she felt ill. If she continued to think about this, she would throw up in the sink. Luckily for her, Tenzin interrupted her thoughts.

"What are you doing up so late Lin? It's 2 am."

She looked away and a nerve in her temple twitched in annoyance of his question. How was she going to answer this? _Well of course he would wonder, you should be sleeping idiot. Did you have to get up for a stupid cup of non-calming tea on a night when he was sleeping on your damn couch? OF COURSE YOU DID! _She rolled her shoulders back, trying to relax a little bit and took a long sip of her tea before answering.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Oh…"

She rolled her eyes and let out a dry laugh. Why was he so surprised? Was she supposed to sleep well with her married ex on her couch?

"On a good night I'll sleep perhaps four or in very rare cases five hours a night."

She glanced at him, quickly studying his face before looking away. One thousand memories came to life when she looked at his face. His beard remembered her of how she used to trim if for him. How she would tug at it when teasing him. How she would drag is head down with it when she wanted a kiss. How it tickled her skin while he kissed her... _ALRIGHT BEIFONG GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!_

"On a bad night I don't sleep at all." She managed to say.

Her mind went blank and got lost in thoughts once again. A nightmare that revisited her at least once a week occupied her mind now. The night that her mother died… She hadn't been there, but she should have been. It was a winter evening and she wore a long black dress that fit her perfectly and black heels. She was dancing with Tenzin, drinking and laughing with her friends at a gala. Her mother was providing security, like she almost always did. Lin had begged her mother to wear her uniform too but her mother had insisted that she should be with her boyfriend instead. A stone formed itself in her gut. How she regretted not being with her mother that night. It was late when the guests decided it was time to return home. A quite drunk, horny Lin and a perfectly sober, supporting Tenzin was on their way out when a policeofficer stopped them and told them what had happened. Chief Beifong had left her post, called into a gang war raging a few blocks away. Lin didn't understand what he was talking about, until he said _"I'm so, so sorry. But you're the chief now."_

"What do you do when you can't sleep?"

_Oh shit, I forgot he was here! What did he ask me? And why wont he stop!? _

"I drink tea."

It was the only thing she could come up with though it buyed her a few seconds to form another reply.

"And then I work out, or clean. If I can relax I read a book. If I can't, I go to work."

She shrugged. It was true, but why did she tell him? _Oh that_ _bastard! _Tenzin had had this effect on her since they were children. He _broke_ _everything _that was protecting her from people. It pissed her off. He started to move around nervously on his chair. Her seismic sense caught it before her eyes did. _Why is he so damn nervous? Okay Beifong, you have been too honest tonight. Time to be yourself again. _And because it really did irritate her when people were nervous, she snarled:

"Stop fidgeting! You act as if you stood in front of Miss Lao in class, waiting to get a spanking for not behaving properly!"

This made him chuckle nervously of the memory, still uncomfortable; which in return outraged her even more. _That son of a bi-! _She grunted hard, trying to bite her harsh words down, but instead starting to mutter phrases to herself that was too quiet for him to hear. _Stupid, nervous airbenders can't keep their feet on the ground like a regular person._ He swallowed loudly and clenched his hands around the now cold tea cup harder.

"Well Lin… I… Ehrm… Um…"

_Oh, for the love of the spirits! _This time, the look she shot at him was furious for real. She absolutely _hated _when he stammered like that. He _knew _that she hated it.

"I can help you. With your sleep I mean."

Slowly she leaned back, completely blank in her head. What on earth did he mean? Why would he say that? He couldn't _help _her. She didn't _want _his help. She didn't _need _his help. What she _needed_ wasn't anything that he, or anyone else for that matter, could give her. She had to come up with an answer though, fast. _Why is his heart beating so fast? Tenzin, what on earth is going on in that bald head of yours?_

"How? Are you going to do my job for the next month? Are you going to take care of the Triple Threat Thriad's new members? Are you going to resurrect my mother so that I can talk to her one last time? Are you going to make me 25 again so that I don't have to deal with the chronic pain I have sustained from all the injuries I've been collecting like trophies the last 30 years? Are you…"

_Damn it! He did it _again_! How in the hell does he do that? Why am I telling him all of this? We're not friends. We're barely acquainted. He's my _ex. _He has a _wife. _Thank the Spirits I shut my mouth before something… Else… Slipped out. Stupid airbender luring all of my secrets and feelings out into the light._

"No." He simply said.

He stood up and walked over to hover above her. She leaned back on the chair to look at him, her arms crossed protectively over her chest. She hadn't even noticed. It was something she did when she wanted to run, preferably far away from any kind of society. She felt relieved though that he hadn't answered her. But why was he standing over her, staring his eyes out? A nervousness started to show physical symptoms. Her body trembled. Why did it tremble? What was her body reacting to, that her head couldn't figure out?

"But I can hold you tonight. Just for a couple of hours. So that you can sleep, I'll keep you warm."

That, obviously… Her body had known something was coming. She felt her jaw drop but couldn't seem to stop it. Her eyes felt dry and were probably standing out like crazy. She couldn't form a respond to this, could she? She could barely _think _straight. What was he talking about? Had he hit his head while sleeping? She couldn't remember seeing him do that, she had watched him all night. _WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? AM I DREAMING? IF I AM I WANT TO WAKE UP NOW. WAKE UPPPPPP! PLEASE! DAMN IT! _She didn't know what to do. Or say. _That son of a bitch. Who does he think he is? Alright, enough with this. He's leaving right now. He can only dream about sleeping on my couch again. Is this going to be the closure I've waited for for 20 years? I hope so. I can't do this anymore. I can't watch this man live his life on that island anymore. I can't live my life like this. I'd rather be dead than continuing to live like this. _She felt the horror of this fact creep up her neck when her voice seemed to have found a little strength again.

"I… No."

As she said this she shook her head, trying to clear her head once more and rose from the chair. She was standing so close to him that she could feel his heat, smell his skin and hear his heart pound hard through her feet. But she had realized something, and he didn't break her this time. Not anymore. Never again. She looked him straight in the eye and said:

"You have a wife. And what the hell makes you think I would let you do that? Get out."

Her words started out in anger but ended in a heavy sigh. _Good job Beifong, that strength of realization you were able to keep for not even one minute in his presence, you pathetic, sad little creature. _She swore to herself a little more, building up her anger.

"Lin…"

"NO, Tenzin. Get out. Get out of my apartment. Go home, for Spirits sake!" she screamed.

He needed to get out of her apartment right now, or she would hurt him, something, or herself beyond what Katara would be able to heal. But of course he didn't listen. He never had, would, or did. When he flung his arms around her something close to panic engulfed her. It surged through her body in waves, took control over every nerve, settled itself in her veins and limbs, spread through her like a disease, up her spine, through her shoulders and down all the way to her hands that seemed to be pounding hard at Tenzin's chest. She didn't even notice when she stopped, all energy gone in a second. She couldn't resist anymore. Tenzin had finally crushed her protecting walls and they had crumbled into a pile of dust. She felt numb and wasn't even conscious enough to notice Tenzin flicking of the lights, leading her into her bedroom and putting her down on her bed. She didn't come to life before she felt his warm lips lightly touch her forehead and his thumb stroking her cheek ever so gently. In that second, she could have cracked even more, like a mirror or a vase that hit a stone floor. She didn't get any words out, but Tenzin must have seen something in her face because sadness had appeared in his. _I am so, so sorry Tenzin. For everything. I have no one. My mother is gone. You're gone. Aang and Zuko and Sokka are gone. Kya and Bumi live their own lives. I have nothing, except my job, and my bending. And even that I lost. You weren't there when Amon took it away. I'm glad you weren't, but at the same time, in that moment I thought I would die. In that moment I could have used your arms around me. To stop me from falling. You're the only one who can. You're an airbender. And I was so traumatized after it happened, but no one noticed. No, Korra was priority number one, but I lost my bending too. The only thing that still mean something to me. I can feel my mother in the earth. I can hear her. See her. And my bending is the reason why I'm chief. So without my bending and my job, I'm nothing. I'm no one._

Tenzin rose, and she suddenly got afraid that he would leave. But he didn't, he walked over to the other side of the bed and sat down. She could feel his strong hands guiding her down under the blankets, and then his entire body followed. Her heart was oddly enough beating like it used to, calmly. Her back was pressed up against his chest and stomach, her head resting on his arm, his chin placed in her neck so she could feel his warm breath tickling her. Their legs were entangled, as if they still were a couple. The first years they had always slept like this. Somehow they both felt safe and comforted in each other's arms, knowing that they would stay that way forever. _But nothing lasts forever._ She didn't know how, but when Tenzin murmured:

"Goodnight Lin." In her ear, oblivion claimed her.

* * *

**Authors note: **TADAAA! So tell me, how crappy was it!?


	3. The First Kiss

**Author's note: **Hello everyone! I'm back with a possible oneshot, possible more chapters-thing, and someone really should send me a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolate because I stayed up late last night, writing for hours and hours on this chapter, instead of studying math. This is a kind off weird chapter, I don't really know what it is... But I hope you'll enjoy it. I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors, I will correct them when I find them, but not tiny ones... R&R and you will make me very, very happy!

_I do not own LoK or AtLA!_

* * *

It started out good, but then again, most relationships does. Lin and Tenzin though, were different. They had, after all, known each other since the first day Lin was born. And the older they got, the closer they became.

* * *

When Lin was five and Tenzin six, they were already inseparable. Lin earthbended in a rage, for the first time, when Bumi wouldn't stop teasing her beloved Tenzin. Her earthbending sent poor Bumi flying, landing on his rear. That day Toph Beifong cried tears of happiness.

When Lin turned 12, she noticed Tenzin looking at her longer than usual and that he seemed nervous in her presence sometimes, though she didn't yet understand why. She became irritated and insulted instead, angrily stomping away from him, unconsciously raising earth pillars trailing behind her. She was already used to boys giving her a lot of attention in school, even if she hated it and denied every single one of them the honor of her company and friendship.

When she was 14 she learned what defined a crush, and what it was like when being in love with someone. Kya was an incurable romantic, and told Lin everything she discovered. Lin decided that she would never, ever fall in love with a boy, terrified that she, enjoying Tenzin's company more than usual lately, would become in love herself. Her theory was that "it made women weak" and Lin Beifong was _not_ weak.

At age 15 she had given up fighting the, _symptoms, _that only appeared when she thought about Tenzin or was with him. Instead, she enjoyed when they parted after a long day together, or a sleepover, that the hugs seemed to last a little bit longer every time.

At age 16 she would give him a quick kiss on the cheek if they were alone while saying goodbye, turning her cheeks into a light shade of pink. She hoped that she would get some sort of respond back, but when she didn't, she refused to see him for a whole month, _very _offended and angry with herself for thinking that Tenzin perhaps liked her too. She got over it eventually, and their friendship went back to kiss-less and short-hugged goodbyes, because Lin didn't see the point in longing after Tenzin when he obviously didn't like her back.

At age 16 they used to spar each other into unconsciousness on the weekends, falling asleep beside each other, wherever they could find a comfortable spot near the training area. Under a tree, in Tenzin's bed, in a cave or on the beach... The locations were many. But they were still nothing more than extremely close best friends.

At age 17 their parents mercilessly dragged the teenagers with them to a ball in Republic City, but didn't see them for the whole evening. When Katara became worried, the clock had stricken twelve, so she went out to the balcony to look for them and found the two sleeping on Tenzin's cloak with empty food plates and glasses around them. A picnic on a balcony in the summer sunset, during a ball, both dressed up. It was really magic, Katara thought. She slipped back inside to find her husband, Toph and Sokka and dragged them along outside to show them, but they were disappointed and scolded Katara for giving them false hope. Lin and Tenzin had woken up and gotten rid of all the evidence of their evening together, but Toph noticed they were both behaving quite unusual on their way home.

The truth was: something had happened. It wasn't a big deal, though it came as a surprise to Lin who had tried to suppress and choke her "crush" on Tenzin for the last 3 years. Tenzin, out of nowhere, had claimed Lin's hand in his, holding it for a good 5 minutes before letting go. But still, nothing between the two of them happened.

At age 18 Lin was satisfied reading a book alone on a bench at Air Temple Island, under a magnificent oak, growing on the west side of the island. It was the most peaceful spot, farthest away from the buildings. She had a great view of the ocean, instead of Republic City's boring dock, even if it was very pretty at night when all the lamps were lit and the probending arena was open. She inhaled the summery air that was thick with the scent of flowers, deeply and took a break from her book, gazing out towards the horizon, were the water and the fading sun touched, calm and confident about who she was and how her life would turn out. She was one year away from graduating at the Metalbending Academy, and it was obvious that she was to graduate top of her class. Hopefully her mother would give her a position on the police force at once after that.

* * *

_She was only 18, but already a better earth- and metalbender than some of the officers on the force. She had a clear goal and vision of both hers and the force's future: she would become Chief when her mother retired. It was her job, her legacy, and everything she wanted. Well, it was the one thing that mattered to her the most, at the time. Later in life other things would occur, but she didn't realize how soon they would make themselves present._

* * *

She was wrapped up in a blanket, like a butterfly in a cocoon. The sun had quickly disappeared, and with it it's warmth, and her bare feet was placed on the wooden bench she was sitting on, so she jumped just a tiny bit of surprise when Tenzin quietly laid a hand on her shoulder from behind. She calmed down immediately, recognizing Tenzin's hand, and glanced up at him with a small smile playing on her lips. She couldn't seem to help it.

* * *

_Lin was, at her young age, almost as hard and though as she would be when she got older. It was obvious that her mother was Toph Beifong. They were earthbenders, metalbenders and masters of the seismic sense. Her mother was the best, the inventor of both arts, but Lin was almost as good as Aang by 18. They both shared the same rough humor, real issues with being bossed around and told what to do (Lin got in trouble for that a lot, but managed to learn how to keep calm later in life) and trouble with displaying their emotions like "normal" people. The famous Beifong rage ran forcefully in Lin's veins, she was dreadfully tired and grumpy in the morning, just like her mother, and Toph's expert teasing habits, nickname habits, swearing habits had rooted themselves somewhere inside Lin's genes as well... The list could go on forever. But one thing separated the two women, beside their looks and Toph's blindness. Toph didn't have much to be embarrassed about, she was the one who embarrassed others, it was a talent of hers, but her daughter had somehow managed to inherit a quite dangerous self-criticism. If Lin failed somehow, or didn't get a earthbending move right, she wouldn't let the subject go until she had perfected it, or gotten herself beaten up so bad, earthbending in the backyard of the Beifong house, that Katara would have to come over to heal her and angrily give her a 15-minute lecture every time, that Lin never listened to. Lin couldn't seem to help herself. She had to continue, or it would torment her heart and chest and lungs to pieces. At least that was what it felt like. _

_She was stubborn like her mother too, if not worse. If she was wrong about something or had to ask for forgiveness, she would have to gather all her strength to do so, letting it out in a lion's roar, or earthbend it out of her system, or drown herself in tasks like catching lethal criminals or interrogate caught ones until they whimpered and cried of fear in front of her, until she forgot all about it. All her feelings, she expressed through her work, leaving almost nothing to her relatives, and later in life, Tenzin. If she was angry she acted it out. If she was confused, or scared or emotional in any other way, she transformed it into anger, which was what fueled her at work. Pure, raw anger. And it made her damn good at her job. Some of the officers that joined the force lacked it, and they were the ones who got injured the most, or in the worst case scenario: killed. They didn't devote themselves enough to the job, to keep the city safe. It was more dangerous to lack courage and a spirit of steel than the ability to bend. _

_Lin was the guideline and definition of a good officer, but also a real authority figure, like her mother. She was rock-hard, just, intelligent and inventive. She worked well under pressure and never seemed to lost control. She was very hard on people, but just as hard on herself. Toph knew she could leave Republic City and the world in Lin's hands, more proud of her daughter than words could describe._

* * *

Lin didn't need to greet him, she just met his gaze with her smile and he looked down at her, also smiling, and didn't move his hand. He gestured with the other one to the space her feet occupied as if he silently asked:

"May I?"

She simply shrugged and he took it as a yes. That's how well they knew each other, often they didn't have to communicate with words at all. She moved her feet to place them on the ground while he stepped around the bench and sat down. She tried to ignore that he was sitting quite close to her, and concentrated on her book again, but couldn't finish the page, too aware of Tenzin sitting so close. She threw a quick glance at him but couldn't tear her eyes away after doing so. He was looking out at the water, just like she had before he surprised her, and she briefly wondered what was going on in his bald head. She didn't dwell on that though long, instead she started to think about how handsome he had gotten the last year. She took in his blue airbender arrow, almost a year old now, his forehead, the corner of his eye, the shape of his nose and the corner of his mouth. He noticed her stare before she could shut the thoughts down and she turned her head away, blushing, trying to hide it from him, but of course he noticed.

"What?" he asked, smiling at her.

She felt her mouth twitch upwards, so she tried to control it, but she bet he could see that too so she gave up and shook her head, refusing to answer.

She had long ago given up the hopes of her and Tenzin being something more than friends. She had forced herself to settle with the idea of spending her whole life upholding her mother's legacy, but once every now and then she would catch Tenzin doing small things that rekindled her hopes again. Like smiling at her, or just look at her. She sighed inaudibly at her own stupidity; she would have to let this... _Thing, _go. She was being an absurd, corny fool thinking about him like that.

She had become weak, just like her 14 year old self had been scared of.

She didn't know what had gotten into her; usually she did a pretty good job of keeping Tenzin out of her more-than-a-friend-place in her heart. But this night she had been more relaxed than other nights she had spent by herself lately, and so she had let her guard down, something she did unconsciously when she was alone, and therefore hadn't been prepared for Tenzin. But now that he was here, she couldn't help but notice him, with all her senses. That reminded her that she had her feet to the ground, and then she couldn't ignore his heartbeat, beating wildly. The vibrations of his heart moved up through her body all the way to her knees. She couldn't turn her seismic sense on or off, but she was quite good at ignoring it, but once she "awoke" it she couldn't ignore it if there wasn't a major distraction nearby. She didn't have time to wonder _why _Tenzin's heartbeat skipped around like leaves whirling on the ground in an autumn wind, before she could feel his hand carefully being placed on her left knee. She looked up from the book with a nervous butterfly in her stomach to see if he was eyeing her too, but was disappointed when he was still looking at the ocean, or perhaps the stars. He had probably done it unconsciously or just to be kind. The sun was gone and it was completely dark outside except for the half moon and the stars that twinkled in the distance. She let out a deep sigh and shooed the butterfly in her stomach away, she wanted to just relax, and read her book. She worked her way through the page she was currently reading.

"Lin?"

"Mhm?" She mumbled after finally being able to concentrate on her book once again. She was at the part where the princess was just about to earthbend the whole mountain in two pieces of grief over losing her mother and father to the spirit Koh. She didn't look up at Tenzin, too intent on continue reading.

"Lin?"

She sighed, her concentration shattering in tiny pieces. Again.

"What?" she said, a little irritation sneaking into her voice, as she tore her eyes away from the book to look up at Tenzin.

She was not prepared for the look on his face. She gulped loudly, and felt sweat starting to bead in her palms and her heart going into overdrive. He was facing her, his hand still on her knee, and he looked like he was just about to throw up. He was pale white and sweating, his eyes endlessly flying around instead of focusing on her. He looked down at her book, at the stars, at the leaves above them and his robes in a furious speed, but never at her. He coughed and tried to clear his throat. Lin had never been so terrified in her whole life, she felt as if her heart was trying to break out of its cage of bones when Tenzin finally opened his mouth:

"Lin... Well, I'm, uhmm..." He stumbled on his words nervously.

And in that moment Lin Beifong couldn't control herself under the pressure he was putting on her, and because of her nervousness, so she snarled:

"Spit it out already!" which made Tenzin almost jump out of his skin, recognizing Lin's irritated tone in her voice and naturally respond to it like a dog listening to a command:

"I love you!"

He almost howled it out in a squeaky voice and for a second Lin was a hundred percent sure that her heart stopped beating. Her jaw dropped and she was also quite sure that her intestines had transformed into vicious, poisonous snakes trying to knot themselves up in a heap inside of her and stab her to death with their teeth. She was in shock; she couldn't grasp the concept of his words. What did they even mean? And, to frighten her again, into oblivion this time, well, almost, and terrify Tenzin even more, warm tears started to make their way down Lin's rosy cheeks. Lin Beifong didn't cry. Lin knew that. Tenzin knew that. Everybody knew that. If she did, something was very, very wrong. Tenzin hadn't seen Lin cry since she was a toddler, _Lin_ _hadn'_t cried since she was a toddler. And since Tenzin was so terrified, she didn't know why, if it was because of that he had told her that he loved her, or if it was because of her reaction, he, the wimp, started to cry too.

"Lin! _Lin_, why are you crying? Is something wrong? Shouldn't I have told you? Oh please, say something!"

He stood up from the bench, after releasing his near hysterical words, and started pacing in front of the bench with jerky movements and crying in confusion. He looked so ridiculous and cute at the same time that Lin started laughing out loud, choking on her own sobs. This made Tenzin stop and stare at her while she was doubling over with laughter and tears and shrieked:

"_WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME LIN!?_" while the tears gushed from his eyes.

Lin managed to sit up straight, controlling her laughter into chuckling, wiping the tears away from her eyes with a huge grin on her face. Tenzin's tears had stopped running so he just stood in front of her, more confused than ever. He had turned into a statue, so when she had dried her runny nose on the blanket she let it fleet down to the ground, and stood up.

She was standing so close to him that she could feel his heat radiating out from his body and hear his breath. She could even smell his skin, and she swallowed, trying not to tremble as she raised her eyes from the ground up to his mouth, standing up on her toes and putting her hands against his chest for support, feeling his heartbeat under her right palm, and leaned in so close their lips were almost touching. She closed her eyes and leaned in the last centimeter, her heart pounding so hard in her chest that it almost hurt.

It was a tiny, fleeting kiss. Her lips barely touched his but it sent a wave of feelings through her that she had never experienced before. It was as if someone had left her alive in a heat wave without water in a desert, and at the same time shot a lightning at her. It was a marvelous, magic feeling and in that moment she could have died and gone to the Spirit world.

She slowly, slowly leaned back on her heels, her breathing hitched and marred of the feelings raging throughout her body, and looked up at Tenzin who had his eyes open, looking bewildered. A smile broke free in her face and she quickly turned around to pick up her book and her blanket, and snuck past Tenzin who hadn't moved a single inch. When she reached the path between the trees that led out of the clearing, she turned around and chuckled. Tenzin still hadn't moved and looked down at the spot where she had been standing. She started walking back to the women's dormitory, feeling as if she was walking on clouds.

* * *

**Author's note: **SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME HOW I DID, OKAY!? I BEG YOU


	4. Skoochy (Part 1)

**Author's note: **Hello hello! I kind off hate/love this chapter. I hate it because it contains some very emotional Lin (in my world she's The Ice Queen and just a bamf overall) and I love it because I hope it will torture you with feels. Please take note: this is PART ONE. I've been writing this and the next part for like, 3 days so they may contain some spelling mistakes. More than usual I mean. Anyway, enjoy! And pleeeeease R&R!

_I do not own these characters, AtLA or LoK!_

* * *

The clock in the hallway struck two, and she could _finally _feel her eyelids growing heavy. She was curled up on her couch, leaning on a big cushion and had her long legs folded underneath a blanket. She was reading some papers that she had brought home from work nearly a week earlier. She'd been tired when she got home, but hadn't been able to fall asleep.

Republic City had, for the past two weeks, slowly come to understand that winter was on its way. Late October... Ice-cold rain. Snow. Hail. Torturous and mind freezing winds for those who wore a metal suit. Literally. Lin sighed. Her trenchcoat and scarf was hanging in the hall, drying up from the downpour she had stomped her way home through. The triads did calm down in the winter, especially if it turned out to be a cold one, to the force's relief, but instead, all the homeless and poor became more desperate. Lin usually arrested five people a day that had stolen some food or something else, right under her nose, just so that they could sleep inside a warm building and get a hot meal for a month. It made her feel sad, and she didn't want to have to arrest them, but she couldn't let them go either, knowing that they probably didn't have anywhere to sleep or anything to eat. She remembered an incident where she had found a boy roaming the street she lives on. It was a long time ago since she thought about it.

_He was looking through the trashcans when she came. A snowstorm had killed almost all activity in the entire city for a week. No one should, or wanted, to be outside, or the locals that dared to walk outside in daylight would find someone dead on their doorstep. The poor kid didn't discover her until she was standing in front of him, on the other side of the trashcan that he was digging through. When he noticed her, he looked up, recognized her as a police officer, whirled around, and started running faster than Lin could even imagine, in the opposite direction. But, nothing is faster in Republic City than Chief Lin Beifong's metalcables, and so she shot one single cable after him, caught him, and then walked up to him, not letting the cable go. He'd fallen on his rear and landed in the knee-deep snow. When Lin walked up to him he shivered of the cold. She lowered herself down to his level and asked him if he was hungry. He nodded, so Lin helped him up and directed him to the building she lived in, and helped him up the stairs. When they got in, after Lin unlocked the door with her metalbending, she went to find some dry clothes and a towel, while the boy waited in the hall, aimlessly scanning the walls for something personal. He didn't find a single thing. When Lin came back, she ordered him to take a hot bath. He was very dirty. And cold. And skinny... _

_"If you go down this hall, there's a living room, the door to the left leads to my bedroom, and the door to the left inside there, goes to the bathroom. Okay? You can bathe for as long as you like." she said to him in a uncharacteristic, sweet voice, and handed him the clothes and the towel._

_He gulped, nodded, and snuck past her._

_While in the bath, Lin made tea and a quick soup with noodles. She looked out the kitchen window. _What on earth made him go outside in such horrid weather? _The teakettle on the stove whistled and interrupted her thoughts. She poured the water in two cups and put some tea-leaves in. She sat down at the small table with a bowl for herself and the boy, who couldn't be more than 7 years old. When he came out from her bedroom a couple of minutes later, he wore too big sweatpants, with a too big t-shirt, too big socks and had wet hair hanging and dripping down in his eyes. She gestured towards the bowl so he slowly walked through the room and sat down on the other chair. There were only two. Lin didn't have any visitors. Only Katara, once a year, or perhaps Kya, once every third year. Saikhan had been sitting_ _on it a couple of times, a long time ago. The boy gulped down the soup and the tea in 3 minutes, and Lin refilled his bowl 2 times. She asked him a couple of questions that he was quite reluctant to answer. What was he doing outside in the middle of a snowstorm? Where were his parents? Where did he come from? What was his name? How old was he? He answered her quietly, but in a rush. He had, as she suspected, been trying to find some food. His parents were dead, he was born in Republic City, but ran away from the orphanage because a couple of older bender boys bullied him, his name was Skoochy and he was, much to her surprise, 10 years old. After he finished, she gave him a pillow and a blanket and let him sleep on her couch. She let him stay the rest of the week, and by the end of it, the snowstorm was gone. She left for work early, but left him breakfast. When she got home she made dinner. Both he and she warmed up a little after a while. He when he realized that she was the famous Lin Beifong, but still didn't arrest him, and she when she realized that he wouldn't steel anything. When he was about to walk out her door, after living there for five days, warmly dressed, even if some of the clothing was too big, she told him that if he ever needed a place to stay for a few days, he was welcome. And she told him to at least try to stay away from working for the triads, it was dangerous._

Lin smiled a little of the memory. It had been nice to have someone there when she came home from work. And she felt that she couldn't reject the poor boy. It was two years ago now, since she found him. She ran in to him from time to time, and always gave him the few coins she had on her. Lin then realized that she'd been stuck in her thoughts for almost half an hour, looking at the clock beside her, and was now tired enough for bed. When she was just about to get up, a hard knock could be heard at her door. She became suspicious. It was 2:30 am, and she hadn't detected anything with her seismic sense, but then again, she hadn't had her bare feet to the floor. But who could want to meet with her at this time of night? If the police needed her, they usually just called. Lin could feel a small jolt of adrenaline set in, and she was instantly wide awake. She put her papers down on the coffee table, rose from the couch and put on her black silk robe that was lying next to her. Underneath it she wore short boxers and her regular white tank top. Her long, silver hair fell down her back in waves. It was much longer than one would think when they saw her working. She always pinned it up in a way so that it wouldn't tangle in her cables, but when at home she usually just let it be. Walking down her hallway, she used her feet to detect who was standing at her door, and she came to a screeching halt when she recognized it. It was light. Too light for a grown man. Only airbenders could be so light on their feet. A sour, hard lump formed in her gut, and a flare of anger awoke in her chest. She tensed and scowled, but took a deep breath, leaned forward, and opened her door, ready to snarl something mean.

3 months after the Equalists revolution, 30 years on the police force, losing the love of her life, losing her mother and losing her bending, Lin thought it quite impossible to really take her by surprise anymore, but obviously she'd been wrong. She could feel her face showing that surprise, but it only lasted for a second before she managed to compose it back into an expressionless mask. In front of Lin's apartment Tenzin, in all his glory, stood, and held in his arms, a trembling young boy. Lin's expressionless mask cracked at the sight of it. When she could tear her gaze away from Skoochy's limp body and look up at Tenzin, he just looked at her with a tired, sad expression and she instinctively moved out of the way so that Tenzin could hurry into her apartment, without as much as a hello, and as if he'd never left it from the beginning. He walked right into the living room while Lin shut the door behind her and quickly followed. When she entered the room, Tenzin had laid Skoochy down on her couch and she opened her mouth before he even had time to turn around and face her.

"What happened?!" It came out a little too loud to be perceived as calm, but she didn't care.

Tenzin spun around, blowing up a wind that made Lin's hair whirl down in her face and headed for her bedroom. The worry hit her like lightning and with a pang in her chest and she hurried to the couch and knelt down, trying to find what was wrong with Skoochy, because something was. His eyes weren't open and his breathing heavy, wheezy and uneven. His open mouth was in threads of flesh and blood, and the red liquid ran down his chin, dripping onto her couch. With strong hands and arms, Lin tore his clothes and found the source on the boy's body. At first, she couldn't understand what her eyes told her that she saw. It didn't feel real to her, it was completely unrealistic. She felt so out-tuned from her own body, and could no longer her Tenzin dig through her bathroom, that she was afraid she was losing her bending once again. She remained frozen, just staring at the gaping hole in the boy's stomach, until Tenzin emerged from her bedroom with a sheet full of bandages, herbs and water. He stopped immediately as he laid his eyes upon Lin, kneeling beside the couch, frozen and her hands covered in blood.. But she didn't look up at him. She could only stare at the red that ran down her hands and was absorbed by her once green couch. Where the blood spread it now looked black. She could feel her heart beat angrily against her ribs, but just couldn't move. Her mind was a hurricane. _What happened? How could this happen? HE'S ONLY A BOY! HE'S _MINE_! _As she thought this, she tried to take in some sort of air, but choked. Her throat was all tangled up in chock. She could feel warm tears making their way down her cheeks, her lungs screaming for air that she couldn't give them and a headache starting to pound in her temples. She knew he wasn't hers. He never was and he would never be, but still. He was hers, in a weird way that she hadn't even understood herself yet. And she felt so guilty. So, so unbelievably guilty. She could have done more for him. Adopt him. If she'd done that, he'd never been injured. He'd been alive with a good shot at the future. The tears clouded her vision but she could focus long enough to see his chest stop moving. And that's when a sound fought its way out of her throat that made Tenzin crash down beside her, pulling her away from Skoochy into his warm embrace, that she thought she would never find herself in, again. Her body reacts as if on autopilot and she releases her grip on the dead boy that keeps bleeding on her couch, throws her bloody arms and hands around Tenzin's neck and sobs into his chest. She's doesn't know that her thoughts slips out of her mouth, her mind and body still processing the chock.

"He's…" Hiccup. "Mine..."

She's not aware of how long Tenzin holds her, just sitting there on the floor, rocking her back and forth like a baby, stroking her back and whispers comforting words in her ear. But she can feel his tears landing in her hair.

"He's mine Tenzin, and I let him down. He was mine. I was supposed to protect him and I let him down. I'm so, so sorry." Her words come out in weak whispers but Tenzin hears them perfectly.

After a while, it might have been ten minutes or four hours, her sobs die down to sniffs, her breathing becomes more regular and her heart calms down. Tenzin has stopped crying and dries her tears with his left thumb, stroking her scarred cheek. When he seems to realize what he's doing, he stops, and just holds her. A minute later he moves, and Lin gasps out loud but grips tightly to his robes when she finds herself cradled in his arms while he carries her to her bed, and slowly lays her down. That's when she feels how exhausted she is. As if someone has sucked the life out of her completely. When her head hits the pillow, her mind goes blank. She can't keep her eyes open one more moment, and sinks into darkness.


	5. Skoochy (Part 2)

**Author's note: **And here comes part two! _I do not own these characters, AtLA or LoK!_

* * *

It's a chilly day, but at least the sun is shining, and the sky is a light, light blue. The brown, red and orange dead leaves around her metalprotected feet are covered with frost, just like everything else. It's in the trees and on the ground, on the pavement in the city, on the windows and in the air. Or, as in Lin's case, her hair. She was stupid enough to shower before she left.

She sits on a very familiar bench, her arms crossed over her chest, one leg thrown over the other and chin jutted out. She has her uniform on, like always, but wears a warm-knitted, black scarf and her extra-warm-coat. She looks at the sun that during the afternoon slowly had been creeping further down the sky. Lin didn't necessarily care about the weather, but the sun warmed up her face in such a nice way, that she just couldn't help but enjoy it at the moment. An old memory started to make itself present in her head, due to her current location, and for the first time in a long, long time she let it slip her mental barrier. A pang of sorrow hit her in the chest, but she's used to it. But now she couldn't recall why she thought it was such a good idea to come _here_ from the beginning, it was like dumping salt into and almost-healed wound. _32 years. I can't _believe _it was actually that long ago. I'm getting old. _Almost-healed wound was the keyword. Lin had come to terms with that a long time ago. That it was a wound that would never heal properly. She'd done her best. But it was exhausting some days, truly.

It was especially exhausting when she was sitting on the same bench, on the same island, in the same city, even lonelier than she was the first time. It was _even more_ exhausting that the same man suddenly came walking down the same path, interrupting her once again. All he ever did was interrupt her. Or so it seemed, at least to her. She decided to correct that thought. It was her that had asked him to come here, so basically he couldn't interrupt her. But she would keep an eye on him interrupting her afterwards; just to see if it was another talent she could add to his list. Tenzin: The Interrupter of Lin Beifong's actions and thoughts. Beside the fact that she faintly could hear his footsteps and breathing, she didn't need to turn around to greet him, or say anything for that matter. Their silent language had revived itself during the Equalist revolution. Tenzin came from behind her and sat down on the left side of the bench, like he always did. Her to the right and him to the left. And always with his right hand on her left knee. But this time there was no hand. Tenzin breathed out a heavy sigh, and she watched his breath vapor in the cold October-air. She redirected her sight to the horizon, where the sun slowly drowned in the water. They sat in silence for a while, both occupied with thoughts that neither of them wanted to share, but Lin was the first to speak. She let her voice sound like normal, just a tiny bit less angry, and tried to contain her pain as much as she could. She had no idea if Tenzin would notice, but somehow she hadn't been able to be a coldhearted bitch to him since her complete breakdown in her apartment. She had reacted to Skoochy's death like any mother witnessing her child die would. She thought she never would have to go through such grief, but here she was. And she hadn't been prepared, at all. How could she? She hadn't even realized she harbored so strong feelings for the child.

"What happened?" she asked calmly.

"I… I was working late that night, and was on my way home. I took a shortcut, and almost fell over him in a dark alley. He was very, very weak. And he kept saying your name."

Lin could feel tears burning behind her now closed eyes, and managed to say:

"You didn't answer my question."

Tenzin heaved a sigh before answering.

"I don't know what happened, Lin. I took him to you, but he was already dying when I found him."

The way he said her name made a shiver move up her spine involuntarily, and she hated herself for it. Even though her throat was tied up in a knot and her lungs screaming for air she barely was able to breathe, her anger fueled the words out of her mouth.

"I will find whoever did that to him. I will find them, and I will _kill_ them." A tear rolled down her cheek, and Tenzin saw it. He moved as close as the bench would let him and put his arm around her shoulders. She didn't have the strength to snarl at him or push his arm away. Her inside was trembling.

They stayed like that until the sun was almost gone, and the air so cold that is started to numb their hands and feet. First then Lin had calmed down and was as composed as always. Icier and colder than the weather surrounding her. She shrugged her shoulders so that Tenzin's arm lost its grip and he drew it back. He clenched his hands in his lap. Lin waited patiently for an apology. When none came, her patience dissolved into the air.

"I don't know what made you say what you said a week ago, but I want you to take it back."

Tenzin became stiff and looked at her. She looked back. In her eyes there were only coldness and steel to be found, but in his there was a war. Two sides of him battled with what was right and what he was feeling. Lin knew which side would win. Because it always did. And always would. Tenzin always, _always, _did the right thing. No matter what. No matter how hard it was. And so did Lin. But she learned it, and Tenzin was born with it. Tenzin opened his mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out. In his eyes Lin could see the right side winning, even if the rest of him was as composed as herself. An absolutely illicit, deadly feeling spread through Lin's chest. The purest form of hurt, disappointment, and unanswered love. And there were no words for how much she hated herself for it. She still loved a man that had left her _20 years ago_ for a much younger, non-bending woman, because it was _the right thing_. It wasn't healthy to love someone the way Lin loved Tenzin, anyone could understand that, even a mere child. So she stood up, determined that she was about to hand in her resignation as chief of police, and walked out of the clearing, just as the last bit of sun died in the ocean. Her tears didn't fall, and no emotions broke through her mask as she made her way across the island back to the ferry.

Her whole being was entirely running on a last tank of anger and hatred instead of the fuel the Satomobiles were driven on, knowing that after her mission of revenge, she would leave this world_. Iron Lady. What a pathetic name for a woman like me. I've never been an iron lady. I've just tried to coupe with losing everything I've ever cared about, and done a pretty good job at it._

Longer than that Lin had no time to think, because a tall airbender landed from the middle of nowhere, in front of her and forced her to stop in her retreat to safe ground. She glanced around and saw that she was halfway to the boat; they were in the training area. Lanterns lit up the space. Her hands on her hips, she furiously tried to stare Tenzin down. He was panting and had a pleading look in his eyes, trying to catch his breath.

"Lin! Wait!"

She growled of frustration and walked past him, giving him a rough shove in the shoulder, but as soon as she was past him she was yanked back, and stood face to face with him. When he didn't say anything, just standing there, looking at her with the battling look in his eyes and holding a firm grip on her left arm, she snarled:

"If you have something to say, just spit out already! I don't have all day!" That seemed to do it. The look in his eyes disappeared, and a hard one traded its place.

"I have never stopped loving you, Lin. Never."

Slap. Her hand was on fire, and it tingled unpleasantly inside it. She had just slapped Tenzin, hard, right across the face. Tenzin was stunned. Lin too, she hadn't even had time to think the thought before her hand had done it.

"You're lying." she said. "And how _dare _you!"

Tenzin just stood there and held his cheek with one hand. Lin sighed deeply, trying to collect her thoughts and closed her eyes. She was _very _angry, but a few tears slipped past the barrier of her eyelids. _I'm sick of all this week-ass crying. What the...!? _Her eyes shot open when she found herself inside Tenzin's embrace and felt his lips crash onto hers in a furious, desperate kiss. For a second, she got lost in the feeling of his lips against hers. She'd forgotten how it felt. How _he _felt. How love felt. But she didn't let it last. She broke free just as Tenzin's tongue was about to slip inside her mouth and she shoved him away from her. Just to be sure that he was a safe distant away from her, she stomped her heel into the ground and raised an earthpillar, sending him a couple of feet into the air before he landed on the ground, safely, thanks to his airbending. Now Tenzin was furious too, a sight few had the privilege to see.

"LIN! _SPIRITS I'LL BE DAMNED_! I'M NOT _LYING_! WHY WON'T YOU _BELIEVE _ME!?" he screamed, gesturing with his arms and unconsciously bending the air around him. He was as red as a tomato and looked utterly ridiculous with the small tornado surrounding him. Even if Lin wanted to laugh at him, she was too worked up and started screaming back, having zero control what so ever over her own bending. It looked as if there was a miniature earthquake happening behind her as she screamed.

"YOU ONLY SAY THAT NOW BECAUSE I SAVED YOUR FAMILY AND YOU SAW ME CARE ABOUT SKOOCHY! YOU DIDN'T WANT ME ANYMORE BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT CHILDREN BUT WHEN YOU SAW ME WITH SKOOCHY I BECAME THE WOMAN YOU WANTED ME TO BE, ONLY 20 YEARS TOO LATE!" She'd screamed with all her might and now she tried to catch her breath, bending down to rest her hands against her knees. Anger pulsed through her. _Lucky for the world I'm not the avatar, or I would have been able to destroy it with my wrath._

"No, Lin! That's not true!"

She looked up at him and felt his heartbeat. It was beating fast, probably because of adrenaline, but it didn't change. He wasn't lying. Lin felt like she could breathe again so she stood up and took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"Linny…"

Tenzin's weak, hurt voice caught her attention. He looked like a wounded animal, a devastated look in his eyes. It felt like her heart was being grinded to flour as she spoke her next words. It was her turn to do the right thing, even if it was her last chance with the man she loved.

"I don't feel the same way, Tenzin."

She turned around. She couldn't let him see her pained face.

"Goodbye."

* * *

**Author's note: **You guys are very reluctant to review, I must say, and because I'm a bitch I'm giving you an ultimatum: review this crappy chapter or I won't continue with this story! ;)


	6. Captured

**Author's note: **Look, I have an update! I'm in a writing phase, yay me! I feel like a schizophrenic when I write my chapters. One half of me want extremely emotional, suicidal and self-destructive Lin while the other half wants her to be The Ice Queen. It's very annoying. Anyway, you seem to like it when I torture both her and Tenzin, so I'm going to do just that. I like to break hearts, it's my new hobby. ANYWAYS! Again... This happened after/while/during Lin got her bending taken away. (Take notes: this has nothing to do with Skoochy, all my chapters are oneshots unless I say something different!) There will be a part two, but I haven't finished writing it yet. Enjoy this and please R&R it makes me very, very happy!

(I don't know what you guys think, but there is some serious lack of Linzin smut out there, and I would gladly give you some of it, if I could. But I doubt, A LOT, that I can write smut. Well, we'll se what happens in the future. But seriously, if you have some amazing Linzin-stories and/or Linzin smut, give it to me! PM or review, spread the Linzin love!)

_I do not own these charactes, AtLA or LoK!_

* * *

When she woke up, she was exhausted. She'd never felt so tired before in her entire life. Her limbs were stiff, heavy, it felt as if there was pain everywhere and she was lying in a _very_ uncomfortable position, her scarred cheek down on the ground. Or floor. She didn't know anymore. She couldn't feel or hear any vibrations. She couldn't hear anything else either. It was as if the earth had swallowed her hole and hid her from the world. Everything was quiet, except from her strained breathing.

She was cold; it felt like it was eating away at her, that it had been for quite some time. She couldn't open her eyes to see where she was. It was too hard, and she didn't care anyway. Nothing was worth getting up for. She'd lost it all. Her career. Her mother. The love of her life. And now her bending too. Why should she get up? She had no reason to anymore. Her own life didn't mean anything at all to her, compared to the people that were present in her life.

She didn't know for how long she'd been unconscious. The war could have been both won and lost by now. Somehow it felt as if it was lost. _But they might still need me. Maybe it's not all over yet. I'm not completely worthless without my... _But she felt so heavy. And someone or something had a tight grip around her lungs.

Her mind felt foggy and thick, like she couldn't think straight. Her uncomfortable position forced her to try and move, and she groaned loudly into the darkness as her back, arms and shoulders started burning with pain. Her self-preservation instincts kicked in. But she wasn't surprised, all officers that wished to join the police force was trained hard before they got accepted. Her mind didn't have to tell her to save herself, her body didn't need the instructions. She tried to take deep breaths, opened her eyes and bit her tongue hard as she sat up. A few feet to her left she could discern a wall so she mercilessly crawled there and straightened her back against it, letting her head fall back so that she could breathe properly. A wave of nausea ran through her. How much of the little energy she had left, had it cost her to do that single movement? She'd also bit her tongue so hard she felt the metallic flavor of blood, and spit it out beside her. It reminded her of the metal she could no longer bend. She forced herself to scan her surroundings. She was in a square room with cold, wet stone floor. The opposite wall of the one she was leaning against had a wooden door, it didn't match its frame perfectly so a little light seeped in. As another wave of nausea hit her, she couldn't keep it down. She crouched over to the left and threw up. When she was done she leaned her head back once again and let out a deep sigh, her strength was drained for each breath she took. Her eyelids felt heavy. _I need to rest._ She'd noticed that the wooden door didn't even seem locked, she could probably just walk out of there, but the injuries she was sure covered her under her armor stopped her. She figured that she could fall asleep and just pray that she would wake up before anything happened. It was a risk she had to take.

She'd been asleep for a long time, at least a couple of hours. Most of her body ached, her mouth was dry, her lips had cracked and her hair was a tangled mess of dirt and sweat. She raised her arms to see if the pain was bearable, and it was. She tried to move her legs around a little. They were fine, except she suspected she had a nasty bruise on her left knee. She took a deep breath to gather her strength and forced herself to stand up, leaning for support against the wall. Her sight blackened and she swayed, a little unsteady on her feet. Luckily for her she'd been victim for concussions before, she knew what to do. _Breathe in, breathe out... In, out... 10… 20… 30… _She felt her head getting clearer and clearer, so soon she was ready to walk out the door. Her hand on the handle, she was prepared for an unlocked door, but it wasn't. She decided to ignore the fact that it may break and make potentially dangerous noise, and flung the door open without much difficulty. The lock looked murdered with a crowbar, and so did the door and the frame. Lin peeked out. It seemed like she was in a basement corridor, to her right it ended with a stonewall with a floor drain and a tap, but to her left there were several doors, and by the end of the corridor was a stair. She tried to listen for sounds, but couldn't her anything. She was just about to retract the metalplate under her foot to scan the place with her seismic sense, when she remembered that she had none. She cursed and muttered under her breath. If she hadn't jumped off of Oogi's tail, she'd probably still have her bending. But despite her bitterness, Lin couldn't regret her sacrifice. She started for the door, light on her feet and went up the stairs. At the top of it, it was blocked by a door. Lin hunched and looked through the keyhole. A sigh of relief escaped her. She knew where she was, and it was empty. She straightened her back and gave the door a rough shove with her left shoulder, a bad idea because it hurt like hell, but the door opened, and she left it as disheveled as the first one. She found herself in the storage on Air Temple Island. It was like an attic, but in its own building. She used to come and hide here as a kid. The floor was made of wood, so her mother couldn't find her. The room was quite big, and dusty. It didn't look like anyone had been there for a while, except for the path between boxes and trunks that had roughly and uncaringly been made to be able to drag her down to the basement of the establishment. To her left a big box was marked with **SHEETS **and she looked down on her uniform. It was covered in dirt and mud. She decided to clean it up. She opened the box and found it filled with old, shopworn sheets. She grabbed two and went down to the basement to see if the tap was working. After a while it started sputtering out rusty water, so she just let it run until the water became clear. She wet the sheets and started cleaning her mess of a uniform. When she was done, she washed her face and hands. She did her best trying to pin her hair back to its usual form, then she turned the tap off and went up to the room again. She guessed the final door that led her to freedom would be locked too, but it wasn't.

Outside the sun was shining and the sky was blue. A few smoke pillars could be seen in Republic City, otherwise it didn't seem like a war was raging in it. Everything around her was calm and peaceful, no signs of the Equalists presence. She headed for the dock, figuring that she needed to get back to the city to get updates about the war. Her injuries would have to wait, and besides, they didn't hurt that much when she was walking. When she got closer to the ferry, she could hear distant voices. When she got close enough she could see Team Avatar, Tenzin and the kids. When she neared, Meelo discovered her and flew out of Tenzin's arms, happily screaming:

"Hero Lady!"

Everyone turned around and greeted her, except Korra. The young Avatar had a miserable look on her face. Lin didn't have to ask what had happened. She knew exactly how the Avatar felt, if not worse... She proceeded through the group and placed her hands on Korra's shoulders.

"I can't believe Amon got to you to."

Korra looked down on her feet.

"Hey, at least you unlocked your airbending!" Bolin said in a cheery voice with Paboo on his shoulder.

Lin, Asami and Mako looked at him with irritated expressions. Tenzin, Pema and the kids were standing a bit farther away and hadn't heard what he said.

"Bro', not the time." Mako said.

Bolin looked guilty.

"Right, right. I'll just stand over here, quietly, in silence." He backed a few steps and covered his mouth with his hands.

Right then a big ship came into the harbor. It was a ship from the United Forces.

Lin heard Tenzin say:

"You saved Republic City." to Korra, and she sighed.

"But Amon got away."

"Yay! Uncle Bumi's here!" Ikki screeched.

A tall, dark-skinned, handsome man appeared on deck. He wore a red United Force's uniform, white pants and had dark brown hair flying in the wind. Blue eyes.

"WAAAHOOO!" He cheered and clapped his hands together with a huge, wicked grin on his face.

Lin felt like running for her life. She hadn't seen Bumi in at least ten years and from the looks of it, he hadn't changed at all. Bumi was everything Lin resented in a man. He could be heartbreakingly charming, and he was naturally very handsome, she had to give him that, but he liked women. A lot. And sake. He loved to flirt with her; he always had. Mostly because he knew how much she hated it and how much she disapproved of both his behavior, personality and manners. He also loved it because he knew how angry Tenzin would get at him for doing it, back when they were young. Bumi was Tenzin's ultimate opposite, in every way possible, so she almost, _almost, _smiled of malice when Tenzin said:

"Great... Now I have to entertain my brother."

Lin had, their entire relationship, from friendship to ex-ship, liked to mock Tenzin. She was a little bit jealous of Bumi. She couldn't enjoy teasing him of his habits and whereabouts that way anymore.

Tenzin slumped his shoulders and went to meet Bumi.

Beside Lin stood Jinora and the girl had a distant look on her face. _She's a very peculiar girl_. She was a lot like Tenzin; she was calm, serious, smart, and responsible _and_ liked to read. Lin had seen the girl several times on different occasions, and the girl had always had a book under her arm. Lin had just decided to leave for a bed when Jinora looked up at her and said:

"What did you mean when you said 'I can't believe Amon got to you too?'?"

Ah, so someone had heard her. And now everyone around her heard it too. Lin didn't say anything, and suddenly it vent up for everyone when they noticed her strained face. Pema gasped. Team Avatar looked like they were about to drop their mouths on the pier. Ikki and Meelo seemed like they didn't really understand what was going on or what it meant. Jinora looked at her with sad, guilty eyes. She fully understood, compared to her younger siblings, that Lin had lost her bending because she saved them by leaping of off Oogi. No one said anything. Lin tried to hide the pain that obviously showed in her face and swallow the lump in her throat to say something reassuring about her wellbeing, but nothing came out. 30 seconds later Tenzin and Bumi appeared. Tenzin looked like he was in hell. Bumi had his arm flung over Tenzin's shoulders and seemed very happy and amused. He laughed out loud at something he'd said, or Tenzin unenthusiastically had answered. They came to a halt when they reached the group and no one moved, or laughed or greeted Bumi. He fell dead silent and searched his relatives and soon-to-be-friends with confused eyes. His eyes fell upon Lin, that looked a little broken, something that was very uncharacteristic for her, and so did Tenzin. When it dawned upon him, he gasped too, just like his wife had done and said with a dreadfully expression on his face:

"I'm so, so sorry Lin."

Bumi looked up at his younger brother, more confused than ever.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second folks'! What did I miss?"

What Bumi said made Tenzin snap and he became tomato-red. He turned towards his brother and snarled:

"Are you serious?! Lin just lost her bending!"

Bumi gaped of surprise for a second and then shot a glance at Lin, telling her that he too, was sorry and completely understood what she felt. Lin felt sick. He had no idea what it felt like to lose his bending just because he never had that ability in the first place. But, Bumi was Bumi, and so he reacted to Tenzin's snarl, defensive.

"Whoa there, little bro' don't get all Avatar State-angry on me. How could I've known!?"

Tenzin sighed and pinched his nose between his eyes with two long, slender fingers.

"No, you couldn't. And I apologize for being rude. It's been rough these past couple of weeks."

Bumi, light hearted, optimistic, and easily forgiving, just shrugged his shoulders.

"No need to worry junior. I'm not offended."

Tenzin looked as if he wanted to slap his older brother because of the nickname but restrained himself back into his usual calm and serious disposure. He didn't want to fight with his brother, they were grown men.

"May I suggest that we leave for the South Pole right away? If we do we'll be there in time for a late dinner."

Everyone relaxed a little and agreed. The kids bounced up and down with excitement and claimed how nice and fun it would be too meet their Grandmother. When people started to make their way up to the Bison stables, Lin got a few claps on the shoulder that made her invisibly wince in pain, words that were meant for comfort and a bonecrushing hug from Bumi, delivered with a cheesy pickup line.

"Let me go Bumi." she groaned into his red shirt, without hugging him back. He just laughed and released her.

"You haven't changed at all, Linny."

"Don't call me Linny, Bumi! For Spirit's sake!" she called after him as he ran after the others.

She was just about to walk after the group when Tenzin coughed and cleared his throat behind her. She jumped a little; she'd forgotten he was still there. She turned around and faced him. He was nervous, she could tell. The air around him slightly stirred, his cheeks were rosy and he clenched and unclenched his hands nervously. She crossed her arms over her chest and jutted her chin out, waiting for what he was about to say. She heaved an annoyed sigh when nothing came out. Tenzin got himself together.

"I just wanted to thank you. For everything that you've done for my family, and therefore for me."

"It was the right thing to do."

_Crap! Did I actually just say that? Geez'. I really do sound like a pissed off, ex-girlfriend. Well, at least it was the truth. Kind off._

Tenzin looked bewildered for a moment, and it also looked like he had something more wanted to say, but it remained in his head instead of leaving his mouth. Lin just nodded and turned her back to him, starting to make her way towards the Skybisons.

* * *

She was sitting on a bench, hunched over, her elbows resting on her knees in a crowded room. Everyone was there. Tenzin, the kids, Pema, Mako, Bolin, Asami, herself and Korra's parents. Bumi was out doing something. Korra was inside another room with Katara. Lin felt numb. Not just numb, but an empty, sorrow-numb. Something was eating away and clawing inside her chest. Her back and shoulders burned under the metal that become a prison since she couldn't get it off and she had concealed her limping (because of her bruised knee) after the long trip to the South Pole, for hours. Her thoughts felt vague and fuzzy, and sometimes her eyesight disappeared and it felt like she was about to faint. A headache pounded mercilessly in her temples. When she heard the sliding doors open her head shot up and Katara walked into the room with a disappointed look on her face.

"I tried everything in my power but, I cannot restore Korra's bending."

"But you're the best healer in the world! You have to keep trying!"

She couldn't stop herself. The words were out there, and with them her pain that she hadn't had time to try and hide. Katara looked up at her.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing else I can do. Korra can still airbend, but her connection to the other elements has been severed."

Lin's stomach dropped to her feet. She had hoped, against her better judgment, that Katara would have been able to heal her. _So not it's all over for me. I really do have nothing left. _Korra came out of the room, seeming like she hadn't really processed the information yet.

"It's going to be alright Korra." Tenzin says.

"No... It's not."

Korra grabs her jacket and walks outside, and Mako follows her. Everyone is preoccupied in their own minds when a sharp, intense pain hits Lin in her left temple. She tense and gasps for air as her vision becomes black. She feels herself falling when her knees buckle from right under her, all strength gone. Everything turns black and disappears when she hits the floor.

* * *

**Author's note: **I don't know how long it will take until I publish PART 2 (!), so meanwhile I'm demanding (read: begging) you guys to review! And don't forget to mention your favorite Linzin-fics!


	7. Injured

**Author's note: **Hey there! Here is part two! Just to give you a heads up: Rating _M!_ That means thar be smut, not hardcore smut, but still smut. I think its absolutley hideous in every way possible, but it's up to you guys to decide I guess. I also wanted to say that I've had a lot of influence from other fanfics that I've read on this chapter, you may recognize a thing or two. Ugh, I'm not satisfied with this at all, but I'm never pleased with my own stuff, so what the hell.

I imagine that inbetween Katara's healing session with Korra, and Korra meeting with Aang and getting her bending restored, like one or two days pass? Or this chapter wouldn't have worked. Sorry if there are some spelling mistakes.

_I do not own these characters, AtLA or LoK!_

* * *

When the darkness had engulfed her, Lin felt safe. She felt safe and there wasn't any pain. No sorrow, no lost bending, no loneliness and no her disappointing everyone. It was quiet, peaceful. She tried to enjoy it while it lasted, because she knew it wouldn't be for very long. In the back of her mind something already called for her. _No… I don't want to go back there, leave me alone! _She screwed her eyes shut harder, trying to escape back to her numb existence, but now she heard the voice clear, and she knew that the person it belonged to knew she was awake.

"Lin? Lin honey? How are you feeling?"

_Katara_. Lin groaned and turned over with stiff limbs, burying her face in the pillow like a child. She noticed that there wasn't any metal that stopped her from doing so, and realized that she wore a pajama.

"Lin, please stop behaving like a child."

Lin sighed into her pillow and turned around a little, glancing over her shoulder to look at the old woman that was sitting next to her on a chair. Katara had a caring, worried look in her eyes. Lin most certainly could expect a lecture, so she sighed heavily again and sat up. It didn't matter that she was 50 years old; Katara scolded everyone if the need should arise. Lin leaned back on her pillows against the bedframe, trying to get rid of the tangles in her long, grey hair.

"Lin, why didn't you tell anyone you were injured? Your left knee is severely bruised, I almost had a heartattack when I saw your back and your shoulders, _and _you have aslight concussion."

"I didn't know it was that bad." She said and concentrated on hair, trying to avoid meeting Katara's gaze, but she could see the woman glaring at her from the corner of her eye.

"It's true! And besides, I wasn't priority number one, Korra was." She also added: "No one cares about me anyway." Muttering under her breath, but Katara heard her and looked at Lin with a new revelation in her eyes. _Damn it! I can't hide anything from her, can I?_

"Oh Lin!"

Katara launched forward and hugged Lin tight.

"Of course we care, we all care! You're family!"

When Lin didn't reply, Katara said:

"Tenzin cares too, Lin. He's never stopped. He still calls me, worried to death, whenever he finds out that you've gotten injured."

Lin's gut wrenched at the woman's words. Tenzin still cared? She pulled back from Katara's arms and pulled her legs up under the blanket, wrapping her arms around them and rested her chin on her knees, feeling little again. There wasn't any point in trying to be hard in front of her almost second mother.

"So." Katara stated. "How are you?"

Lin let out a bitter laugh, sighed and shook her head with a sad smile on her lips.

"I'm just terrific, actually. I'm no longer Chief of Police." That earned her a surprised look from Katara. "I've lost my bending. My mother is dead, I've lived alone for 20 years, and will so do until the day I die. I've failed myself, my mother and my city."

She'd tried to stop the tears from rolling down her face, but Katara saw right through her, and so she let them fall freely. She cried in silence, making no sound and just stared at the wall in front of her. Katara took Lin's left hand and held it in both hers; stroking one comforting thumb back and forth over Lin's scarred skin.

"Your mother would have been proud over you, Lin. You haven't failed."

With the tears wetting her cheeks she answered in an upset, slightly higher voice:

"Katara, I failed! You don't understand… Can you…" Sniff. "Can I just be alone for a while?"

She pulled her hand back and dried her runny nose with the sleeve. Katara looked heartbroken, but nodded and left the room. Lin let out a breath of relief and dried her tears. She curled up under the blanket and closed her eyes. She was tired.

* * *

When she woke up, her room was empty, and she could see her armor in a heap in the corner. It looked like it had been pried off with a crowbar. It was in shreds. _Good. I don't ever want to put it on again._ On the chair Katara had been sitting on, a set of clothes was neatly folded. Lin looked out the window and figured it was late afternoon, a light snowfall hid the spectacular view she knew was out there. She was stiff and sore in her back and shoulders, but otherwise she was fine. Her body felt relaxed and her head was clear. She got up from the bed, slowly, to avoid getting dizzy, and put on the clothes someone had left on the chair. It was the brown cargopants and white tank top that she used to wear under her uniform, but someone had washed them. A black cardigan and warm skin boots with fur inside was with them. She put it all on and braced herself before leaving her room. She took a left turn in the corridor, making her way towards the dining room where dinner seemed to have been served. It smelled amazing and her stomach growled. How long had it been since her last meal? When she came in, everyone looked up from their food and stopped talking, not that anyone had been talking a lot. A dreary air filled the room; no one was very intent on conversations about cheerful stuff. Even Ikki and Meelo seemed a little down; they kept quiet to Lin's relief.

"It's nice to see you up Lin." Katara said. "Would you like some dinner?"

"Yes, thank you." Lin walked around the table, passing Korra, Mako, Asami and Bolin to the only empty seat. She sat down next to the young earthbender. On the other side of the table was Tenzin, the children, Pema, Bumi and Katara. Bumi had a mischievous smirk on his face, and wiggled his eyebrows at Lin when she raised them in question. He cleared his throat.

"Alright people! I officially declare this dinner dead-boring. That's why I brought something to make it a little bit more fun!"

Everyone looked around at each other, trying to figure out what Bumi meant. Tenzin had become stiff, wondering what mischief his older brother had decided to operate this time. Lin had her suspicions, and was, spirit's forbid it would ever leave her head, grateful. Her suspicion proved to be right when Bumi fished up three big bottles of a clear liquid from under the table. Tenzin, who had just took a sip on his tea, spat it out all over his food, furious. Katara just shook her head at her eldest son, Team Avatar looked curious and Lin's corners of her mouth twitched in amusement.

"Bumi! What on earth, there are children here!" Tenzin shrieked.

"Pema, it's getting late, don't you think? Maybe the children would like to go to bed?" Katara offered.

"Uhm, yes. Come along kids, listen to Gran-Gran." Pema said and hushed the children out of the room.

They groaned in disappointment. Korra was surprisingly, next to speak up.

"Can we taste it too Bumi?"

"THAT IS OUT OF THE QUESTION! GO TO BED, ALL OF YOU!"

Tenzin was very upset and shot daggers at Bumi, but Bumi just smiled. He was in his right element.

"Now, now, Ten-ten. They're old enough. Uncle Sokka was much younger when he drank cactus juice for the first time." He joked.

Tenzin looked like he was about to strangle his brother when Pema came back in. She walked up to her husband and put a hand on his chest.

"Please, calm down dear. I'm sure they'll be responsible if they get a bottle. They've had a rough time too, they need to have some fun." Pema said and glared at the teenagers. They all nodded in excitement. Tenzin groaned loudly and gave up. Meanwhile Lin had gotten some food in her system and was fed up. Katara started to take the dishes away.

"Let me help you with that!" Pema eagerly said and left with Katara, arms full of dirty plates.

Lin decided it was her time to leave, so she stood up and walked over to Bumi. Her heart was beating fast against her ribs because of what she was about to do. She hadn't done it in 15 years. When she came close and stood above him he looked up at her, wondering what she was up to.

"Can I have one?" Lin said and pointed at a bottle. She had tried to sound a little seductive and flirty, but felt like she had failed immensely. She felt absolutely ridiculous, but Bumi didn't seem to notice.

"Of course, Chief." He handed her one.

She accepted it and walked past Tenzin, not saying anything. When she reached the end of the room, Tenzin called after her.

"Since when do you drink Lin?"

She didn't bother answering him.

* * *

Lin had left the building and walked outside, wandering around in the now dark yard. She took a deep sip from the bottle from time to time and the content slowly disappeared. She was a little unsteady on her feet when she came across the Bison stable. By then, even if she had a warm coat on her, she was freezing and trembling, her teeth rattling against each other. She pulled the heavy door open and walked inside. Two bisons, Oogi and another one, was sleeping inside on a thick layer of straw. It was warm inside there, so she decided to finish her bottle, away from prying eyes. She wanted to cry in peace. She shut the door behind her and placed herself a few feet away from the sleeping giants. She sat down against a pole that supported the roof and made herself comfortable. She took a long draft from the sake and the liquid made its way down her throat and ended in her stomach. It was good stuff. It burned and was so strong Lin's eyes teared. It spread through her body and warmed her nicely. Lin had of course been drunk when she was young, but never with Tenzin. He took his lifestyle as a monk very seriously, except for when it came to Lin, perhaps. She missed waking up next to him and making love before going to work. She didn't drink when they lived together because she didn't have a reason to do it, Tenzin was always there to comfort and support her when her days on the station had been rough. When he left, it was easy to drown her pain while at work, but not when she was home alone. She wasn't an alcoholic, far from it, but she had gone to work with a hangover a few times the last 20 years. Her officers never say anything, but they could tell because those mornings she was extra grumpy and easily annoyed.

She was interrupted in her thoughts when a tall man full of snow opened the door and came inside. Lin suspected it was past midnight and briefly wondered what anyone would be doing out here at this time of night. When the man pulled his hood down, she noticed the goatee and the blue arrow immediately. What was he doing out here? Why could she never just be left alone? Tenzin noticed Lin too and walked up to her, airbending the snow away from his cloak. He stopped when he stood right in front of her, clenching his hands behind his back.

"Lin. What are you doing out here?" he said in his official voice.

"I might as well ask you the same thing, airhead." Lin had the sake in her system, so the old nickname had slipped out without her being able to stop it.

Tenzin sighed.

"May I?" he gestured to the spot beside her.

She shrugged of pretended indifference. The truth was, she had just remembered what Katara had told her. '_Tenzin cares too, Lin. He's never stopped'_. She didn't want to believe it, didn't want to let this man into her heart more than he already was. Her heart beat angrily against her chest. She could only blame the sake and cursed under her breath that she'd started drinking. It clearly clouded her judgment and thoughts. Tenzin sat down beside her and looked at the bottle in her hands.

"What does it feel like?" he asked her.

She raised her eyebrows in question, wondering what was going on in his bald head.

"To drink, I mean." He explained.

"Oh." She hadn't been expecting that one. "It eases the pain. The loneliness_, _the emptiness,the guilt._" A little, but not nearly enough._ Why was she telling him this?

"Can I try it?"

At this Lin laughed out loud and nearly dropped the bottle.

"Do I have to remind you that you're a monk! You're not supposed to be drinking!"

"I'm not supposed to do this either."

And then Lin could feel Tenzin's warm lips lightly brush against hers. She'd closed her eyes the moment of the contact and her heart jumped up in her throat. It beat furiously and she could feel her pulse in her entire body. Her lips burned and her hands trembled. Tenzin pulled back a centimeter, heavily breathing the same, warm air that Lin did.

"Tenzin…" she whispered.

She didn't know if it was the pain, or the recent loss of everything, her lonely heart, the sake or her instincts; but she slowly leaned in and kissed him. This time Tenzin didn't pull back, and neither did Lin. She dropped the bottle and turned a little, placing one hand on Tenzin's shoulder to pull him closer and the other one behind his neck. His hands snaked around her waist and pulled her over him so that she was sitting across his lap. The kiss became more intense and Lin could feel heat starting to spread downwards from her stomach when Tenzin's tongue slipped inside her mouth and started to fight with hers. Lin moaned into his mouth and a shiver shot up her spine when she could feel something stiff brush against her thigh. She furiously kissed back, fueled by the contact and drowning in the sensation of his lips against hers. With one hand on her hip Tenzin buried the other in her long, silk hair and locked her lips to his, while she started clawing at his robes, trying to find his chest somewhere inside the fabric. When she did she broke the kiss and pulled the garment over his head, leaving his chest bare. He attacked her mouth once again, and she had one hand on his neck while the other one trailed downward, feeling his well-muscled stomach. She felt Tenzin shiver, and she gasped when his hands found their way in under her tank top and started caress her own well taut torso. They were all heat and lips and tongues, passion making the warm air thick and hard to breathe. They were both enchanted with their long lost love and 20 years of held back lust. Lin felt so unbelievably alive, adrenaline and warmth living their own lives in her body. She had unconsciously started to grind against Tenzin's stiffness when he'd cupped her breasts over her bindings, and it was her turn to drown his moans with her mouth. Feeling the friction she could barely restrain herself. Soon she released her lips from his, gasping for air while she pulled her coat off, and then her top. Tenzin froze for a second, taking her curves in, that hadn't changed much the last 20 years, before attacking her with his mouth and hands again. When they slammed into each other Tenzin grabbed her waist and rolled around so that he was on top. Apparently he remembered how much Lin loved not being in control in the bedroom.

They operated like a well-oiled machine. No one who saw them could have believed that they hadn't been together for nearly two decades. Lin was impatient like always, but this time Tenzin was too, so it didn't take long before Tenzin's hand slipped inside Lin's pants to find the place he was looking for. When he started to stroke her over her warmth he could feel the shivers rolling up her spine. In return Lin reached up to kiss and bite at his neck while his fingers pushed the fabric away and boldly let one finger slip inside of Lin's wet heat.

"Ah… Tenzin!"

Lin's head fell back against the straw and he watched closely as she closed her eyes and bit her lip in pleasure as slowly moved his finger in and out of her, before adding another one. She squirmed under his other hand that held her down and gasped for air as he continued to work with his fingers and teasing her clit. When it became impossible for Tenzin to continue with his administrations, because of his now painfully pounding erection, he pulled his fingers back and dove in for a deep, breathtaking kiss. Lin refused to break the dance of their lips as she tugged at his pants. When she finally got them down and his erection broke free she grabbed it and Tenzin's breath hitched at the sensation of her slender fingers against his sensitive skin. Her handiwork was executed perfectly, as always, and it almost pained him that they knew each other's bodies so well. He reached down and moved her hand away before it became too much for him and leaned in to kiss her as he pushed her pants and undergarments away, including her bindings. She now laid free before him and he gulps at the sight of her. She was breathing hard, enough to make him crazy without doing anything else, her curves somehow more beautiful than ever, her scars glowing pink beside the unmarred pale porcelain skin, her long, wavy silver hair floated free around her, her abused, swollen lips, rosy cheeks and glittering eyes. He didn't understand or remember how he could ever have left this woman. The woman that was as hard and unbreakable as stone, that was a soldier who fought for what she believed was right, that was so painfully brave, intelligent, caring, bossy, funny, beautiful and protective. On top on all of this they'd known each other since they were born. All of this rushed through his mind in a matter of seconds before both his need to fill her and Lin's need to be filled overpowered them and sent Tenzin burying himself inside Lin's tight heat. The feeling rose in both of their chests and Lin weakly circled her arms around Tenzin's shoulders, digging her nails in them for support as she rested her head in the crook of his neck, just gasping, occasionally whispering his name and kissing his neck as he mercilessly pounded into her, without any sort of control. He held her with both arms around her back, hard, and grunted of satisfaction when he could feel her nails clawing at his shoulders. Even if they both tried to hold it back it soon became too much. When Tenzin released one hand and used it to lift Lin's upper back a little higher, he reached that spot were Lin always used to crack. They reached their peaks in almost perfect synchronization and Lin tried to moan out loud but Tenzin captured her mouth with his, forcing her to make some sort of sound into his mouth instead, while on the same time desperately trying to kiss him back. He rolled his hips a few more times, prolonging both his and her orgasm and felt forceful shivers roll up Lin's spine and down her legs that she had locked around him to keep him in place. When he stopped and exited, he collapsed on top of her, covering her body with his and rested his head on her shoulder, breathing into her neck, as she placed a hand on top of his head. Lin felt star-strucked, the little she saw in the darkness danced before her eyes and her head pounded in the same pace as her heart. Her mind was in a euphoric state but on the same time there was a nagging voice in the back of her head whispering '_This is wrong.' _She pushed it back as far as she could; she just wanted to stay in the bliss and feel Tenzin hold her and warm her a little bit longer. It all felt like a dream, really. Tenzin's beard tickled her neck and his breathing gave her goosebumps.

"I love you Lin." He affectionately whispered into her ear.

_This is wrong; it's not supposed to be like this. _The voice broke through her pink, fluffy state of mind. Maybe it was the sake's effect that was starting to wear off. _Maybe he still loves you, but you could never be together. He has a wife that he loves and four children, he'll never leave them for you. He can't be unfaithful to Pema and besides, the guilt would eat you alive eventually, you need to leave. You need to leave now! _Lin suddenly felt cold. It was true, what the voice was saying. This was a mistake. No matter how much they loved each other, it was wrong. It was so wrong, on so many levels. Tenzin looked up at her, noticing that she'd tensed and stopped reacting to the loving kisses he'd placed on her neck. The sad look on her face made him terrified.

"What's wrong Lin?"

Lin sighed and smiled a tiny, sad smile, looking into his eyes and placing a tender hand on his cheek. She looked into his grey eyes and saw the truth. He really did love her, and that he was worried and scarred because of the look in hers.

"I love you too." Relief replaced the fear, and it broke her heart. "But we can't do this, Tenzin. It's wrong. We're not the same anymore, it would never work, everything's changed! You have a wife, you have children."

"I don't care Lin! I love you! We'll make it work, I promise! I'm never letting you go again!" She opened her mouth to protest but he stopped her.

"Don't try to deny it Lin!"

"Tenzin! We _can't! _The guilt would kill me one day! What if anyone found out!? Spirit's!"

Lin pushed Tenzin off of her, grabbing her clothes that had been thrown everywhere. She started to get dressed. She felt a panic attack nearing; she'd had one or two of those many, many years ago. It wasn't pleasant, and the last thing she wanted was Tenzin seeing it. He'd started to get dressed too, suddenly aware of his nakedness in front of the now awake Skybisons. Lin was just about to run out the door when Tenzin caught up with her.

"Lin." She stopped and looked back at him when she heard his voice. The heartbroken look in his eyes made Lin's eyes flow over with tears and they fell down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Tenzin." She whispered and walked out in the empty night, soul crushed and her heart in a thousand pieces, again.

* * *

She'd somehow made her way back to the room she was staying in and crawled into bed because when she woke up, she could smell something delicious that was waiting for her in the dining room, but then she remembered what had happened a couple of hours earlier. She felt... No, there wasn't any words for how broken she was. Her heart ached and yearned after Tenzin, she could still feel his lips against hers and smell him on her skin. Her completely relaxed body was a painful reminder of what hormones had been released in the night, on a bed of straw. She couldn't sit in front of him, eating breakfast with all the others, she just couldn't. And she probably looked like a disheveled mess. She had a hangover, a destroyed heart, no job and no bending. What a great way to start a new day. She got up from the bed and put her boots on, not caring to change her top or her pants, they weren't dirty. She placed herself in front of the small mirror and pinned her hair, she'd found some in the pocket of her pants. She put her coat on a left her room. When she walked past the dining room Katara called after her.

"Lin! Where are you going? It's breakfast!"

"I'm not hungry!" She yelled back and went outside. She stopped and stood still for a while on the porch, breathing the chilly air and feeling the warm sun on her face. Everything around her was white and right in front of her she could see the ocean. Despite her mood she enjoyed the silence, the nature and started walking. She didn't stop until she reached the edge and leaned forward a little. She was staring down on the blue water. She briefly wondered how long she would be falling before she hit the surface. She sat down, right there, letting her long legs dangle of the edge. And then she let her tears fall. They were the loud, ugly, choked ones and she sobbed, coughed and cried and just couldn't stop. Her heart was beating in overdrive, her body trembled and she felt a black, solid mass starting to eat its way through the back of her mind. How easy wouldn't it be to just take an extra step and be reunited with her mother again? Uncle Sokka would be there, Aang would be there and there wouldn't be any pain anymore. She could spend all day, everyday sparring with her mother and Aang while Sokka watched and made jokes and told stories about the group's adventures. How easy…

"Beifong!"

A voice yelled at her and Lin turned her head. A young woman with dark hair and blue clothing was running towards her. When she got close enough Lin could see it was Korra. The girl had transformed. She was smiling a wide smile and her eyes gleamed with excitement.

"We've been looking for you for hours!" she said and stopped to catch her breath.

"I've been out here for hours?" Lin said, a little surprised.

"Yes!" she answered, but then she shook her head. "But that's not the point! I came here to tell you that I can restore your bending!"

Bam. Lin just gaped at the Avatar. She would have been less surprised if she'd been hit by lightning. Korra could restore her bending? _But… how? _Korra must have seen the doubt on her face because she just laughed and started tugging at Lin's arm.

"Come on, everyone's waiting!"

* * *

She almost couldn't believe it, but yes, she could feel the tiny vibrations in her feet. She could hear the earth sing its quiet song. She raised her arms over her head, lifting all of the huge rocks up in the air. She held them there for a few seconds, marveling in the feeling. She lowered her arms and the stones fell back down. She opened her eyes.

"Thank you." she said to Korra, who was standing next to her with a satisfied look. She put so much feeling she could into it without starting to cry, because she really meant it. With her bending back, perhaps she could go back to Republic City and get a job as an officer. Maybe even get her position as chief back, since Saikhan had been criticized a lot during the war. He was a good officer, but weren't made for being boss.

Tenzin walked up the stairs.

"I'm so proud of you, Avatar Korra."

* * *

**Author's note: **I'M SORRY THIS IS A CRAPPY CHAPTER! *crying* Just tell me how I did... Please?


	8. Author's note

**Author's note: **Hey guys, thanks for your reviews! It helps me a lot. Since I've had quite intense updating this week my brain is tired and out of ideas, so I decided to share my favorite Linzin (and some Linumi) stories with you! These are all amazing stories that I absolutley love! Enjoy!

* * *

What We Have Been Forbidden by phantominkgecko

The End by Singofsolace

Double Trouble by mrschanandlerbong

Tough as Nails by dove1593

The Story of Earth & Air by Amira Elizabeth

Lips of an Angel by justcallmehermione

Linzin HeadCanons by musical-fi

Heavy Petting by LokFan1997

Never Too Late by LokFan1997

Everything That's Lost by AJedistuckintheMatrix

Family Dinner by Oh Dee

Godmother by RavenAbyss

A Question of Love by The Waerloga

The Better Life by pandamochi123

A Very Legend of Korra New Year by nycmb

Oh, My Baby! By Oh Dee

I Never Wanted You To Find Out by t3ars0fglass

The Mistress by issa91

Return to Neverland by LovelyFarron

Just Like Old Times by TheKarin

Legend of Lin by Leia Rayn Storm

Might Have Missed by satomobile

Blasted Uniform by MarblesG

Convergence by lawless

Of Earth And Air by Coilerfan35

What Can I Do Now? By phantominkgecko

Circles by The Cleric

Secrets by ga-mei

Diving for Hearts by aparigis

Last Rays of Light by roca dos


	9. Saved

**Author's note: **Hello hello my fellow Linzin-shippers! Sorry for the long wait. I've had a writer's block! This chapter is a follow-up to "Captured" and "Injured". It's very Lin-centric. No smut. Enjoy! (**PLEASE** R&R!)

_I do not own these characters, LoK or AtLA!_

* * *

After unlocking the door with her metalbending, Lin took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, and carelessly jerked the handle of the door. It slid open, well-oiled, and she took a step inside, closing it with a loud bang behind her. Standing still in the hallway, she concentrated on breathing and forcing back the burning tears that threatened to overwhelm her eyes. She bit her lower lip hard, trying to stop her feelings from spilling out of her, but a breathless sob managed to escape. She had been crying more the past few weeks than she had done for the last 15 years, and she was sick and tired of it, but she couldn't seem to stop them. She was too broken, too tired.

Feeling her legs tingle uncomfortably, they buckled underneath her and she fell down, gasping for air as the tears poured down her cheeks when she caught herself with her hands. She rested and supported her body on her palms and her knees, on the rough hallway rug, shaking and trembling with emotion. Her heart pounded against its rib cage and wreaked havoc, causing her to mercilessly sit straight up against the wall behind her, hiding beneath her coats that were neatly hanging on the hat stand. _Spirits! I need to get myself together. _With the tears still pouring down her cheeks, she tried to dry them away with shaky, cold hands. Resting her head on the wall behind her, she just sat there while her heart burned painfully in her chest and her stomach wrenched itself as her thoughts whirled around in complete and utter chaos. The regret, the guilt, her self-hatred and her disgusted feelings choked her, had a tight grip in her lungs, but her broken heart was far worse. How could it happened? She must be caught in a nightmare of only imaginative magnitude.

"Why?" she whispered to herself, wrapping her arms around her knees, trying to kill the nervous trembling in her arms. She frantically tried to find something to cling to, something stable, like the earth, that could ease her torment, but found none; her floor was made of wood.

_It wasn't my fault. _She released a small, bitter laugh that echoed against her hallway walls. Of course she knew she was just as guilty, but he was a tiny bit more, if she were being selfish. Which she was. She had to, in this moment, unless she wanted to suffer a complete breakdown. _He_ kissed _her_, not the other way around. '_But you kissed him back' _a voice kept insisting in the back of her mind. _Shut up!_ _I was drunk! I didn't know what I was doing, I had no control whatsoever! _He _kissed _me_! Don't you dare blaming this on me! _Chasing the voice away with her angry thoughts, her body protested; sitting on the floor with her bust and sharp-edged uniform on was very uncomfortable, so she forced herself up, swaying a little before bending of her boots that fell apart immediately at her unwavering command. She knew she couldn't ignore what had happened between her and Tenzin forever, they were both big parts of Republic City, running into each other from time to time on business, but for now she needed to get things done, and shoved it aside.

How long had it been since she slept in her own bed? Shaking her head, deciding not to count the days, and by doing so, avoiding the events, she stepped out of her boots and walked into the kitchen. Everything was exactly as she had left it. It calmed her a little, and she continued into her bedroom. The afternoon sunlight lit up the room in a nice, yellow light, warming her battered face. Her bed was unmade, like always, her books collecting dust on her bedside table and her bathroom door was open. She felt _safe _to be home. So much had happened in such a short period of time, she believed that sleeping anywhere else than in her own bed for one more night, would have killed her. She hadn't been sleeping anywhere but in her own bed, or in her office, for years, so naturally, she missed it.

Making up a plan for the rest of her evening, that included a bath, tea and perhaps a book if she wasn't too tired, she started with bending her disheveled, destroyed armor off first. She dumped it beside her closet on the floor and strode into the bathroom, cracking her stiff neck. _I'll deal with it after I get myself cleaned up._

* * *

After her bath, Lin dressed in sweats and a white tank top, making herself a cup of jasmine tea. While the water was on the stove, she jumped up, sitting at the counter, gazing out of the small window that was placed above the sink. The sun had disappeared and Republic City had been lowered into darkness. Stars far, far away twinkled and lit up the sky. Lin knew, but couldn't see them. The streetlights and the thick cover of dark clouds hid them from her. With a sense of nostalgia she remembered camping with Toph outsideRepublic City back when she was young. It happened rarely, because of her mother's busy profession, but she cherished those few moments a lot. She was startled out of her memories when the kettle called for her, announcing that the water was ready.

Sliding off the counter, she poured some water into a cup and put in the tealeaves. She inhaled the steam with a contented sigh and let the aroma from the jasmine tickle her emotional center. Before Amon and the Equalists, she rarely allowed her emotions to flow free inside of her, but with everything that had happened; her control had been grinded to dust. _I better start picking up the pieces, if I'm going to get my job as chief back. I can't let my… Feelings, run haywire. It's time to go back to how things used to be. _But could she? Once again her heart had been torn into small chunks of flesh. No, threads. It was going to take time for her to knit it up into an acceptable mechanism of the mere purpose of pumping her blood. _I need to get back to work. It's helped me before, and will do so again. _But what was she going to do if she ran into Tenzin? If he sought her out? Her thoughts had her guilt and disgust crawl around in the pit of her stomach again. She doubted she would meet Pema in the near future; that would give her time to process and come up with some sort of apology. _Not that an apology can forgive what I've done, but it's better than nothing, or not knowing. _A slight feeling of relief entered upon making this decision. She needed to apologize, for her own sake, but also for Pema's. Despite her loving Tenzin, she was furious at him for cutting up old wounds; he deserved Pema's wrath.

Raising the cup and sipping on the hot liquid, trying not to burn her tongue in the process; Lin felt a tired feeling settle deep within her bones. She was exhausted. She had been on the back of a skybison the majority of the day. She had refused to ride on Oogi, that Tenzin maneuvered, and had therefore spent the hours flying trying to shut out Team Avatars brain-dead clatter and Korra's airbending tricks. They reminded her too much of a young Tenzin, and that was the last thing she wanted to think about.

Finishing her tea, Lin put the cup down in the sink and turned the lights off. _Tomorrow I'll get up early, have my training session and then go to the office. The council can't be happy with Saikhan, and he _is _not cut out for the job the way I am._ Wandering into her bedroom and collapsing on the bed, she felt as content and relaxed as she could be, with the circumstances in mind. She got herself under the blankets soon enough, peeling of her sweats on the way. Comfortable, she fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

When Lin woke up, she stayed in bed for a while, going through her plans for the day. Her bedroom window faced west so she didn't know if the sun was going up or not, but the sky was blue. When she felt that it was time to get up, she had been laying there for almost half an hour. She decided that she would do her usual morning routine; she washed her face with cold water in the bathroom, brushed and pinned her hair, dressed in brown cargo pants, a black long sleeve sweater, her metal boots and her coat, before heading out of the door.

Walking down the stairs, she didn't meet anyone she would have to greet and explain her absence to, but when she came out the front door, down on the street, people were already on their way to work. Lin lived on a small street compared to the larger avenues further into the city, but Republic City buzzed with activity, happy and relieved that Amon was gone and the last Equalists were being hunt down. Lin would have preferred walking on the streets totally alone, she wasn't in the mood to run into familiar faces, but that rarely happened. It was a little chilly in the air so she put her hands in her pockets and started walking towards the Metalbending Academy. Before, when she was chief of police, she held some advanced classes there from time to time, being the best earthbender in the city, and she believed she still had the privilege to use one of the gyms and that her locker hadn't been cleaned out.

Passing by endless amount of people and working her way further in to the city's center, some recognized her but left her alone. When she was halfway to the academy she stopped at a teashop and went inside to buy breakfast. She didn't like to eat in the morning, usually she skipped it, except for a strong coffee, but today she had too; she had a nagging feeling that there wouldn't be any other meal for her until dinner.

She paid and took it with her in a paper bag, sipping on the hot coffee while walking. When she reached the academy she had finished her drink but stopped before entering, looking down at the paper bag in her hands, not feeling the lust to eat at all. There was a reason she was a 50 year old with an amazing figure. On the right side of the big double doors there was a trashcan and she pushed her breakfast down in it. When she walked inside the great doors and came into the huge lobby which roof was supported by vaults made of white marble, it was empty. Only a young woman with glasses sat at the reception, looking bored. It suited Lin very well – she wasn't in the mood for sharing a gym either. When she got closer the woman noticed her, shutting the book she'd been hiding and sat up straight, properly, in the chair.

"Good morning! What can I do for you?" she said in a cheery voice, trying to hide that she was irritated she'd been interrupted while reading her book.

Lin had to resist the urge to roll her eyes annoyingly. _A rookie, perfect. _

"I want a gym, and I also want to know if my locker has been emptied."

"Your name, Mrs…?" she asked, looking innocent.

Lin's annoyance churned. She'd been gone for, what? Barely three weeks and people already forgot who she was? She just looked down at the woman, lifting an eyebrow and stared at her intently, waiting for the woman to make the connection and see who she was. It took quite some time, but when she finally realized it, she blushed and apologized, stammering nervously on the words, but left the desk to guide Lin into a gym. They walked left at the end of the great hall and proceeded into a corridor with several doors on each side of the aisle. Lin was given one of the larger rooms, in the middle, and she shut the door behind her. The room was almost an acre big, with a high roof and a floor made entirely of very bendable stone. In the right corner metal was piled up, for those who were able to bend it. Lin took her coat off and bended her boots, stepping out of them. Her hair was already pinned so she rolled her black sleeves up and tugged at her pants until they were over her knees. She was barefoot and closed her eyes, calmly breathing through her nose. It was quiet, except for her breaths, and she felt the earth beneath her with her seismic sense. Even though no vibrations made contact with her, she could _hear _the earth and feel it in her entire being. She had bended the rocks on the South Pole, yes, but she hadn't really felt this much earth around her since she lost her bending on Air Temple Island. A small smile tugged at her lips and a warm feeling spread in her chest. Happiness. Relief.

* * *

Lin spent almost two hours in the gym, bending both earth and metal. When she shut the door behind her, finally content, with her boots on her feet and her coat in her left hand, she was in desperate need of her locker and a shower, but when she reached the reception, a man was there, and the woman was nowhere to be seen. Coming up from behind he hadn't heard her and jumped when she called for his attention. He spun around and she instantly recognized him as one of the youngest men she had recruited on trial right before her absence. He was talented, she could always tell, but very green. He was, however, too good to stay in the academy for another year, so she had let him hang around on a trial period, to see if he was ready to leave the academy early. He was tall, well-muscled, with black hair and brown eyes.

"Chief Beifong!" he exclaimed, a little surprised. His eyes were bulging out of the sight of her and gaped in disbelief. He'd probably never seen her without armor, and even if her hair was in a mess and she was sweaty and dirty, she looked good. The uniform, even if she was one of few who could wear it with some grace, spine straight and proud, it hid a lot compared to being without it. She was used to it, men staring, but didn't enjoy it, especially not when working. They needed to concentrate on their duty, not taking in her curves.

"Song shut your mouth." She answered sternly and his jaws clenched with a loud sound as he caught himself. She continued.

"Are you working here?"

He looked down on the floor, suddenly even shyer. He clenched his hands behind his back.

"Yes. When you turned in your resignation and Saikhan took over he sacked everyone on trial. He said he didn't have the time or the resources for us, so now I'm back here at the academy."

The last he said with a grimace and Lin understood him completely. All the students shared on shifts at the reception on the weekends if they didn't have the money to pay the entire education at once. Lin had done it herself when she was young. Her grandmother and grandfather had been rich, but Toph was not, they didn't leave anything of their fortune to their daughter, despite her achievements in life. Toph had shrugged it off, and besides, she had wanted to teach Lin that she had to work for what she wanted. Lin gritted her teeth at what Song had said. Saikhan was not a bad person, he was a good officer, but he didn't know how to juggle an entire police force. Lin hated her desk job she was stuck with most of the time, but she had learned it the hard way and knew how to handle the Council and the budget.

"Let me see what I can do about it." She told him. His face lit up in an overjoyed smile and he started thanking her hysterically. She just waved it off without saying anything and turned her back to him, heading towards the right corridor that inhabited the locker rooms and showers.

* * *

Lin had found her locker just as she left it a couple of months before and took a shower. She had clean clothes in the narrow space and left the dirty ones in it. She now had her coat, her boots, black, loose pants and a black, long sleeved shirt with white pearls as buttons and a golden flying boar above her heart. She was a Beifong after all, and had money. It was one of her finer shirts, in an expensive, soft fabric and she had no idea why she had left it in her locker. She didn't want to put it on, it didn't feel like _her_, but she couldn't go to the office with a dirty, stinking sweater she'd been training in so she gave up her dissatisfaction and pulled her coat on.

She said goodbye to Song at the reception, who thanked her exaggeratedly once again.

Halfway to the office Lin's stomach growled at its emptiness, demanding to be filled with _something,_ and she had to stop. Unfortunately, the only food nearby was a fruit-stand that wasn't of very good quality, so she had to waste time on searching for a fruit that was eatable. Her body leaned down over the fruits, her concentration on the red and green before her, she didn't know who had come to stand next to her. When she settled with a red apple that didn't look too decayed, and straightened up to pay for it, a woman in red and orange robes greeted her with a large smile.

"Lin! How nice it is to see you!" the woman said.

"Pema!" Lin gaped.

She felt like she'd just been shot, or electrocuted by an Equalist. _No, spirits, NO! _FUCK_! I'm not ready to explain this yet! This was going to wait! I need time to figure this out! FOR THE SPIRITS' SAKE! What am I going to do? Should I tell her now? _Her guilt clawed in her chest and she felt somewhat nauseous and dizzy. Her head had started to pound in pace with her panicked heart and she couldn't look at the woman standing in front of her. She shot an arm out, supporting her body on the carriage. From the corner of her eye she could see Pema's happy look turn into one of worry.

"Lin? Are you quite alright? You look pale?" she reached forward to place a hand on Lin's shoulder but Lin waved at her with her free hand, that she was still holding the apple in, stopping the woman's movements.

"Yes. I'm fine." She forced out, somehow out of breath as if she'd run a marathon and just crossed the finish line.

"Hey lady, are you going to pay for that?"

Lin looked left at the hefty, grumpy woman that owned the fruit-stand. She was ugly with dirty, dark hair and a disgusting birth-mark on the right side of her nose. Lin tried to scramble up the pieces that Pema had scattered and recollected herself after taking a few deep breaths. Her heart still pumped with fear and adrenaline, the guilt and self-hatred still alive.

"No." Lin said angrily, pushing down the apple with the others before releasing her grip on the cart. She glanced at Pema who looked confused.

"Come on Pema."

Lin reached forward and gripped Pema's arm hard, yanking her with her as she hurried down the street to find a private spot. Her goal was an alley on the other side, a bit further down. It was in the shadows between two tall buildings and looked empty.

"Lin! Let go of me! What are you doing?"

Fear had snuck into Pema's voice at Lin's harsh treatment. Lin ignored her. Her thoughts were racing, trying to come up with a solution. If she didn't tell Pema, she would jump off a cliff eventually, she was sure of it, but if she told her she could on the other hand start a series of consequences' that she had no idea what these would mean, for both her, Tenzin, Pema, the children and the entire city's sake, if word got out somehow. Hell she didn't know what the consequences' would be even if word _didn't _get out.

They had reached the alley and Lin shoved Pema into the shadow, following behind her. It was empty and just wide enough for a small satomobile to drive through, but against the walls on both sides, debris and trash had been piled up. When Pema spun around she looked angry and even more confused than before.

"Why on earth did you drag me here Lin?" Pema asked.

Lin swallowed. Hard. She bit her tongue and looked away. She was dangerously near running away or bending a hole in the ground, trying to escape from the situation. But she had decided. She had to tell her. Feeling the metallic taste of blood in her mouth, she let her tongue go with her teeth and started chewing on her lower lip instead. _Just do it Lin!_

"Tenzin and I slept with each other."

There it was. The horrible, disgusting, unforgiveable truth. Lin hated herself so much she would have given her bending away if it meant doing her action undone.

"I… What?"

Pema's anger was gone and replaced by disbelief. She had tears in her eyes. She shook her head. Couldn't, wouldn't, take Lin's words in. She couldn't accept them. Lin understood her. She didn't understand how it had happened either.

"No. I don't believe you. Tenzin would never do that. I'm his wife, we have a family."

Lin stayed quiet. The shame and the guilt was glued to her entire being like an extra layer of skin. When she didn't answer, Pema's tears started flowing down her round cheeks. Lin gave herself a mental slap, waking herself up from the numb, motionless existence she'd been engulfed in. It was a defense mechanism, turning numb. She cleared her throat, forcing herself to say it.

"I am _so, so sorry_ Pema. _Please_ believe me when I say that I hate myself for it more than you can possibly understand. I don't know how it happened."

Confirming it once again, Pema noticed Lin's tormented look and appearance, slowly registering her words. She took it in. Tasted on the words, on the truth, on the betrayal. Her husband had slept with someone else. That would have been bad enough, but he hadn't done it with just _anybody_. He'd done it with his _ex-girlfriend_, the woman who also had saved his wife, his children, the woman that had protected his family more than once and offered her _bending _for their safety.

Lin could see it coming but didn't flinch, didn't move. She deserved it a million times, if not more. When Pema's palm latched onto Lin's cheek, it felt right. She deserved this.

"You _whore! _You _disgusting, filthy, whore! I trusted you!" _Pema screamed, tears pouring down her cheeks. She was trembling with anger; she looked like she wanted to kill Lin. More than once. _I probably deserve that too. _

But the words hurt. And the word _whore _echoed in Lin's mind over and over again. Lin had done an awful thing, but she wasn't filthy, even if she felt like it, and she didn't deserve being called a whore. And when it came to anger management, Lin always had been a bad student. She had the famous Beifong-rage in her veins and when being called something that she most certainly was not, it came alive. In a soul-crushing, life-threatening, ice-cold voice that Lin used to scare her officers and criminals with, she said:

"I did something awful, Pema. And I am, forever, more sorry that you can imagine. It will never happen again." She took a pause, letting the words sink in. When Pema opened her mouth to speak, or scream, she hurriedly continued.

"I am a lot of things, but I do not deserve being called a whore. It takes two, Pema. Remember that."

Pema froze, clenching and unclenching her small hands into fists with a dangerous look in her eyes, but Lin Beifong had been staring down the most dangerous men in Republic City for 30 years in the interrogation rooms of the polices headquarters, she wasn't going to back away. She was The Ice Queen, when it came to situations like these. After a few minutes of silence, Pema broke the stare. Lin had won this battle.

"I will _never _forgive you. And if you come near my children again…"

Pema was trying to be as cold as Lin, putting so much threat as she could into the words. She barely succeeded, and Lin laughed an evil laugh inside her head. The woman had no backbone. On the outside Lin was expressionless, hard, and untouchable.

She gave Pema a slight nod. She understood. Then she turned around and walked away.

With her back to Pema, she let go of her anger and let the guilt and shame flow freely, but she kept up her mask. She had absolutely no intentions at all of crumbling down like old wallpaper in the public. Her tears would have to wait until she got home; for now she had to get her job back.

* * *

Lin had a hard time keeping her face neutral during the ceremony. She was so angry that her inside was practically boiling and on the same time so happy that she wanted to break out into the hugest smile and dance around like a maniac. _So much for trying to control my feelings. _

After her meeting with Pema she had _stomped_ her way to the station and _demanded _a meeting with Saikhan. The officers was as terrified as ever in her presence and Saikhan had been gulping nervously, sitting behind her, no, _his, _desk, waiting for her rage. Lin had surprised both herself and Saikhan with keeping her temper in check. They had talked about everything that had happened, how Saikhan had been played by Tarrlok and how he, to her surprise, _confessed,_ how much he hated being chief. He'd told her that '_If I keep doing this my hair will turn grey prematurely' _and at that she had laughed, this time to _his _surprise, wholeheartedly and responded with '_Oh, trust me, I know', _pointingat her own hair that had been grey for at least six or seven years.

Now she was standing in the great hall of the Council-building, where the council worked and voted for things regarding the city. The magnificent hall served other purposes as well: public announcements of changing laws and other big news that required the city's attention where held here, but it was also used as a courtroom. Today it inhabited the council, some of the police force, businessmen, reporters and other important people. They had all gathered to witness Lin's vows.

She had been standing still for nearly an hour and she tried her best to resist the urge of moving some part of her body, or yawn. She had done this once before, 20 years earlier, and she remembered it was just as boring as it had been the first time. She didn't understand why it was so important to give a public oath that she would protect Republic City with all her might, as the new chief of police. She was mildly irritated that Saikhan hadn't done it, but then again, he took over while at _war_. No one had time to organize such a ceremony at the time.

The biggest reason of Lin's anger, however, was Tenzin. He wasn't present. _At all. _He had _fled the city_, rather than keeping a straight face for two hours in her presence. He was one of the councilmembers, it was _required _that _every single one of them_ would attend, but somehow he'd slipped the hook. Lin briefly wondered what effect it would have on the public when the press noticed. To many people it might seem as if one of the councilmembers did not approve of the new chief. That could spread rumors that the leadership of the city was growing weak. Or, the papers would make Tenzin's disappearance like a mystery and start to search for clues. Lin gritted her teeth at his cowardly behavior and stupidity. The city was _fragile. _How could he not understand that?

She hadn't talked to him since the incident on the South Pole, but she guessed that his absence had something to do with what Lin had told Pema, because she had barely seen him since. Even if they did not talk to each other, the city was both of their homes and workplaces so of course she had seen him. One time she'd come so close that she could see his grim face. He'd looked tired, very tired. Worn out, _old_. The man in front of her cleared his throat, calling for her attention. Her vision snapped back into focus and she realized that it was time for her vows.

* * *

After giving a short speech to the press after finishing the ceremony, Lin had jumped into a satomobile, driven by Saikhan, and headed off to police headquarters. Now, she was sitting behind _her _desk, door closed, and allowed a small smile to form on her face. Maybe everything would work out. She had her bending and her job back. The two things that mattered to her the most. '_What about Tenzin?' _a voice in the back of her mind whispered. She sighed. She'd finally come to terms with what she'd done, and the consequences (her heart would always yearn for him, but she would _never _give in again, the price was too high), a week earlier when she'd left the city for two days, with only a backpack. She'd spent them alone in the nature with only the earth surrounding her. It had done her good, both mentally and physically.

When her door flung open with a loud bang and Saikhan came in, looking stressed and disheveled, she felt immortal. Whatever he was going to say, she could handle it. She was Lin Beifong, daughter of the former Chief of Police, Toph Beifong, the current Chief of Police of Republic City, and she was in her right element.

"Chief! Triple Threat Triad-break in!"

"Where!?"

She stood up.

"In the southern part of the city, they have benders of all sorts and have taken hostages! They say that they're going to kill them!"

She flew up from her chair, Iron Lady and Ice Queen, once again.

"They can always try." She said with a small, evil smile, rushing out of her office toward the communication room with Saikhan close behind her. Yes, she was indeed in her right element.


	10. Brokenhearted

**Author's note: **Hey guys... I gave the breakup a shot. Prepare your feels. Sorry if there are any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, I didn't read through this closely. R&R!

_I do not own these characters, LoK or AtLA._

* * *

She was who she was, and she couldn't help it. She wasn't an ordinary woman; she was her career, her legacy. Her heart was forged out of stone, out of the metal that she bended at the young age of 13. It defined _her_. And it had been since she was a little girl; she grew up with expectations, pressure and high standards, high goals. She dreamt of making tunnels in the earth, of splitting mountains in two pieces, of chasing criminals' day in and day out, manipulating metalcables and put on her own, special made uniform that fit her perfectly. She dreamt of sitting behind her mother's desk, giving the orders. She dreamt of hearing the metal and the earth sing. Boys or marriage or children was never a part of the plan.

When she and Tenzin happened, she stumbled into it, literally, suspicious and baffled. She felt as blind as her mother. After a while she discovered that her feelings had a root, with an anchorage deep, deep inside of her. Deeper than she would have allowed it to be, if only she had been observant and known what love could do with someone's soul. In every other aspect her heart was well guarded, but Tenzin had managed to slip right through. She figured that it couldn't be so bad, being in love, loving someone more and more for every day that passed by.

When she realized, in her early twenties, what being with Tenzin meant, if their relationship survived and moved forward into the future, she mercilessly cursed herself for being so ignorant as a teenager. Of course she had known that Tenzin was the last airbender, but she hadn't understood what it would mean for _her_. If she only had put a lease on her feelings earlier, she could have avoided the pain that she knew was yet to come. Only 23 years old, she couldn't imagine living her life without him, even if she never said it out loud. But this w_as _the future, she discovered soon enough. She made a decision that year; she should just keep going, because what could a couple of more years hurt?

The years passed, and sometimes she thought about breaking it off with him, but kept pushing at it.

Eventually time seemed to catch up with Tenzin too. And she couldn't blame anyone but herself really. She had turned her back to him every time he mentioned it and refused to acknowledge that her selfish escape fed a crack that slowly had started growing between them. Lin Beifong was a lot of things, but not a coward. Except when it came to him... She was afraid for the never ending feelings she harbored for him, afraid that her love would kill _her_; that her love would change her and turn her into that kind of woman she despised so badly, that her love would make her sacrifice everything she had been working for, for so many years. She was trying to protect herself, too scared to give herself to him fully, but too frightened, too desperate, to leave, and that was what drove them apart.

It took him years to gather the courage to bring the topic up. When he did, she avoided him by rushing off to the station, pulling a dangerous 24 hour shift. When she sat in her office at the end of the day, covering her pulsing, bleeding cheek with a now red cloth, she desperately tried to come up with something that would mend the hole she probably had left in Tenzin's heart the night before. She couldn't lose him, but she couldn't give him what he wanted either. She was the chief of police, she was Lin Beifong. A child shouldn't been born into her world, it wasn't fair to anyone. She couldn't understand how her own mother had cooped all the years when Lin was young. Lin had been taken hostage, had gotten injured and almost died several times… Because she was Toph Beifong's daughter. No, she couldn't possibly bring herself to carry a child and let it face her world, knowing what she knew. And she couldn't give up her career now; she had just reached her goal. She had been chief for only a year. But how was she supposed to tell Tenzin?

That night when she came home, he was waiting for her with dinner, tea, a hot bath, everything. He was so perfect that it actually _hurt_ her and left a bitter taste in her mouth, because another woman would appreciate that sort of thing so much more than she did. She didn't feel worthy of him. But he acted as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and that their almost-conversation about children hadn't happened at all and went on and on about the two deep wounds that now marred her cheek. She didn't know if she should cry or be relieved, but something had changed between them, she could feel it. But they both pretended everything was fine, that their legacies weren't agonizingly slow tearing them apart. None of them wanted that, and they both understood what ignoring the problem meant, but neither could bring themselves to leave before it killed some part of them, their love was too strong. Or they were just too scared to leave the person they had spent the majority of their lives with.

They were as close to being happy as they could be for 6 months. And during that time Lin spent many nights lying awake in bed, staring at the stars outside the window while her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest, one of Tenzin's arms holding a tight, protective grip around her waist. It didn't matter how much she tried to find a solution, because there was none. She had looked at the problem from every aspect, from every single point of view and angle dozens of times. They were slowly heading for a cliff.

Something that made those sleepless nights even worse was Tenzin's hand, unconsciously placing itself on her flat stomach while he slept, if he didn't keep her in place with his entire arm. Every time it made Lin's breath hitch and she could feel the tears burning in her eyes, a hard knot growing in her chest. This action was repeated several times, more and more frequently. Every time the knot grew, and it never left, never disappeared. She dragged it around everywhere she went. She knew how much he needed children, how much he actually _wanted _them. But stubborn as she was, she tried to ignore it, couldn't bear the thought of them not being together because of such a silly thing as her fear.

After those 6 months, the knot in Lin's chest had expanded and she couldn't take it anymore. When she came home after a particularly rough shift at the station, she slammed the door shut behind her and rushed into her small bathroom. Feeling tears trickle down her porcelain skin she sat down on the cold floor, leaning against the bathtub. Vicious sobs worked their way up from her lungs, escaping through her mouth, leaving her breathless. Her entire chest _burned_, it felt like someone tried to smother her and the tears just continued gushing from her eyes. When she started to see black dots dancing before her eyes she could feel the nausea rising in her chest and she flung herself across the room, reaching the toilet just in time for the gastric acid to disappear in the water beneath her, instead of on the floor. She hadn't eaten anything since the small lunch she'd been able to force down, and in that moment she was relieved. She hated throwing up with food in the system.

Still crying, heaving strained breaths she rose and flushed, grimacing at the effort it took to do the simple chore. She turned around to rinse her mouth with cold water and bended off her armor. She was dirty, sweaty and had several small bloody, soggy cuts on her legs and arms that she didn't bother cleaning; she, with a runny nose, wet cheeks, heart pounding hard in her chest, cuts, bruises, messy hair and fully clothed, collapsed on her bed, pulling the cover over her worn out body. Warm and safe under its darkness she tried to get her thoughts together. She couldn't do this anymore. Today, while on a mission, she almost _died _because she was so distracted by the lump in her heart and the imaginary weight on her shoulders, that she didn't see the earth coming for her on her left side. Saikhan had knocked her out of the way but got his shoulder busted when he couldn't dodge the boulder in time. She had to deal with it somehow; it was dangerous for both her and her men. She blamed herself for Saikhan's injury and uncharacteristically apologized to him all the way back to the station in the airship. He'd shrugged it off and said he was fine, even if he wasn't going to be able to work for at least a month, but his reassurance did nothing to kill her guilt.

Lin's fear for what a child would mean had reached dangerous levels. It had gone so far that she couldn't do her _job _properly, and risking her life because she was distracted, and that without actually _having the child. _She couldn't risk her life on mission because she was worried, not knowing if her child was safe. She couldn't risk her life on mission because she was worried that it wasn't sure if she would be home for dinner ever again. She couldn't risk her life on mission, knowing that Tenzin waited for her at home. She couldn't fathom the idea of breaking his and their child's heart if she didn't make it through a shift, because it always was a possibility. The amount of injuries she had sustained, and the scars they left behind, was proof enough. In her mind she saw a grief-struck Tenzin in black robes, holding a young girl with black hair and grey eyes, crying, in his arms, standing above a hole in the ground with a closed casket in it. No, she couldn't do that. Not to herself, not to Tenzin and most certainly not to a child. If she did that she would be selfish. Because if she died, she would be the dead one, she wouldn't be the heartbroken one, left behind not knowing how to live on. But how would Tenzin react if he heard her thoughts now? What would he say? Would he agree or object? She knew he solemnly didn't _just want children, _he _needed _them. But she couldn't give him that, and she loved him more than anything in the world. She would do anything for him, for his happiness, and if that meant he wouldn't be with her, so be it.

Lin slowly came to terms with what her realization meant, she stayed awake many hours, trying to strengthen herself for what was about to come. She had to do it soon; she couldn't keep him back anymore. He needed children and he needed them as soon as possible, the press and the White Lotus had started questioning their relationship. As hard as it was, she decided she would have to… Leave, him, tomorrow, or rather today.

With a feeling of her heart being stabbed by a knife, Lin fell asleep with the tears still streaming down her face.

* * *

Sitting at her desk, staring at a cup of cold tea she hadn't consumed, Lin's determination started to falter. Glancing up at the clock on her wall she sighed heavily. He was late, and Tenzin was _never _late to their lunch dates. Coming to the office the same morning she'd looked more disheveled than the officers had ever seen her, usually her hair was clean, neatly pinned, her armor polished and her professional mask on. Today she had come in with her hair unwashed, but still in its bun, unpolished armor (she had hurried to clean the worst dirt off), her face showing obvious, but distinct, traces of crying and a sleepless night. No one had said anything, they didn't dare, never did, but her sour mood had effectively scared them off to work before they were given the chance to speculate in what had kept their chief awake all night, because it wasn't councilman Tenzin for sure. At least not in the way they used to notice it.

A soft knock on her door startled Lin out of her thoughts and she flicked her wrist, unlocking it. Tenzin came in, carrying two paper bags with lunch. He looked stressed and uncomfortable but Lin figured he had just had a rough meeting with the council. He sat down in the chair in front of her, starting to unpack the boxes with food. Lin leaned forward, sniffing the air, her stomach growling. She opened a box and to her delight if was her favorite, beef with water chestnuts in sauce.

"Thank you." She said lovingly before she realized that she would have to stop doing that. She swallowed hard, suddenly not hungry.

"Tenzin I…" He looked up at her, food in his mouth. "We need to talk." She finished.

He swallowed, suddenly looking sheepish. He almost looked _guilty. _

"Yes, we do."

"I think we… What?" Lin asked, surprised that he felt the need to talk too. Why did he looks so guilty and sad? She shook her head, a suspicious feeling settling in her gut. She wanted to know what he was about to say.

"You first." She encouraged.

Tenzin put his box of vegetarian dumplings down, clearing his throat and fumbling nervously with his hands.

"Well, Lin. I, eh, uhm…" He stammered.

"Tenzin!" she barked at him. She hated when he stammered.

"I think we should part ways." He confessed.

Lin's jaw dropped. She was not prepared for a breakup. Well, she was prepared for _her _breaking up with _him, _not the other way around. He looked away, staring at something outside her only window. Small vibrations of air tickled Lin's exposed neck and she recognized it as one of Tenzin's traits. He always airbended, unconsciously, when he was nervous. However, he didn't do it often, and almost always when there was something he tried to hide. Lin's suspicion became stronger and she eyed him carefully. His nervousness, his guilty eyes that couldn't bring themselves to look at her and the tension that radiated from his body had her heart thumping wildly in her chest, suddenly afraid of the reason why he behaved so unlike himself.

"Why?" she asked. She couldn't keep the question down and bit her tongue as the words escaped her mouth. Did she really want to know the answer?

Tenzin didn't answer immediately; instead he started moving around on the chair as if sitting on pins. Lin gathered up her walls, building a shelter around her heart and attempted a hard mask.

"Spit it out Tenzin." She said through gritted teeth. She was sure, _and_ her instincts told her that she wouldn't like what she was about to hear.

"I kissed Pema." he whispered quietly. It was barely loud enough for her to hear.

But she heard. Lin sat, frozen, in her chair. The first emotion she could register was betrayal. After that came the chock, and then came the anger. She had _tortured_ herself for _6 months, _trying to find a solution to their problems; she had finally decided to leave the _love of her life _to make _him happy_. And while she slowly was _dying _inside during those months, he had _kissed another woman_. There wasn't enough space in Lin's body to contain her rage and betrayed feelings. She stood up slowly, so angry that her arms trembled and that it made her body stiff. She was afraid that if she moved too quickly, she wouldn't be able to control herself and hit Tenzin.

When she moved Tenzin tore his gaze away from the window and looked up at her, scared of her reaction.

"_Get. Out." _Lin hissed.

"Lin…" Tenzin pleaded.

"_Get the fuck out of here_ Tenzin!"

"Lin! Please let me explain!"

Tenzin had stood up and begged that she would let him explain, but Lin didn't want to hear it. It must have been clear in her eyes because Tenzin fell silent and his shoulders sank deeper down. He walked across the room towards the door and cast a last glance behind him at her, still standing behind the massive, robust metal desk with a murderous look in her eyes and her hands in fists at her sides. He walked out and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Years later Lin still can't stand Tenzin's presence. She still feels betrayed, furious and hurt. That day… He had made it seem like he never loved her in the first place, compared to the fact that she was about to break up with him only because she wanted him to be happy. It made her feel even worse, her confidence and pride was hurt, badly, and shortly after the incident, Lin promised herself that she would never open up to a man that way again.

* * *

**Author's note: **Inspired by the song "Seen It All Before" that was written by Bring Me The Horizon. At first I thought I would write this completely "based" on this song, but as it turns out, I didn't. But I still wanted you guys to see the lyrics, so yeah, here they are:

Every second's soaked in sadness

Every weekend is a war

And I'm drowning in the déjà vu

We've seen it all before

I don't wanna do this by myself

I don't wanna live like a broken record

I've heard these lines a thousand times

And I've seen it all before

Are we close enough?

There is something I must confide

I think we've lost our touch

There's no sparkle in those eyes

What an awful mess I've made

There's nothing left to save

I'm sorry, no... it's not enough

We shouldn't feel a love so painfully

It hurts right to the touch

I know it stings, I know this cuts

And I wish I could agree with you

But fuck this love, it's not enough

It's not enough...

It's not enough...


	11. Drunk

**A/N:** Hello hello! _SMUT-ALERT!_ This is a oneshot, it takes place two years after Amon's attack, and it has nothing to do with "Brokenhearted". _**R&R**_, it makes me very happy! Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes or other errors, remember that english isn't my first language!

_I do not own these characters, AtLA or LoK!_

* * *

Tenzin had never been near something even remotely close to sake or cactus juice. Yet, the drink running down his throat didn't burn, but he could feel its effect since he started feeling hot after gulping down two of them. They were spiked with just a tiny drop of cactus juice, to help ease the pain, or rather, the worry and the fear.

He was sitting alone in an old and worn bar, in the outskirts of Republic City. Everything in the bar was made out of wood, the ceiling, the floor, the tables, the bar and the chairs. The floor was, despite its age, smooth and shiny from the oil it surely was polished with. Outside a raging storm had engulfed the city. It had been raining non-stop for a week and in the distant Tenzin could hear thunder roar.

The man who owned the bar had given him a surprised look when he entered half an hour earlier, recognizing the robes and the airbender tattoos. Tenzin had asked the man if he could get a drink, and the man had responded with a question of _what _he wanted to drink, making Tenzin feel utterly embarrassed. He honestly admitted that he never had had a drink in his 53 year old life before, and wanted something that wasn't too strong. Now, as his third landed in his stomach, he felt the warmth spread from his chest throughout his entire body.

When he heard the door being violently opened, he turned his head and saw a soaking wet, metal-armored Lin pulling the pins out of her hair. She angrily shook her wet trench coat off of her and turned around to hang the drenched garment on a hanger next to the door. He realized he hadn't seen her hair down in at least 15 years and that it was much longer than her hairdo revealed. The once coal black curls had turned into silver ones but was still as beautiful. She turned around and he bit his tongue at her expression. She had an icy scowl on her face; that he was used to, but her eyes showed glimpses of anger as she elegantly strode towards him, despite her wet appearance. Tenzin was terrified out of his mind and wanted to run, but her presence hypnotized him and kept him seated on the chair.

He had summoned her here, on a busy day, in a rainstorm, without telling her why. Of course she would be furious at him; they weren't friends, only a little. It had been two years since Amon's attack, and during that time Lin had extremely slowly started to relax, being near him.

She sat down next to him without saying anything, but he could feel the unspoken, angry words she wanted to scream at him, radiating out from her body. When the bartender appeared she tried to control her temper but only managed to restrain her voice enough to a snarl.

"Anything of the strongest you have!"

She threw a quick look at Tenzin and noticed his furrowed brows and confused look in his eyes.

"What?" she muttered, looking away.

Tenzin shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts before answering.

"I didn't know you drank." He confessed. This earned him a slightly amused snort from her.

"You're the monk. _And_ _I've been_ drinking for most of my life. "

"What?" he spat out; baffled. He couldn't remember ever seeing her drink.

"Oh don't give me that look Tenzin. I'm 52 years old, I'm not a child! And how can you not remember that? You're getting old, airhead." As she finished, he relaxed a little bit. If she could tease him and call him airhead she wasn't too mad at him, but still. He had probably interrupted her doing something of high importance, everything she did was important… Which he could confirm when she let out a deep sigh.

"Why did you ask me to come here, Tenzin? I need to go back to the office. Paperwork." At the last word she grimaced in dissatisfaction. A few seconds later her drink arrived, and from the looks of it, it was sake.

She picked her drink up with pale, thin fingers and quickly swallowed the clear liquid. Her lips twisted, she bit her lower lip slightly and got a bit teary eyed but regained her composure in a matter of seconds. Whatever it was that she had just gulped down, she was used to it, and Tenzin knew it would have been too strong for him. At that point, Tenzin had finished his third drink and he started to feel a bit foggy minded. The way she bit her lip reminded him of how she used to look like when pleasure consumed her and he could feel the blood rush to his face. He hadn't thought of her that way in a _very _long time.

For a second he was unsure why he _had_ called her here, but then remembered. He briefly wondered if she would be angry with him, but gathered enough strength to force out the painful truth.

"I'm divorcing Pema."

Lin froze and stared at him. He gulped, prepared for her fist come flying at him, but she didn't move. She wore the same scowl but weren't able to hide the emotions whirling around in her eyes. Anger. Confusion. Irritation. And for the tiniest second, Tenzin thought he saw a glimpse of _hope. _When she could hide her feelings a minute later, Tenzin almost thought he'd seen wrong. She looked away.

The bartender stood on the other side of the bar, cleaning glasses with a cloth and eavesdropped surely.

"Another one." Lin called at him.

* * *

Reaching her door after struggling with the stairs, she shivered; a mix of hot and cold clinging to her. She was completely soaked in ice-cold rain from tip to toe, and Tenzin too. However, it was a fantastic sensation when experienced with Tenzin's hands gripping tight around her waist, his tongue and breath in her mouth and the alcohol warming her up from the inside, or perhaps it was her reaction to his hands and lips that now had moved down to trace her jaw, stopping right behind her ear. He pushed her backwards, slamming her into the door. Pleasure-pain at his rough treatment excited her beyond compare and small pants escaped her.

"Open the door Lin." Tenzin huffed before continuing to kiss at her neck, brushing his teeth lightly against her skin, but not biting. He moved one hand up from her waist, reaching up to pull at the pins, still desperately trying to control her hair.

Lin gasped and let go of his collar she had used to pull him closer, she snapped her fingers, unlocking the door behind her and felt the anticipation reach a new level.

Still one hand tangled in Lin's hair, Tenzin released her waist and with his other hand he moved it behind her and found the handle of the door after searching a little.

Pushing Lin inside, he almost fell, tripping on the boots she had bended off without him noticing.

"Spirits Lin!" he whined, but couldn't help smiling a little. It felt good that she hadn't changed too much.

Fumbling with his robes, trying to come closer to his warmth, Lin reached up and kissed him, inviting him in. Eagerly he responded, starting an erratic dance with her tongue. When he stroked his tongue behind her upper teeth, he kissed her fiercely after a needy moan escaped her. Fueled by the sound she made, he pushed her into the hallway wall, trying to find a cranny in the metal so that he could pull her armor off or find her skin. When he didn't find any, Lin leaned her head back, breathing heavily.

"Someone's excited." She smirked with a wicked glint in her eyes.

Tenzin's mind was in a blur, obviously drunk, and tried to ignore it by pressing himself closer to her, desperate to warm himself. Both of them trembled from the wet, the cold and the lust. Their love-making from their years together still fresh, this felt right. Maybe they wouldn't be doing this if they were sober, but he didn't care. He hadn't touched her for 15 years, the way he was now, and spirits how he'd missed it. They fit each other perfectly, so painfully aware of what drove the other crazy.

Feeling the metal disappear beneath his palms, and hearing them drop to the floor with a loud thud, he backed off, taking her with him, embracing her and sealing his mouth at the left side of her neck. Free from the wall behind her, Lin found a weakness in his robes and clawed at them until they were gone, only leaving his trousers on. She was wearing the uniform pants and a white tank top that had transformed into transparent fabric, glued to her skin and revealing the grey bindings covering her breasts. Free from her metallic prison, she could feel the bulge in his pants press against her thigh and she bit his lower lip hard, forgetting herself, and drew a small whimper out of Tenzin. She leaned back a little, to caress his cheek and saw a small bead of blood emerge from his lower lip where she bit him.

Tenzin ignored it, even though it stung, eyes glazing over with lust, taking in her curves. She was so soft, her lips and breasts and skin still smooth like rose petals, but here and there ugly, hard scars had been healed quickly, perhaps she'd tried to patch them up herself, while others barely was noticeable, obviously wounds healed by a waterbender. Feeling them under his hands that had wandered in beneath her shirt, stroking her firm, well-trained abdomen, he wondered how many she had, and how she got them. If he could have prevented them somehow…

Deciding not to dwell on the thought, he chose to lower his hands to her ass and waist; and, to her surprise, he lifted her up without much difficulty and urged her toned, long legs to wrap around him.

In frenzy, Lin kissed him hard and muttered against his lips that she wanted him _right now _or he would have to finish for himself, alone. Tenzin chuckled at her impatience, that hadn't changed either, and carried her past the kitchen and into her bedroom. He tried to control it, but the truth was the he wanted her just as much as she wanted him, and when they toppled over the bed Tenzin hurried to get off her pants and her top. When she only was wearing her underwear and bindings, he pulled at the sash holding his pants up. She released her bindings and threw them across the room, and then she helped him off with the last fabric until he was completely naked before her.

Pressing her down in the mattress and kissing her passionately, his hands struggled with the pins that had tangled in her wet, grey hair. Smiling against his lips she let go of his shoulders and reached one hand down to stroke his length, making a shiver roll up his spine. His concentration was lost on her chaotic hairdo and he grunted into her neck as she closed her hand around him and started teasing him with light fingertips. Her other hand got the pins out soon enough while she continued with her administrations, Tenzin panting, kissing and sucking at her neck and collarbone, his hands massaging her breasts.

Shaking her head, letting the locks of hair spread on the pillow she rested her head on, she released her grip on his cock and grabbed for the headboard behind her as Tenzin abandoned her collarbone, lowering himself, starting to suck on a nipple, playing with it with his tongue.

A rough moan escaped her and she squirmed underneath his hands and mouth, but placed on top of her, he kept her still with his body. Lin's heartbeat pulsed in her entire body, sweat starting to bead on her skin and her lower half was burning and _craving _for attention.

"Tenzin." She whined, the need sneaking into her voice, she hated it but was too preoccupied biting down moans of pleasure, teeth sinking into her lower lip as she whimpered, a reaction to his touch. Switching breast, he started to kiss and suck at the one who had remained neglected, only massaged with his other hand, while his hands traveled down her sides until they found her panties. He hooked one finger on each side, in the hem of the thin fabric, and pushed them down to her knees. He withdrew from her chest to tug at her underwear until they were completely gone, thrown somewhere in the room without much thought. He pushed himself back up and continued kissing at her breasts and collarbones.

Deciding that she couldn't wait any longer without going crazy, she locked her legs around him, forcing him up from his position over her chest so that his erection could brush against her now exposed, wet, swollen sex. The feeling of his hardness against her had her searching for his shoulders, and when she found them she strengthened herself and rolled over, taking him with her so that she was on top.

Straddling his lap, she started to grind against him, the mere feeling almost enough to make the earthbender come undone.

"Lin!" Tenzin hissed. "Spirits…"

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, kissing and sucking at her pulse. He sat up and straightened his back, pulling her flush against him, her warm breasts pushed up against his muscular chest, locking his arms around her waist. Enjoying the gasp he'd pulled from her, he lifted her up a little, making enough room for her to place her entrance just above the tip of his shaft. Her entire body vibrating in his arms, she agonizingly slow lowered herself onto him, burying her nails in his shoulders, inhaling sharply as he filled her. When he was entirely inside of her, he hugged her so hard, trying to stop himself from slamming into her immediately, to prolong their pleasure, that he thought he was going to give her bruises. Delighted in his obvious attempt to control himself, Lin managed to raise herself up a little before sinking down again.

The pace started out slow, but the longer it went on, the more fervent their movements became. Both Lin and Tenzin moaned, shuddered and struggled for breath in the now hot, damp room, sweat making their skin glide against each other, lust filling the air with its heavy scent.

Riding Tenzin was an unusual activity for Lin, even if she hadn't lived a life in complete solitude, so when her thighs started to tingle and the muscles became hard, almost cramping, despite her excellent physics, Tenzin took over and pounded into her from below until a earthshattering scream exploded from Lin's chest, violent shivers rolling up her spine, her walls contracting tight around Tenzin, making the floor and the walls vibrate around them. Tenzin continued his movements, prolonging her orgasm, and shortly after that, he came too, growling deep in his chest, heart beating frantically.

Lin welcomed it, pecking him lazily on his lips, as he slackened inside her. Both lovers breathing heavily, the sweat still clinging to their bodies, they were still in the embrace, simply existing against each other, mindblown of what just had transpired. Lin chuckled, an unusual sound for Tenzin, and he smiled before he kissed her softly, and gave her a small nudge that she could leave him.

When she rolled off him, he kept one arm around her as they placed the pillows comfortably, getting ready for the night, a heavy, sleepy feeling dwelling deep within their bones. Their legs entangled, Lin's hair tickling against his chest, her back to him and her backside pressed up against his lower abdomen, his left arm around her waist and his nose buried in her neck, breathing in her intoxicating scent, he airbended the cover up to their waists and realized that he wasn't drunk anymore.

* * *

Stretching his extremely stiff limbs and yawning loudly, he traced the other side of the bed after something deliciously soft and warm he knew he'd been sleeping next to all night. A little groggy and with a slight headache, he opened his eyes a little, looking for the woman who was supposed to be sleeping beside him, when he couldn't feel her. When he discovered the bed empty, he frowned. He tried to listen for something, but no noise came from the bathroom or the kitchen.

He sat up and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes before he stood up, confused. Remembering that he was naked, he searched the bedroom and found his pants under the bed, pulling them on. With light footsteps he pushed the bathroom door open, but Lin wasn't there. Continuing into her mix of kitchen and living room, she wasn't there either. His clothes were still scattered all over the place, but the traces of Lin's armor were gone. Had she gone to work without as much as leaving a note? _Well she's not a very affectionate woman, _he thought with a sad smile, no longer surprised of her absence. Of course she'd fled to work, she needed time to process what had happened the night before, and frankly, he did too. He had no idea what they'd done, and what it meant.

He sighed, picking up his discarded clothing and started to dress the best way he could. His growling stomach pointed out that he hadn't eaten since dinner the day before, he and Lin had ordered food at the bar, so he opened her fridge and found it annoyingly empty. _She hasn't changed at all, that's for sure, _he thought before leaving the apartment, heading for work.

* * *

She paced back and forth in her office, occasionally stopping to stare out the window where the rain fell and the grey clouds still covered the sky, or look at the clock that didn't seem to move. Her body was disgustingly relaxed, she felt warmer than she had done in years and she had tried to pull up the uniform collar as high as she could, trying to hide the hickeys. Blushing, grimacing and cursing out loud into the silence on the same time, she banned herself over and over again for her stupidity. Getting drunk with Tenzin had been a bad, bad idea. She'd slipped away early, before he woke up, to make coffee and find some space where she could think in private, but decided that it was too risky to linger in her apartment, so she'd went to work. Barging in through the doors of police headquarters, her facial expression had the men whimper in fear. She was _not _in the mood for being contradicted today, and she was most certainly _not _in the mood to explain her absence the afternoon before. She'd called from the bar, telling them that she wasn't coming back, and they'd managed fine without her.

A determined knock on the door had her heart pounding in an irregular rhythm, afraid that it was Tenzin lurking behind the thick metal door. She retracted a metal sole and used her seismic sense to recognize Saikhan. Unlocking the door, she forced herself to appear professionally relaxed and calm, sitting down behind her desk with a grim expression as Saikhan walked in, shutting the door behind him. He stood in front of her, not sure where to place his eyes, very unlike him, Lin decided.

"Chief."

"Saikhan." She answered and hated how _soft_ her voice was. Well, it wasn't anywhere near so soft she knew it could be, but she didn't want her officers to know that she'd gotten laid, because they _always _seemed to notice.

She tried to shape up and sighed inwardly. _Stupid bastard. _Tenzin made her weak and soft and _feminine, _her heart sore and fluttering even _years _after he left her. She couldn't afford to be anything less than strong in front of her men, not with her profession, she'd worked hard for it and had no intentions of losing it again.

"Uh… Can I ask you a question?" Saikhan said. Before she could answer, he continued.

"Where were you yesterday? We needed you here at the office, we did fine but two guys managed to get away after robbing a store, and with you there I think we could have caught them. I know it's probably none of my business but-"

"Your right." She cut off. "_It is_ none of your business."

Saikhan looked like he was about to shit his pants at her icy reply and didn't say anything, ashamed.

"Do I have to remind you that I have been chief for nearly 30 years and almost _never _take days off?" she questioned.

"No, but-"

"And I did call to give instructions for my absence. And yes, we could probably have avoided those men escaping if I had been there to give the orders, but I am no immortal, sometimes I need an afternoon off, and I have trained you to be the absolute best. I expect this force to be run properly when I am not here. It is not _my_ fault that _you_ failed_. _And if you can't catch two common thieves, I don't believe that you are worthy working on this force. The next time, I expect _no_ mistakes. You're better than that, I know you are. You're _my_ officers, and I expect _the best_ from all of you. I don't want to get disappointed again. Is that understood?"

Her little speech had at first made Saikhan tremble in fear and surrender but at the end of it, he straightened his back, his face turning into a proud, strong expression.

"Yes Chief!" he said.

"You can forward this message to the other officers. Dismissed." She said and waved at him. He immediately turned around and left the room, closing the door behind him.

As soon as he was gone, Lin sunk together in a heap, barely staying in her chair, every ounce of strength leaving her body. She breathed out a heavy sigh of relief. Her encounter with Saikhan had not been easy. She felt little and rueful and tired, she just wanted to go back home and bury herself under a blanket on the couch, read a book and drink tea. A flash of warm arms decorated with blue arrows holding her passed before her eyes and she breathed in sharply, a long forgotten feeling emerging in her gut. She tried to push the thought out of her mind. _I won't let that happen. I refuse to let those feelings surface again. I swore that I would never forgive him. _Furious at herself for letting her walls down the night before, she felt that she would do more harm than good by staying with her grumpy mood. She left her desk and stopped by the officer's common room to give them a few orders. If something happened, they could call her. Saikhan eyed her carefully and she hurried to head for the stairs.

Walking out into the storm that raged and scared people enough to stay inside, she stopped and turned her face to the sky, letting the rain stream down her face and cool her nicely. In a minute she was soaked but didn't care. The way she felt before, that she wanted to just go home, was gone with the rain that made its way down her uniform and she started walking the streets without goal.

* * *

She found herself hovering over a grave, in the rain that still poured down, an hour later, and she read the inscription on the tombstone. '_Here lies Toph Beifong, founder of metalbending, the first Metalbending Academy, Chief of Police of Republic City and earthbending master to Avatar Aang.'_

She didn't know why she'd come here, she'd just wandered aimlessly in the city, not wanting to go home to the loneliness that she knew awaited her there. She closed her eyes. In the rain, no one could have seen the tear that slid down her cheek. She missed her mother. She, against her will, missed Tenzin. She missed her uncles, Aang, Sokka and Zuko. She missed Kya and Bumi and Ursa. She missed her old life. She missed coming home to dinner, to tea, to a hot bath, to Tenzin's embrace and kisses. She missed making love to him when they woke up in the morning, she missed the way he would trail her spine with feather light fingers, she missed the way he held her from behind when they took a bath together. She missed earthbending sessions with Toph, she missed busting her ass off at work so that she could be promoted. But most of all, she missed Tenzin. In the beginning, it was a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, but she did it. She was a Beifong, she couldn't break that easily. And with time passing by, crime after crime, she found that she could live with the pain, with the heartbreak. She was still mad at him; she doubted that she ever would forgive him. Her anger towards him had been her fuel many times during the years, but she missed him too. Terribly, some days.

Eventually the cold and the wet started to get to her, and she made her way back home. Reaching the end of the stairs, Lin had a hollow, dull ache in her heart. All the way on her way home she'd thought about her previous relationship with Tenzin. She hadn't visited those painful memories in a long time and regretted it. Remembering that he left her for Pema left a bitter taste in her mouth, and she was prepared to go straight to bed. But when she opened the door, someone was in her kitchen. She inhaled through her nose when she stepped into the hall and cursed the man. Tonight she just wanted to be left alone.

Bending her entire armor off, dumping it on the rug, she gave up the attempt to avoid what waited for her in the kitchen, and walked inside.

He sat at the table with a cup of tea in his hands. She glanced at the clock. 5 pm. She'd been walking around in the rain for four hours. Even if she didn't feel like a Beifong this particular day, she tried to act upon her heritage to show Tenzin that he hadn't broken her, that she was _unbreakable. _

"What are you doing here? And how did you get in?" she demanded, even if her voice wasn't so harsh that she'd hoped for.

He looked at her, a… Soft? Look in his eyes. She didn't know what it was but it made her stomach churn and her heart beat slightly faster. Hands on her hips, she refused to move before he answered.

"How's your day been?" he asked eventually, polite.

He didn't seem troubled at all about what had happened between them. Lin's anger stirred in her chest and she inhaled sharply, trying to calm down, when in reality she just wanted to _scream something _at him. _How dare that smug, ignorant bastard sit there and be so calm!?_

"What are you doing here Tenzin?" she tried again, this time a threat sneaking into her voice. After all, she _was _a cop. She knew how to handle stubborn men, and she had her metalcables three steps behind her.

Tenzin stood up and Lin froze. The only thing she managed to do was breathe as her heart was trying to beat out of her chest, and cross her arms protectively over her chest. He walked around the table and stopped in front of her. He raised his hands and pulled at her crossed arms, with no strength at all to stop him, they did as Tenzin wished and he held her hands in his, looking down at them. Lin's mouth opened a little, because his touch _burned. _Her stomach was now in an uproar and she almost felt nauseous. Tenzin raised his look and studied her face. She didn't think that she had one bit of color in it, all her blood seemed to be gathered in her toes, she was kept rooted, when all she wanted to do was run and escape his gaze. He wanted to make sure that she wasn't going anywhere, that she would listen to what he was about to say. When she didn't make any signs on moving away from him, he cleared his throat.

"Lin, I know that I left you in a very hurtful, unforgiveable way all those years ago, and I am _forever, _so, so sorry for that. I should have told you that a long time ago. Please forgive me for being so utterly stupid, because if I had apologized, maybe we could have stayed friends. However, the reason I'm telling you now, is because what happened last night. It opened up my eyes. I've been so blind, and I hope you feel the same way."

He paused and Lin, embarrassed to the core, felt tears starting to gather in her eyes. It was true, she had waited for that apology, but it wasn't worth anything compared to the words she had a feeling he was about to say.

"Lin, I love you. I have always loved you, and I always will. I hope you forgive me. But if you don't, I'll gladly spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Lin had nothing to say. Or rather, she didn't know what to say. What was it that she had just heard? Did he just tell her that he loved her, 15 years after their break-up? And suddenly she was angry. It was as if all the anger that had gone un-acted upon since he left her, came alive, and she could have punched him until he was blue and bleeding from every opening in his body, but instead she threw herself in his arms, kissing him desperately. His arms circled around her and he kissed her back, a bittersweet feeling in the way their lips met, this time in love instead of a drunken, lust-filled frenzy. She could feel her cheeks getting wet, and she didn't know if it was her tears or Tenzin's, all that existed, all that mattered in that second was that she loved him, and that he loved her too. Breathless she pulled back, both her and his lips swollen and abused.

"I'm still mad at you." she whispered, her forehead touching his, her eyes closed.

"I'm sorry." He whispered back, pecking once, quick, at her scarred cheek. "Does it change anything if I tell you that I will _never, ever _leave you again?"

Her answer was simple; she just pressed her body flat against him, holding him as close as she could, palms full of red and yellow fabric, leaning up, and kissed him with a needy whimper.

He lifted her up, bridal-style, their mouth's still locked together, and he carried her into the bedroom and shut the door behind them.

* * *

**A/N: **People, I tried my best with the smut, try not to be too harsh. I'm soon 18 years old - I have no experience at all. Anyway, I _hate _writing endings. _I CAN'T DO IT!?_


	12. Surprise

**A/N: **Hello fellow Linzin-shippers! This _very very very _AU, and so fluffy it's disgusting, BUT I figured you need some of that too, not only smut and angst! ;) Please _**R&R!**_

_I do not own these characters, LoK or AtLA!_

* * *

"Lin?"

"Mmh…" she answered, mumbling, still half asleep. The sun was shining through the bedroom window and warmed her naked upper body, her white, smooth skin reflecting the light, almost making it impossible for him to look at her.

They were still in bed, sheets and pillows in a chaos after a heated night of passion. Lin was lying in a mix between her stomach and on her right side, arms curled under the pillow she rested her head upon, face buried in it, next to Tenzin. Her legs entangled with his and her bottom pressed up against his lower abdomen, he had to fight back the urge to force her around and kiss her senseless as the sun made its way further up into the sky. The cover only reached up to her waist and he stared longingly at her back, tracing her spine with light fingers. No fabric hid her chest and he blushed when he thought about it, about how easily he was affected by her flawless appearance. She was the ultimate woman for him, as if constructed atom by atom, born purely out of his dreams, out of what his entire being desired the most. She was perfect.

He had propped himself up on an elbow, just taking her in. Those few moments when they were together, not divided by work or meetings or their parents, were rare, and he treasured them with all his heart. So did Lin, despite the fact that she never confesses it out loud to him. But he doesn't need to hear her say it; it's there in everything she do, everything she say, in her eyes when they're together. Still, the '_I love you'_ he managed to draw out of her every once in a while warmed his heart so much, and made him so happy, that he could marry her right at the spot.

"Lin?"

He gave her a soft nudge, reaching forward and brushing her long, black curls away to expose her neck. He kissed her there a few times, a content, relaxed sigh coming out from her soft, pouting lips. She knew why he called at her, and she was in no mood to go to work this day, he noticed. A big smile spread across his face. He loved this side of her, loved when she was _human _and not the hardworking, cold officer that could pull off 24 hour shifts without getting any sleep, flawlessly, returning only with mere scratches and bruises, after catching criminals haunting their city. But when he saw this side of her, he could breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that she was still _his _Lin, that she hadn't abandoned who she was in her effort to prove herself to her surroundings, wanting to be worthy of the position as chief when her mother eventually would retire.

"Lin, it's time to go to work." He said, kissing her one last time before crawling out of bed, stretching his stiff limbs and yawning loudly.

Behind him he heard her groan, but also the rustle of the covers leaving her body, and the creaking of the bed as it protested against her movements. He bent down and pulled his pants on, they weren't dirty, and he would be heading to the island to take a shower before he went to work himself. When he straightened his back and turned around, he caught her bare figure walking into the bathroom, the sway of her hips teasing him and her long hair bouncing against her back. He loved moving his fingers through the silky tresses, holding her head locked against his with a soft grip on the back of her neck as he slipped his tongue inside her mouth.

Shaking his head and forcing back such arousing thoughts to the back of his mind, he heard Lin turn the tap to the bath on.

"Lin?" he yelled, not sure if she could hear him over the water running, filling the tub with the hot liquid. She used to scent it with different oils.

He searched the floor after his sloppily discarded clothing.

"What?" came from the bathroom, overpowering the loud noise.

He rearranged the words in his next question, hugging his robes tightly to his chest like a child holding a teddy bear close when upset.

"Would you please consider coming with me tonight?" he pleaded, anxiously awaiting her response.

It took her a whole minute to answer, but when she did, her head emerged from behind the door, a hairbrush in hand, and she studied him, closely, trying to figure out exactly how much it would mean to him if she actually went with him. Seeing the begging, hopeful look in his eyes, she sighed in defeat.

"I'll consider it." She said and disappeared into the bathroom once again.

"Thank you!" he called after her and smiled wholeheartedly.

He laughed out loud when he heard her scoff at his reply and he shook his head. She'd never been much for ballrooms, dancing and dull conversation. Neither did he, the truth being told, but he'd promised to attend, and the night would be much more enjoyable if his girlfriend would be there. If nothing came up while at work in the afternoon, she had no excuse not to show up. Well, she could decide that she _just didn't want to come, _but as much as she denied it, by not talking about it, he knew she did everything she could to make him happy.

He pulled the rest of his robes on and proceeded through the kitchen, stopping in the hallway to put his shoes on and grabbing his glider before leaving for Air Temple Island.

* * *

The gala was held in City Hall, the only building in Republic City that had a room big and luxurious enough for the event. A new Fire Nation representative on the council had been elected, and a massive ball was being held to celebrate it. Fire Lord Zuko was financing it, and as the Air Nation representative, and intimate friend with the Fire Lord, Tenzin couldn't decline the offer to be there.

He tapped his glass of water nervously with one finger, wishing that he was allowed to drink wine, scanning the room impatiently. He was tall naturally, but with all the people dancing and conversing, he was afraid that his girlfriend would escape him, _if she showed up at all. _He'd been certain that she would, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. Continuing his search, he adjusted his robes with his other hand. He was wearing his formal ones and they were just the tiniest bit more uncomfortable than his usual. The fabric wasn't worn and soft against his skin, but rough and shiny, and his collar was too tight.

A tap at his shoulder, coming from behind, made him jump and he whirled around. He stopped in his tracks when his eyes fell upon a tall, slender woman. She wore black high heels, a black silk dress that was so long she had to hold it up a little with pale hands he could have recognized even if he was blind. The dress sparkled and caught the light from the magnificent chandeliers hanging in the ceiling; it made the fabric twinkle like a thousand stars in the night sky. It hugged her delicious curves tightly, leaving little to the imagination and as his eyes passed over her chest, a deep cleavage (but not too deep) caught his attention. He forced his eyes upwards, swallowing loudly when the shoulders of the dress exposed the woman's collarbones and well-muscled, thin arms. Around her right, upper arm a bracelet of space earth had been bent into the shape of a dragon, and around her neck she wore a black, shiny ribbon as a necklace, a choker, and in the middle of the ribbon a pendant of silver was home to a tiny emerald. Around the emerald the pendant had an intricate pattern of airbending and earthbending symbols. He knew the choker well, he was, after all, the one who had made it and come up with the design. He'd hid it well, and how she found it he had no idea, but for now he was stunned beyond compare at how perfect it fit her, and the joy it gave him to finally, after years, seeing it around her throat. His jaw dropped and he couldn't seem to get his mouth back under control. He was sure that if it hung open long enough, he would start to drool.

Finally placing his eyes on the gorgeous woman's face, two large, green eyes stared back at him, framed by long, black lashes, a delicate nose casting a shadow upon her red, full lips she'd painted carefully, just for this evening, just for him.

"Lin…" he stammered, unable to continue.

The corners of her mouth twitched and she stepped forward, not having to reach up to kiss his cheek for once. She left a red mark on him and when she leaned back, her hands on his hips, she smiled and even blushed a little, the blood painting her cheeks with a delightful, soft pink. When she saw his expression, a fleeting look of concern passed in her eyes.

"Tenzin." She reminded with a stern look. "Breathe."

He did as he was told and as the air moved into his lungs and spread oxygen in his blood, his burning, choked chest and headache eased down. He took another one, and then one more. Now he felt like he could say something, and he placed his hands on Lin's shoulders, heart pounding hard against his ribs. He had to ask her what the choker meant. He hadn't proposed to her in over a year, so why was she wearing his necklace? He tried to keep his face neutral, but as soon as he opened his mouth a huge grin spread across his face and lit up his entire being. He must have _radiated _light and happiness.

"You're wearing your necklace." He told her.

She blushed and looked down, suddenly… Shy? Was that it? Of all the emotions she was capable of? Shy was probably the rarest one and hadn't manifested since they were young, or at least younger. She'd been shy when she first admitted that she was, in fact, in love with him too. She'd been shy the first time she told him that she loved him, and she'd been shy the first time they'd made love.

He let go of her shoulders and took her hands in his, lifting up her chin with two gentle fingers so that he could look her in the eye.

"Does that mean…?" he breathed, not able to finish the question, too tense and heartbeat pounding so loudly in his head and chest that he could barely hear what he was thinking.

The fear and the anticipation, the happiness she knew it would give him, raged in her eyes in a vicious battle. One part of her was scared and insecure and worried (they'd talked about marriage and children before, and after _years _she had finally confessed exactly how frightened she was by the idea) but the other half of her wanted that life with him too. She couldn't imagine her life without him, and that was the reason she wore the choker, the symbol of their commitment to each other. A decision was made as she studied his face, as she looked into those grey eyes she was sure she knew better than her own, the face of her best friend, her lover, her soulmate, the man she had spent her entire life with.

"Yes." She said, her voice still tinged with fear, but there was happiness there too, and she smiled at him, tears almost gathering in her eyes.

Tenzin could feel tears of joy wet his cheeks and he collected her in his arms, lifting her up and twirling her around while laughing loudly. He was the luckiest and happiest man in the world and he didn't care about the attention that was redirected towards him and his fiancée.

"Tenzin!" Lin gasped as she suddenly found herself in the air, trying to find balance by grasping at his robe covered shoulders.

When he slowly lowered her, her body sliding down against his, she smiled and laughed with him, her chest too feeling as if it was about to explode with bliss. He reached down and kissed her passionately, holding her in place with his hands around her waist and she leaned into him, eager to respond to his love and passion, and she locked her arms around his neck as she kissed him back, his tongue slipping into her mouth.

The people around them seemed confused by affection displayed so openly without shame, but soon noticed the engagement choker around Lin's neck and started to applause and whistle at the couple. When Lin and Tenzin broke their kiss, they barely had time to regain their breath, faces flushed, people gathering around them to offer congratulations and give them tips and advice, asking questions when the wedding would be held and if it was to be a public one. All of a sudden, the crowd around them moved aside to show a black haired, metal protected, barefoot woman striding towards them.

Tenzin became stiff and Lin felt a pang of nausea. She hadn't even talked with her mother about that she finally had made her decision. Nervous of what the chief of police might say, she locked both her hands with Tenzin's to find support in her soon-to-be-husband. When Toph stopped in front the both of them, a scowl on her face, Lin felt that she should be the one to talk first, if so only by acknowledging her mother's existence. Being rude to her mother tonight would certainly kill the mood, or break something. The people around them stayed quiet, anxious about the two Beifong women showing so obvious signs of tension, their fights at police headquarters fresh in mind. Their screams shook the ground the building was placed upon, like an earthquake. Lin took a deep breath to steady herself.

"Mother." She said, staring intently at the woman before her, trying to figure out her next move.

Not responding, Toph stared at a point somewhere in the distance behind Lin and Tenzin, blind as she was. When a smile grew on her face and she launched forward to hug her daughter Lin was prepared for a fist and she jumped back, the airbending moves she once learned still alive and very much remembered by her nerves and instincts. It wasn't an issue for Toph however, and she captured her daughter with her arms, pulling her in in a bonecrushing hug. Lin was overwhelmed by her mother's affection and confusedly hugged her back.

"I'm so, so happy for you baby girl." Toph whispered in Lin's ear. Lin's heart skipped a beat and her nervousness died down.

"Are you sure? I thought you would be furious." She confessed.

Toph pulled back from their embrace and laughed, leaving the crowd relaxing at the sound. There wasn't going to be a fight. She waved a hand at her surroundings and people returned to dancing and talking, the atmosphere going back to how it was before.

"Why on earth would I be mad at you?" she asked.

Lin bit her lower lip and looked up at Tenzin, unsure if she should tell the truth. Tenzin gave her a comforting nod and took her hand.

"Well, because… I was afraid that I had let you down. I want you to be proud of me; I want to become chief one day… I…" she stopped, not knowing what to say anymore.

Her mother seemed bewildered for a moment and then a bitter look emerged.

"I'm sorry that you've had so much pressure on you, ever since you was a little girl and learned how to earthbend. I feel so guilty, Lin. I've been so worried that you were going to work yourself to death, in order to uphold your "legacy" and become simply a mere shell of who you really are. I'm so relieved that you won't end up like me, old and alone. It makes me sick to think that I was the one who almost took all the joys of life away from you."

Lin just gaped of disbelief and Toph turned slightly, ignoring her daughter. They could talk about it later.

"Take care of her, or else you have me to deal with, is that understood?" she said to Tenzin.

"Yes, chief." Tenzin responded, serious and calm, still holding Lin's hand in a firm grip.

Toph let go of her stern expression and smiled, pulling both Tenzin and Lin into her embrace.

"I'm so happy for you!" She exclaimed before letting them go.

Lin and Tenzin relaxed and looked at each other, smiles refusing to leave their faces.

"So…" Toph said, leaning back with a wicked grin. "Have you thought about names yet?"

"Wh- what are you talking about?" Tenzin stammered, looking down at Lin, expecting an answer.

Lin rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"I'm not pregnant, mother." She pointed out.

"Are you sure about that?" Toph responded.

A seed of insecurity awoke in Lin's bones. Could she really, in fact, be pregnant? She drank her tea, and she couldn't remember forgetting to drink it… Except, there was one time… Three months earlier she'd awoken in the middle of the night, her telephone ringing furiously in her kitchen. A raid was happening downtown and the police needed her. She'd clad herself in her armor and didn't come home until late in the evening, Tenzin waiting for her. They'd taken a bath together, and then…

She gasped out loud, her heart racing and her palms starting to sweat.

"Lin? Lin what is it?" Tenzin wondered, worried.

Lin couldn't look at him, she just stared at her mother who smiled and looked _extremely _smug.

"How did you know?" Lin burst. The curiosity was overwhelming. How could her mother known before _she_ did?

"I can feel the heartbeat, idiot." Toph mocked.

"But I…" Lin started. She was instantly interrupted.

"When _you_ use seismic sense, you concentrate on _only, _the things _around _you. You've never tried to feel _yourself._"

Lin let go of Tenzin's hand and kicked of her heels. Her bare feet to the marble floor, she closed her eyes and focused her seismic sense on her own body. At first she couldn't feel a thing, but then she found it. A tiny, soft pounding, almost impossible to notice. No wonder her mother had found out before she did, Toph _was_ better at seismic sense than her, having used it as sight her entire life.

A light went up for Lin and she felt a little embarrassed, she'd been so caught up with work that she hadn't noticed there was a second heartbeat inside of her, even if it was barely noticeable. When Tenzin grabbed her arm she remembered that he was there too, and probably had no idea at all what was happening.

"You're pregnant?" he whispered, his eyes almost bulging out of his skull.

Despite her racing heart, the adrenaline of fear running haywire in her veins and body, Lin felt some sort of anticipation stir in her chest and a small smile lit up her face. It would take time for her to get used to the idea, that she was _pregnant, _that she would be a mother, a fact that had scared her as long as she could remember, but with Tenzin by her side, she might actually grow fond of the idea.

"I believe I am."

Tears started pouring down Tenzin's cheeks and he sniffled once before laughter overtook him and he lifted her up once again, hugging her tight and burying his face in her hair.

"We're going to have a baby Tenzin." Lin whispered in his ear as her eyes started watering too.

* * *

**A/N: **Tell me how I did, 'kay?


	13. Grief (Part 1)

She hadn't been asleep for more than two hours when she woke up, a loud knocking on the door coming from the hallway. She groaned, tired and furious that she'd been disturbed. She _needed her_ _sleep_ – she and a few handpicked men were going to raid a cellar outside of Republic City in the morning. They suspected it contained Equalists gloves.

Even though it had been five years since Amon disappeared, the police was still attacked with the darn gloves – by criminal nonbenders, this time. With Amon gone, the chiblocking had almost stopped entirely, but the gloves still remained. They needed to put an end to it, for good, far too many officers were severely injured internally because of them. The gloves knocked even the esteemed chief of police out for half an hour.

Pushing her cover away and sitting up, she got goosebumps. Her apartment was cold and she only wore a tank top with light green shorts. She briefly tried to remember why she hadn't changed into her warmer pajamas, the white one with long sleeves and _real pants_, but everything from the night before was in a blur. She must have had a slight concussion after fighting with the Agni Kai member she had interrogated the morning before. Shrugging her shoulders and shooing the thought away, she got up and pulled on her black silk dressing gown, resting on her bed stand. The knocking on her door had stopped, but she could feel that the heartbeat still waited behind it, her bare feet scanning the area easily.

Walking out of her bedroom, through her mix of kitchen and living room, and stopping with a hand on the handle, she recognized the heartbeat as Tenzin's. She almost growled in anger, a pressure settling in her chest, making it hard for her to breathe. _What is _he _doing here? _

Tenzin had, since the Equalist Revolution, tried to patch things up between him and Lin. She had, slowly, started to forgive him, but when he woke her up in the middle of the night (which had happened several times the last two years) she didn't want to do anything besides snarl at him to simply _go away. _But weak as she was, she couldn't refuse him to come inside her home, and offer him tea, being there to lend an ear and advice to him when his wife couldn't. Suddenly a little bit guilty for being so selfish, chewing on her lower lip, knowing that it wasn't Pema's fault for being so ill; she twitched her wrist to unlock the door and pulled it open.

Swallowing the gasp that had tried to leave her mouth, she ransacked her brain after something to say. A lump formed in her throat and a heavy feeling rooted her feet to the floor, making it unable to move.

Tenzin stood before her, soaked from tip to toe, just standing there, looking at her, tears streaming down his face, trembling and holding his broken glider in his left hand. The amount of sorrow in his eyes made Lin's stomach churn, her whole body screaming _'Something's wrong!'. _

"Tenzin?" she managed to force out.

A loud sob escaped him and he looked down at his feet, slumping his shoulders that started jerking up and down as he struggled for breath when the tears overtook him. Lin just stood there, not knowing what to do, paralyzed by fear and emotion. _What on earth could make him behave this way? Pema wasn't... _This time her sudden inhale of air wouldn't be forced down, and it slipped out when the thought hit her.

"No." she said and shook her head. The idea was absolutely ridiculous, _impossible_, Pema couldn't have… They had four kids…

Tenzin forced himself to look up at her, and she could see the truth in his eyes. It was all over him, in his face, in the way he tried to support his body on the glider that looked like it was about to break any minute. She could see it clearly now, she recognized the look. Sokka had looked exactly like that when her mother had passed away. Her uncle had drowned his sorrow in sake and cactus juice, but Tenzin could do no such thing. He was a monk, for better or for worse.

"Oh Tenzin." She managed to say, before he launched himself at her, catching her off guard. She had just enough time to capture him with her arms.

They stood in the doorway, Lin hugging Tenzin tight as he sobbed and cried and sniffled into her hair, holding her with strong arms behind her back. A dead, numb feeling settled in her chest, she too, grief stricken by the sudden loss. It didn't matter that she barely had tolerated Pema, she was Tenzin's wife and over the years Lin had grown quite fond of their children, especially Jinora. Thinking about the innocent children losing their loving mother, and seeing her, still, after all these years, best friend so _broken, _hurt her very soul, and frankly, she needed the support from his arms as much as he needed hers.

When she pulled backwards slightly, Tenzin faced her and rested his forehead against hers, and Lin became stiff. _He's too close. _More her body and instincts than her mind, told her that this was going somewhere dangerous for her sake. Being so close reminded her of the loss she once sustained and never regained. She had an overwhelming feeling to run, to _save herself, _but she was frozen, held back by Tenzin and all the feelings he poked and teased at, in her.

His hands on her back were suddenly warming her blood, his scent intoxicating, and the sound of his breathing making her heart pound hard. _No, no, no… I can't deal with this. _She felt her walls weaken; crumble in his presence for every second passing by that she was locked in his embrace. Her eyes closed, trying to fight it, fight her own heart that reached out for the man holding her, reached and pleaded and begged against her better judgment.

When she could feel Tenzin move his head slightly, angled it to the right, there was only one thought in her mind. _No! _And then his lips brushed past hers, fleeting, quickly. She inhaled sharply, her heart breaking into overdrive and she trembled, with her last bit of strength trying to resist.

"Tenzin…" she said with a breathless, shaky voice. When she opened her eyes, Tenzin looked down at her, tears once again streaming down his face.

"Please, Lin." he whispered. "Please…"

And she couldn't resist. She reached up to his mouth and kissed him, tears making their way down her cheeks too. How could she possibly stop herself? Here he was, asking for her, years and years and years after he left her. And even though she knew better, knew that it was his grief talking, knew that his desperate need for warmth in this moment was based entirely on instincts, sorrow and the emptiness he felt, knew that she would regret it in the morning, she was empty. She'd been empty since he left her, all love and warmth and happiness in her life gone in the air and space he left between them. She hungered for closeness, hungered for his hands expertly unraveling her through the night, hungered for heat and passion and lust. They both needed this; they sought comfort in each other, both of them alone in this world. How could that be so wrong? They were adults, and how they chose to cope with the loss was their choice, not anyone else's. _Right?_

The kiss deepened and Lin took tiny steps backwards into her hallway, taking Tenzin with her by holding tight around his neck. So desperate for each other it almost _hurt, _Lin started clawing at his robes as soon as the door was shut behind them. When Tenzin's tongue slipped inside her mouth and started dancing with hers, a needy noise rose from her chest and Tenzin crashed against her, pressing her up against the wall. His cold hands slipping in under her tank top, he held her hard just above her hips as he kissed her passionately, almost angrily. A little shocked by his ferocious kiss, so unusual for him while engaging in this kind of behavior, Lin felt adrenaline course through her veins. She had always been the impatient one, always been the one with just a little bit more lust for rough treatment.

Kissing each other, tongues fighting and lips starting to become sore, until they were almost out of breath, Lin felt the warmth spreading in her limbs, and wearing her thin, minimal clothing she could feel Tenzin's excitement grow too. Tenzin abandoned her mouth when she signalized that she needed a break to breathe, and started kissing her jawline, back towards her neck. His hands still under her shirt, left her waist and stroked her skin, working his way upwards, until he found what he was looking for.

Lin _never_ slept with bindings on. It was already a torture for her, all day long, having to pull the fabric so tight around her chest that she could barely breathe, just so that her armor would fit. Her uniform was a little too tight there; she didn't want her men to get distracted by thinking of her as a smoking hot, now 55, year old, instead of an equal, even if superordinate. And it was easier to maneuver, manipulating cables and throwing herself between tall buildings when the tightly wrapped material supported her, to keep her back straight.

When Tenzin found her sensitive breasts, starting to massage the globes of flesh, she buried her nails in his shoulders, still covered in his robes, but hard enough to make him stop sucking and kissing at her neck. He looked up at her, questioning why she'd told him to stop, confused. Lin was never the one to say no back when they were together. She squirmed, and he pulled his hands and arms out from under her shirt, sobering up by her actions. She met his gaze, staring into his grey eyes, offering him a chance to change his mind.

When he shook his head, Lin felt tears starting to prickle in her eyes, but didn't hesitate. She pulled at his robes, trying to get them off, and he did the same, but succeeded before her, almost at once when her silk robe easily tore under the strength of his hands. Pushing the remains away from her shoulders, Lin found a weakness in the red and yellow, sending his robes flying from his shoulders, landing on the floor. After that Tenzin's hands were at her waist, urging her top off and she lifted her arms above her head, until it was gone.

They met each other halfway in an embrace. Tenzin held Lin around her back, Lin her arms around his neck. So much skin exposed, her breasts almost massacred between his well-muscled chest and her own, she shivered, and he felt it. He kissed her hard, his tongue claiming hers and exploring her mouth. She bit his lower lip slightly and the rumble in his chest from the growl he made, made her smile against his lips.

Her hands left his neck and worked their way further down, caressing and stroking his chest, his stomach, and his sides until they were stopped at his waist. She started tugging at his pants and loosened his sash enough to make his pants fall and pool at his ankles.

Before any of them knew it, their pent up sexual frustration clouding their minds, they toppled over Lin's unmade bed, Tenzin's undergarments gone and Lin's shorts forgotten somewhere in the kitchen. Lin had somehow ended up on top of Tenzin, his erection pressing hard against her sex.

Unable to resist, the mere feeling of him _so close, _had her grind hard against him, the friction making them both shudder and gasp, moaning into each other's mouths where their tongues still fought. Heat pulsing in her entire body, her heart beating in pace with it, sweat starting to bead on her skin and Tenzin's hands wandering and squeezing all over her, Lin almost felt drunk. It had been a really long time since she allowed someone near this way. And even though she hadn't lived her life completely alone, everyone had been a shadow compared to Tenzin whose hands now gripped her ass, moving her back and forth against his crotch. Holding his face with her hands and kissing him, she moved with him, but soon had to stop to whimper and whine against his neck at the delicious friction. She _ached_ for him, needing him _right now _or she would go crazy.

"Tez…"

Her pathetic, almost inaudible cry reached him and his grip on her rear loosened to pull her wet panties away. Sitting up to force them off entirely, his cock made contact with her swollen sex as she followed his movements, straddling his lap. He groaned and took her by utter surprise when he maneuvered around, penetrating her before she even had landed on her back.

When the empty space within her suddenly was completely filled, Tenzin burying himself deep, deep inside of her, her legs jerked up to wrap around his torso, to lock him in place, her instincts taking control over her body entirely. Her silvery hair splayed across the pillow she rested her head on, her hands gripping tight at his slippery, sweaty shoulders, Tenzin pulled back before pushing in again.

"Ah!" Lin cried out, her nails digging so deep into his skin he was sure there would be blood running down his back as soon as she let go.

Releasing his grip on her waist, he moved her hands away from his shoulders and pulled them up above her head, holding them tight with his own on the pillows above her. Leaning down to kiss and occasionally bite at her neck, he started to rock his hips.

Her hands forced away from his body against her will, she cried out and moaned, trying to hold on to him the best she could with her legs, the feeling of _not being able to touch him _driving her crazy, closer and closer to her peak for every time he moved inside of her.

"Oh, Tenzin…"

He grunted hard, licking away the perspiration with his tongue and increasing his pace, slamming into her faster and harder for every time she moaned his name.

"Lin…"

The sound of their skin lashing together, the damp, hot air in the room making it hard to breathe, the smell of sweat and sex, Lin's intoxicating scent everywhere around him, he realized, as an earthshattering scream exploded from Lin's chest, that he could never have enough of this, of her. She was the only one who could chase his grief, the darkness away. She was the only one. She had always been the one.

Squirming underneath him, fierce shivers rolling up her spine, her whole body _vibrating_, he forgot his thoughts and continued to pound into her, prolonging her orgasm and reaching his own peak a few seconds later.

Collapsing on top of her, resting his head right above her heart, still inside of her, he could feel her chest heaving for air, her heart beating hard against his cheek. His heart was beating equally with hers, matching her pace, and intensifying the pounding feeling in his foggy mind.

Not distracted by his now satisfied lust, his thoughts picked up on the trail he'd left a minute earlier, but this time in the opposite direction. He felt disgusted by himself and what he had just done. Here he was, lying naked in his ex's arms, less than 24 hours since his _wife died_. There weren't enough words for how much he hated himself in that moment, and he doubted he would ever forgive himself.

The guilt clawing in his chest, choking him, was accompanied by nausea as he thought this and he had to stand up, swaying, unsteady on his feet, before rushing into the bathroom, trying to keep the gastric acid down. But he didn't succeed and it burned in his throat, making his eyes tear and he threw up. When he was done he coughed and hissed liked a cat before rinsing his mouth with cold water, the disgusting taste disappearing as he did.

Lifting his gaze to stare at himself and his battered face in the mirror, he had to look away.

* * *

When Tenzin jerked up from her, suddenly leaving her empty, and rushed into the bathroom, she felt tears starting to make their way down her cheeks. The sudden lack of warmth forced her to stand up, even if it felt like she would fall apart if she did. Standing still, finding her balance and breathing in deeply, trying to push the tears away who threatened to overwhelm her, she walked the few steps to her closet, digging through it to find another dressing gown, but this one older and more worn. She pulled it on and tied the belt around her waist.

When the closet doors where halfway closed, she could hear Tenzin throw up and something stabbed her in her chest. She gasped, leaning forward to rest her now trembling arms and body on the massive wooden doors. _Spirit's!_ She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes, trying to fight the anxiety wreaking havoc in her chest. Her self-esteem and confidence was crushed to dust upon Tenzin's body disappearing from her so quickly, in so obvious _disgust. _She knew, because she felt filthy, unworthy. She hated herself, for being so weak. But she had gone into this, knowing that she would regret it. She had only her self to blame. When she heard the tap be turned on in the bathroom, she forced herself to stand up straight and shut the doors. She crossed her arms protectively over her chest, trying to hide the tremble and placed herself in front of the window, her back to the room. If Tenzin came out, he wouldn't be able to see her face.

Looking out the window, out over Republic City, the streets were empty. They were lit up by the street lamps, Satomobiles were parked here and there, and the cloudless night sky took her breath away. The stars twinkled like diamonds in the distance and the full moon stared down at her. _Yue… Is Sokka with you now? _Thinking of her stepfather, together with her already broken soul had her tears silently making their way down her cheeks once again, and memories of her childhood came to life.

Toph laughing and ruffling through her hair. Toph, sweaty and dirty and bloody coming home from work. Toph teaching her earthbending in the backyard of their mansion. Sokka teaching her how to fight with his boomerang, his sword. Suki and the other Kyoshi warriors, teaching her to fight with their fans. Ty Lee learning her chiblocking… Aang and Tenzin learning her airbending. Tenzin and her discovering Air Temple Island. Tenzin and her dancing on a gala when they were teenagers because their parents forced them to. Sharing their first kiss. That day when Tenzin asked if she would be his girlfriend…

If she hadn't had her seismic sense, she doubted she would have noticed Tenzin slipping past her, leaving the room on light feet.

* * *

**A/N**: Thought I would be dramatic and do this chapter without a note in the beginning, did it work? This is Part 1, so there will be more. I'm not in a writing phase right now, so this chapter was really, really hard to write, and I _hate_ it, but I had to "finish" this idea, because I have two chapters I want to start working on, but I can't do that if I have "unfinished" ones. Please, if you have the time, review, it means a lot to me! Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes or other grammatical errors, remember that English isn't my first language. You readers seem to enjoy Current Linzin, but it's hard to write smut, because I don't think Tenzin would cheat on Pema (I am aware that he did cheat on her in chapter 6, but I kind off regret that one). I don't mind reading it, if it's no too "evil"? I don't know how to explain it really... But I'm trying to make this fic work okay?


	14. Grief (Part 2)

"Chief?"

She looked up from the stack of papers she was currently signing and sighed inwardly. Saikhan was standing in her doorway with an apologetic expression, another mountain of white sheets in his hands. She tried to keep her face straight, struggling to appear like they didn't bother her, but failed immensely and grimaced, her face screwing up in an ugly countenance. She would rather break a finger in a fight than take care of all the paperwork crowding her desk at the moment.

Saikhan walked forward, spine straight and stiff, but proud, and placed them on the only blank space she had left, in the right corner. Even then they balanced on the edge and she hoped they wouldn't fall down. For a second it seemed like it, the pile swaying unsteadily, but it weighed in favor of keeping put, and she let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you." she muttered, and Saikhan left.

She glanced up at the clock. _5:30 pm_. She groaned. _Two hours and then I'm going home. Spirit's I'm tired…_

With half an hour left of her shift, she started reading through the gigantic stack Saikhan had given her. Most of it was information, laws and budget reports from the Council she could ignore. They had already discussed it a week earlier. She'd give it to the secretaries so they could file it away, but it was for the best to glance through them anyway; she didn't trust the Council getting everything right, especially when it came to the force's budget. She was relieved she didn't have to sign them, her fingers and wrist hurting from the firm grip she'd had on her pencil since she came in the same morning.

She flicked through one third of it, keeping only half an eye on the letters when the endless rows of words suddenly were interrupted by an envelope. It was only signed with "_Lin_", but she recognized the handwriting immediately. _Tenzin. _The last thing she wanted to think about right now was him, but extracted the blade from the sleeve of her armor and used it as a letter opener.

She pulled out the card inside, hands trembling slightly, reading the invitation to Pema's funeral. It was going to be held on Air Temple Island, following the strict rules of the Air Nation traditions. It would take place tomorrow, right before sunset. She sighed, shaking her head. She didn't want to go, had no intention at all of meeting Tenzin two weeks after their encounter, without a single word had been exchanged between them.

The truth was, she was angry with him. She felt that the least he could have done was thank her for what she'd done; surely he must have known how much it hurt her. But she'd done it anyway, for him, always for him. Her face once again screwing up in an ugly grimace, she scolded herself. _You used him in his moment of weakness because you were being an ignorant, selfish slut, and now you dare say that _he _should thank _you_? What has happened to you? _But on the same time, she couldn't shake the feeling that some part of her actually _had done it_ for him too. She just didn't want to hear it.

The reason to her internal struggle and mental chastising was simple; she couldn't admit to herself, now, afterwards, that she actually _did_ care for him. And that that care had led to their… Interaction. Sure, they'd been friends, but her care went much, much deeper than that, a fact that scared her. She had no control over it, didn't know what it meant, what the consequences would be of her feeling that way. She'd walked down that road before and it always seemed that she was the one getting burned in the end.

Looking down, the card in her hand stared up at her. She chewed on her lower lip, a metallic taste spreading in her mouth as she did. A drop of red landed on the card, staining it. Should she go? She didn't believe Tenzin actually wanted her there, he was just being formal like always. And Pema... Lin doubted the woman wanted to see her husband with his ex he'd slept with the same day she died, on her funeral. No, she couldn't go, it wasn't right.

She felt so guilty towards Pema, and she was sure Pema would be furious, if only she could have expressed it. She knew it was silly of her to think that way, the woman was dead after all and Tenzin hadn't had any obligations towards her anymore when they slept together, but still… Trying to distract herself from the painful thoughts that made her skin itch with guilt and regret, the clock caught her attention. _Looks like my two hours are up. I should head home… _But she felt rooted in place, in her chair. She held the card in a hard grip, her knuckles turning white, and the dull ache started throbbing again. _You have a bottle of sake at home, _she reminded herself. _Get up! _And she did, forcing herself to straighten her stiff limbs. She walked across her office, pulling on the thin trench coat that waited for her beside the door, and glanced one more time at her desk before opening it, stepping through and closing it firmly behind her. She locked it with her bending, a ridiculous habit. Every single employee in the department could open it, but at least no criminals could get in.

Many of the men were leaving, the ones who were going to work the night shifts starting to arrive as she walked down the corridor.

"Night Chief!" several of them greeted when she passed them.

She just gave them a nod, but none of them seemed to take any offence. When their boss didn't want to talk, no one was going to make her. She was too intimidating.

Reaching the huge lobby on the ground floor, after elegantly flowing down several flights of stairs, she stopped in her tracks, trying not to strangle a man with her cables. He was leaning on the reception desk in the open space, surrounded by rows and rows of benches, flirting with the woman behind it. White pants and red shirt, his wild brown hair untamed like a lion's mane, she had no idea what he was doing in Republic City; before remembering that his brother's wife had died. But _what was he doing in her police station? _She pursed her lips and scowled. She should have realized it as soon as she saw him. He was here for _her. _

Rolling her shoulders back in an attempt to relax, she walked up to him, tapping him on his shoulder from behind. He spun around and grinned when he laid eyes on her.

"Chief Babefong!" he exclaimed happily, wiggling his eyebrows, teasing her. It was his favorite hobby, trying to seduce her. He'd never been successful, he _was _Tenzin's brother, but he just wouldn't give up.

"Don't call me that Bumi!" she hissed, her patience almost gone before even spending more than one minute in his presence. She glanced at the receptionist that stared back at her with a jealous, offended look. One second the man had been flirting with her, the center of his undivided attention, but the Chief held greater appeal to him, obviously. Lin held back from snarling at the woman _to_ _go find something better to do._

Bumi chuckled.

"You haven't changed at all Linny."

Lin narrowed her eyes at him, warning him to use _one more nickname_ or _he_ would be spending the next 24 hours in one of her famous metal cells. He threw his hands up in the air, surrendering without arguing, to her surprise. A quick evaluation followed suit, one of her traits.

She'd beat the crap out of him a number of times since they were young, but he wasn't scared of that, no. _She_ figured he wasn't very fond of the idea explaining to _his brother_ why he hadn't showed up to _Pema's funeral_. Tenzin_ rarely_ got angry, but when he did, nobody wanted to be within a few miles radius of the airbender. The fights Lin and Tenzin had had when they were young… Well, they'd left an impression people never would forget. Lin usually started an earthquake, shaking the majority of her surroundings, and Tenzin manipulated the air, Air Temple Island suddenly surrounded by a very hostile, vicious storm.

Lin turned around, prepared to stomp her way home, her mood even worse now that Bumi had shown up and that the surely newly recruited receptionist hadn't known better, openly displaying her venomous feelings towards her boss. _I should tell the one who employed her to fire her ass back to Cabbage Corp where she probably came from, _she thought darkly.

Lin had always felt a hate/love towards Bumi, ever since they were young, and it frustrated her to the core, but their friendship had remained intact over the years. Still, the older they became, the fewer the visits. She really couldn't stand to meet him more than once or twice a year, and then only a few hours at the time. If it turned out to be more than that, well, he usually went back to the United Forces with a fist-sized black eye or a broken nose, or a massacred finger if she'd found it somewhere on her body where it most certainly was not supposed to be. Luckily for him, the injuries healed quickly. He had good genes, that, _and _he hada mother that was an expert waterbending-healer.

"Hey! Where are you going?" he called after her, her long legs striding over the marble floor, her pace chosen to match her mood and get her home as fast as she could without actually running.

"Home." She growled back.

Reaching the double doors, Bumi caught up with her.

"Can I walk you there?" he asked.

"Do what you want! It's not like I've been able to stop you before!" she snarled.

Bumi looked hurt by her tone, but only for a second. He shrugged it off, deciding not to dwell on it. Lin had always been and always would be a mystery to most people; Bumi had given up trying to understand her a long time ago. The key to her most inner chamber was in Tenzin's possession, and his brother hadn't been there to visit for a really long time. Still, a little alcohol or too much held back feelings for a long time had her spill, but those occasions were few and far in between.

He matched her steps as she walked out of the building, heading for the western parts of the city. They walked in silence for a few minutes, Lin's thoughts drifting away.

"Did he invite you to the funeral?" Bumi suddenly asked, startling her. She'd forgotten he was there, focusing hard on the bottle of sake waiting in her apartment.

"Yes." She answered simply, irritating Bumi slightly. He wanted details, but she wasn't going to give them up easily tonight.

"Well? Are you coming?"

"No." she bit back, increasing her pace slightly. Of course he noticed, and kept up with her without difficulty, not a single change in his breathing could be heard. He was in good condition, she observed. Their feet moving over the cobblestones, they were almost jogging slowly by now.

"Why not? You knew her Lin! She was a good woman. You saved her life, _more,_ than once!"

She shot a dangerous look at him. His eyes widened in horror as he caught it, but disappeared as fast as it had come to life, and was replaced by understanding and pity.

"You know I wanted you and Tenzin to end up together, and I understand that you didn't like her, but the kids… You're their hero, Lin, they need you. Their mother just died. And I think… Tenzin needs you too." He confessed.

She covered the bitter laugh that almost had slipped out with a snort; she refused to let the words get to her. She focused on the one thing she knew she needed to get through the night. _Sake, sake, sake… _She felt dangerously close to start crying, all the talk of Tenzin, Pema and the kids making her remember. Flashes of exposed skin, heat and Tenzin's hands played in her mind without permission. Before her she saw herself throwing herself off an airship, the darkness she awoke to when her bending was gone. Tenzin's mouth against her neck, his tongue in her mouth… Regret, and something close to panic rose in her chest, her heart starting to pound hard. The self-hatred growled inside her and she tried to push the thoughts to the back of her mind by repeating the same thing over and over again. _Sake, sake, sake… _

"I'm not going Bumi." She forced out.

"But _why? _Are you-?"

"It's none of your business!" she hissed, regretting it immediately. He would notice that she tried to hide something, her quick reply giving her away. She cursed under her breath for her stupidity and lack of self-control.

As she suspected, a glint lit up Bumi's eyes, a smug smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. If he left her now, she was one hundred percent sure that he would attack Tenzin with questions when he got home.

With only two blocks left until they reached her apartment, she decided to tell Bumi to leave, no matter what he might tell Tenzin. Her fragile state in mind, it was the best thing to do. She didn't want to have to invite him in, sharing the alcohol and waking up next to him the morning after, stripped of all her clothes. She didn't trust herself right now, there was no point in taking risks.

She shuddered at the thought of Bumi's pride if he conquered her after 35 years of trying. Surprisingly, and disturbingly, it was the only thing stopping her from grabbing his shirt and pulling him with her. _Clearly you are not yourself Lin Beifong. Don't do anything stupid; tell him to go home right now before you do anything that you might regret. _

She stopped and turned around, facing Bumi who almost crashed into her, not prepared for her sudden halt.

"I know you don't want to come tomorrow, for reasons I don't know, but do it for the kids, Lin. Please?" he pleaded, looking at her with Katara's big, blue, angelic eyes.

She sighed in defeat. She was tired, her strength to resist compromised by the emotional trauma raging in her head.

"I'll think about it." She muttered.

Bumi looked satisfied.

"Alright! I'll see you tomorrow then. Night Linny!"

She just waved a hand at him as she turned back around, heading for her apartment, relieved that she'd been able to resist the man's magnetic pull. Bumi started walking in the opposite direction, whistling cheerfully, hands in his pockets, no worries in the world weighing him down.

* * *

"Hey! Little bro'!" Bumi called, Tenzin almost spilling hot tea all over his lap at the unexpected sound of his brother's booming voice.

"Bumi!" he hissed. "Spirits'! Why can't you keep your tone down? The children just fell asleep!"

Bumi ignored him and walked into the dining room, confidence hanging like a thick veil around him. He sat down on the opposite side of the table, pouring a cup of tea for himself. He had trouble choosing flavor, but ended up with jasmine. The only other options were vanilla or lemon, and he grimaced at the thought. He'd never been much for tea, he'd always preferred coffee, but jasmine was fine when nothing better was available. Vanilla, however… He shivered. He had memories connected with the flavor and booze that weren't very pleasant to think about. He'd never made _that_ mistake again.

Tenzin sipped his tea, and Bumi noticed his battered, hollow face. His little brother had aged 10 years the past two weeks. He worried, a little, but couldn't help to be smug and tease Tenzin, trying to cheer himself up. Tenzin and Beifong were up to something.

"I saw Lin today." He started.

Tenzin flinched and then stiffened, controlling himself, keeping calm. Bumi almost groaned. He'd never understood his little brother's need to chain his temper in shackles.

"How nice. Was she well?" he replied, obviously pretending to be indifferent. He didn't look Bumi in the eye and took a long sip of his tea to avoid his brother's gaze as long as possible. The fact that he didn't know how Lin was doing was evidence enough that something had happened between them.

Bumi snorted.

"She was pretty pissed off actually. And she's not coming to the funeral tomorrow, if she doesn't change her mind. I told her that the kids wanted her there."

He paused. "I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but I'm gonna' find out."

Tenzin coughed, sputtering tea all over his hands and the sleeves of his robes, burning him, but he didn't seem to notice, or care for that matter.

"There is nothing _'going on'_! And if there was, that would be none of your business!" he growled angrily as soon as he had put his now empty tea cup down.

Bumi grinned in triumph. _So there _is _something going on!_

"Huh. Then how come Linny said the same thing?" he said.

Tenzin turned red and gripped the edge of the table hard, before breathing in and out slowly, his eyes closing. His knuckles turned white. He looked utterly ridiculous.

"Bumi, _please, _leave it alone." he said through gritted teeth when he finally had gotten himself together in one piece again.

Deciding that he had tormented his brother enough for one night, he shrugged. But he had one last card up his sleeve.

"Fine, but if you don't fix whatever has happened between the two of you, _I_'ll take care of her." He replied and stood up.

Tenzin gaped, his mouth hanging open like a cave opening to a tunnel, then he clenched his jaws with a loud clash and stared at his older brother furiously, daring him to do such a thing. Lin was Tenzin's, and no matter how many years passed by, that would never change. It wasn't fair; Bumi felt, his feelings towards Lin undying, and barely bearable. But awakening Tenzin's jealousy and competitive instincts towards sharing Lin, _had solved many problems,_ and made Lin happy before. Bumi did it for her, it was as simple as that.

"I'm off to bed." he said and walked out of the dining room, leaving Tenzin alone with his thoughts.

* * *

He couldn't sleep, his musings whirling around, knotted up in endless chaos. He switched side, rolling over to the left, but couldn't simply lay still. Every position he could come up with was uncomfortable, the sheets tangled and the other side of the bed felt heartbreakingly empty and cold. Sighing heavily out into the dark room, the full moon outside, lighting up the courtyard, caught his attention. _Yue… Can you help me? _

* * *

Groaning loudly, her mouth and throat as dry as a desert, her limbs aching and stiff from her unusual sleeping position, she forced her eyes open, only to be met by burning sunlight. Throwing the cover over her head to escape it, the pounding ache in her head intensified and her stomach growled of emptiness. She cursed herself multiple times. Hangovers were _the worst thing_, yet she never seemed to learn her lesson. Lifting the sheet up a little, she peeked out into her bedroom to see what time it was. _6 am_. She'd only been asleep for 5 hours. She sighed into her pillow before pushing the cover away, sitting up. The swift movement had her vision turn black, the room spinning around her. She bit her lower lip hard, breathing in through her mouth and out through her nose a few times until her sight slowly crept back to normal until she could see the mess from the night before.

Her armor was spread across the floor sloppily, her clothes and undergarments thrown everywhere. In her sleep she had knocked over the glass of water that she'd placed on her nightstand; and the sharp pieces was spread on the floor beneath the bed. The light was on in the bathroom and the handle to the door was distinctively bent out of shape. _What the hell did I do last night? _Deciding not to dwell on it because it would only make the regret spring out of its fines again, she forced herself to roll over to the other side of the bed, where no glass threatened to cut up her bare feet.

* * *

For once, she didn't wear her uniform. She'd thought about it, about going to the funeral as soon as she finished her day at the force, but convinced herself that she should be herself, not the chief of police. She didn't mourn Pema as chief, but as Lin, after all.

Her black shirt with the golden flying boar above her heart, and loose black pants, a black coat over it that she very rarely had worn, she stood in the back of the crowd, watching the ceremony take place without causing too much attention. She wore high black heels, but doubted many had seen her arrive. She'd hugged Jinora, Ikki, Meelo and Rohan when she found them, trying her best to whisper comforting words in their ears, and Jinora thanked her that she came. The girl's kind words almost had Lin tearing up; she didn't feel like she deserved them.

Katara, Kya and her family, Bumi and Pema's relatives, stood at the front, the acolytes in brown and grey mourning robes behind them. Sniffles could be heard throughout the group of people, and Lin had a handkerchief hidden in a pocket, just in case. The ceremony was slowly going to an end, Pema's ashes had already been spread in the wind that had picked up during the day. The setting sun warmed Lin's face and she closed her eyes, listening at the waves crashing against the cliffs far away. A hundred memories came to life when the only thing left was a traditional Air Nation blessing that one of the elder acolyte men would bestow upon Pema. Dinners, laughter, the children and nostalgia very much alive in her mind; Pema's passing was hard to grasp when it felt like everything had happened yesterday.

Tenzin had just finished a short speech and bent down to hug the children tight that cried, so Lin decided that it was time for her to slip away. She tried to be quiet, didn't want to disturb the concentration of the spectator, but Bumi caught her just as she turned around to leave. She froze. He looked intently at her, disappointment written clearly all over his features. She swallowed hard, the lump in her throat rising even higher, and she had to look away. She took one step, and then another. Walking back towards the meditation pavilion, her heels clattered against the ground in the silence and she tried to dry the tears that had escaped, away, with shaking fingers. She didn't know why she was crying, if it was of shame, regret, guilt or sorrow. Perhaps it was a compound of everything.

Reaching the pavilion, she looked around for something to sit on, despite the cold hard ground that for once didn't look very appealing, the location seemed wrong for her tears. She wouldn't find the solitude she needed here. A memory flashed before her eyes, and she stepped out of her heels without hesitating, leaving them behind. She walked forward and jumped over the fence that was connected with the columns holding the pavilion's roof up, with grace, her coat billowing behind her in the wind. On the other side, an almost indiscernible path disappeared behind a few bushes.

Walking down the narrow trail, invisible to anyone who didn't know it was there, she worried that the bench might be gone. It held a special place in her heart, it always would, and the fear of losing her hideout she had returned to in times of emotional trauma, or just when she needed a spot where she could be alone, ever since she was a little girl, were a little too much to bear right now. Making her way through the trees and underwood, the last flowers bloomed, the petals drying and losing their color on the moss covered ground. Close to her goal, she increased her pace and soon reached the clearing.

A sigh of relief joined the birds' symphony of chirrup when her vision was filled of the sight of the bench, still intact. It didn't look like it had aged at all, and she wondered how that could be. _Oh… _She quickly realized. _Tenzin must still be coming here. _A small smile played on her lips as she solved the riddle. Walking up to the bench, the grass beneath her feet tickled her and she placed a hand on the backrest, caressing the dark, smooth timber. It felt cool against her palm and she closed her eyes, listening to the world around her. The soft rustle of leafs in the wind, the birds' singing and the waves lapping in the distant, her seismic sense lived its own life, scanning the area. She felt tiny, fleeting heartbeats of mice and squirrels nearby, confirming that she was alone. She could feel people milling around back at the courtyard, the funeral must have ended, but they were too far away to disturb her.

With ease, relaxed and content, she took a step around the wooden construction and sat down, flinging her legs up and leaning back at the armrest. Thoughts of everything that had happened lately played in her mind and she swallowed hard, trying to concentrate on the leaves swaying back and forth above her head. The edges had started turning yellow; a sign that autumn was on its way. She closed her eyes. Winter was coming for her part. 54 years old, still chief of police, she was in ravishing condition, but her 34 years on the force started to take its toll on her – each arrest and murder attempt had her staying more and more days in the hospital if she got injured. There was no one better at earth and metalbending than her in the city, maybe in the entire world, but since the Equalists' revolution she had secretly drilled Saikhan and sharing some of her arcanums to success with him. If she was going to retire in the near future – she wanted it to be him wearing the badge and black uniform, not some rookie. After all, she had known Saikhan since he was a kid. And if Saikhan would become chief, she had an reliable insider that she could get information from. She would almost be chief – except in the shadows. Saikhan would come to her for advice and questions, surely. The thought made her smile.

Preoccupied in her own personal sphere, Tenzin avoided detection easily, but she heard him step on a branch, a creak slicing through the silence like a dagger and she shot up from her position on the bench, her hair whirling out if its neatly pinned form, leaving her looking slightly disheveled.

"Tenzin?" she called, searching around the clearing until she found something red peeking out behind an old oak. A sigh could be heard and Tenzin stepped around it, a pink flush coloring his cheeks.

"Eh… Erhm… Lin…" he stammered.

She rolled her eyes and turned her back to him, placing her feet on the ground and resting her hands in her lap.

"How did you find me?" she said quietly.

"I, eh…" He cleared his throat. "I found your heels."

"Oh."

"Yeah… I mean, it wasn't that difficult. You are the only one I know that wear heels, and I doubt anyone knows of this place, so when I couldn't find you, I guessed I could look for you here. May I?"

She looked up, left. He stood with his hands hanging at his sides, the unusual robes she only had seen him wear thrice before, making him look pale and battered. She nodded, and he sat down in one swift moment. Stillness engulfed them, no words or explanations, apologies uttered between them. Still, Lin's body was tense as string on a lute, the awkward silence between them raised from the depths of their latest confrontation. After a few minutes, her heart pounding so hard she was certain that he could hear it, she opened her mouth to let out the first thing that came to her mind.

"I'm sorry for your loss." She bit her lip and slapped herself mentally _'I'm sorry for your loss.'? Was that the best thing I could come up with in times of tragedy?_

She stopped staring at the patter in the ground beneath her that she had made with her fingers, moving them in microscopic movements unconsciously. She hastily brushed it away with a bare foot when she realized she had carved Tenzin's name. She looked up at Tenzin that stared at the now empty spot. A knot churned in her stomach when he met her gaze, overwhelming feelings playing in his grey eyes; she had to look away.

"Thank you, Lin." He said, voice thick with emotion, and she knew he just didn't thank her for her kind words, but for saving him from herself by letting him in, holding her arms around her when he needed her the most. She felt tears prickle in her eyes. _Spirit's, I'm a mess. _She sniffled once, unable to contain it, and she felt a strong hand hold her shoulder. A single tear slid down her cheek.

"Lin?" Tenzin asked softly.

"I'm fine." She sniveled and stood up, prepared to leave. A whole in her chest filled with indescribable darkness threatened to consume her if she didn't walk away, soon.

"Lin!"

"I'm fine! Just leave me alone Tenzin!" she said, padding away her tears with the sleeve of her coat.

"But Lin, I…" he started, but stopped when she turned her back to him.

She breathed a heavy sigh, fighting the burning ache in her heart as she took a step, and then another. One foot before the other. Of course she still loved him, she'd never stopped, it was absurd that she even had thought that she didn't. But she couldn't be near him now, it hurt too much. He didn't love her back obviously, so why shouldn't she walk away? She could retire and move to the Earth Kingdom, travel the world and visit Katara, Kya, Bumi and the Fire Nation's royal family. She hadn't seen Ursa in ten years. Yes, she'd rather walk away. She'd stayed in Republic City far longer than she ought to, her heart couldn't bear it any longer.

She reached the small path between two birches and cast a last glance on Tenzin that had stood up, looking at her with sadness in his eyes, savoring this moment, the last intimate one she probably would have with him, then she strode of into the woodwork.

* * *

"But, I… I love you." he whispered.

But he was too late; she was already gone.

* * *

**A/N: **This chapter has been _hell _for me to write, so I think I'm going to let this story rest for a while: I need to recharge my writing battery, because I'm out at the moment. If you want updates on how I'm doing with the writing stuff, follow me on Tumblr: you-speak-a-dead-language

And don't forget to _**R&R!**_


	15. Prompt: Photograph

**A/N: **Hi guys! I am so, so, so sorry for not updating this story and Ambitions in a really long time. My summer has been incredibly busy, and I just haven't had the time to write, and I didn't have any inspiration either. With that said, my inbox is open for prompts. That means, that if you want me to write anything, including smut, just leave me a message! I write Linzin, as you know, but on my Tumblr (you-speak-a-dead-language) I also accept Linumi and Sailin.

This prompt is Photograph, and was requested by amazing Superliz6 on Tumblr (aka Satomobile here on , I strongly recommend that you read her stories!)

* * *

He keeps an envelope under two floor boards in the room he grew up in. It contains something very dear to him.

He's not there very often anymore, prying the wood away as silently as he can manage in the middle of the night. But tonight, when sleep refuses to come, and he doesn't want to wake Pema, he finds himself leaning against a wall, gaze mesmerized by the floor boards that doesn't have any nails in them. No one has discovered that yet, but it's easy to spot if you look close enough.

He rubs his eyes, tired, yet still unable to drift off to the world of dreams. He sighs, pushing off the wall and walks the few steps he needs, before sitting down.

He watches his fingers move, slightly baffled that he doesn't even have to stop and think about what little ritual he needs to perform to gain access to his past.

In seconds, a yellow, old envelope stare back up at him, and a heavy feeling settles in his chest. He truly does wonder if it is better to have loved and lost, than not have loved at all. Some days he's grateful, to have known such love, others, he wishes he never had.

He reaches for the folded paper, lifting it up carefully, a familiar weight in the palm of his hand.

He carefully opens it, and let it's contents spill.

His gaze is instantly transfixed by the black silk ribbon that is home to a golden pendant. It's lost it's shine during the years, both the ribbon and the gold. An Earth Kingdom symbol is carved in the gold, surrounded by whirls of air. A thousand memories is raging in his mind, but one becomes clear as he turns the photograph in his hand the right side up.

Her hair is black as coal, her face youthful and happy. He knows her eyes are shining and green like emeralds, even though the picture is in black and white. She wears a traditional Earth Kingdom dress and it hugs her curves tightly. She wears her mother's meteorite braclet around her wrist.

Nostalgia stirrs in his chest, along with something deeper he buried a long time ago, and he moves his eyes from the love of his life, to himself.

His arm is placed around her waist, he's wearing his formal robes. But no arrows can be seen. Instead, his head is full of brown hair. He's sure he's never smiled so broadly ever again in his life, after that evening.

It's the last picture taken, before their relationship started to crumble, before things between them started to fall apart.

He's too tired to control or try to sort out the mess of emotions inside of him, and simply ignores the little voice in the back of his head, telling him that he should get rid of these painful reminders of what could have been. He's tried, and he can't. He can't let her go. She will always remain in his heart. Always be the most precious memory he has.


End file.
